


Razor's Edge

by Smediterranea



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Coming of Age, Eating Disorders, F/M, Fluff, Friends Supporting Friends, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 45,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28134636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smediterranea/pseuds/Smediterranea
Summary: Azula had wanted to beperfect, which is how Ty Lee and Mai end up spending the first week of summer holidays making daily pilgrimages to the in-patient eating disorder wing of the hospital.Now, Zuko is standing in front of her, the same golden eyes she remembers from her childhood. One eye is different — the skin around it is taut and warped, the eye slightly narrowed despite Zuko’s shocked expression. Mai’s stomachache gets worse. She had always imagined that Zuko’s injury had been a broken arm or something. She had never imagined a burn. She holds Zuko’s gaze, betraying no reaction.“Oh,” Zuko says faintly. “Hi, Mai.”A coming-of-age story from Mai's perspective. Maiko, Modern AU.
Relationships: Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 163
Kudos: 254





	1. The Visitor

**Author's Note:**

> It's winter break, which means it's back to writing some fanfic. Gonna go for an in-canon pairing this time (albeit in a modern setting).
> 
> There is mention of eating disorders and later referenced drug use, so be aware. Not going to get too graphic, but we've got some adult themes in this one.
> 
> Thanks for joining on another adventure - enjoy!

The last time Mai was in a hospital, she had wished she was dead. This was not an infrequent wish when she was thirteen, as she was embarrassed by absolutely everyone and everything. The hospital visit in question was for the birth of her baby brother, Tom-Tom. She was old enough to recognize that the presence of this new baby meant that her parents had had _sex_ in the past year, which was too disgusting to contemplate. The baby was pretty disgusting, too — all wrinkled and squalling and the _smell_.

But that memory is nothing compared to just how uncomfortable Mai feels right now. Even Ty Lee can’t find a way to bubbly about this fiasco.

The two of them walk through double doors off the side of the pediatric wing. The cheery yellow paint does not quite hide the locking mechanism that prevents the patients from escaping. The doors squelch shut behind them. Man doesn’t flinch at the sound, but she wants to.

“Oh, look!” Ty Lee says in a bright voice. The enthusiasm of her tone doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “They’ve decorated with a beach theme for summer!”

“How creative,” Mai says dully. 

She notices that there seem to be several pieces of art signed by patients. She hopes with all her might that no one has made the mistake of forcing Azula to try art therapy. Mai is not sure it’s possible to kill someone with a paintbrush, but if anyone could find a way to do it, it would be Azula.

It is the fifth day in a row that Ty Lee and Mai make the sojourn to the hospital to visit Azula. Each time, they had to wait for ten minutes outside the hospital for Ty Lee to stop crying before they were ready to enter. Mai had not cried, of course. Mai never cried if she could help it. 

Perhaps she would cry if she hadn’t been expecting this to happen. Azula had always been gifted: brilliant and athletic and more than a little terrifying. She made it look easy, too, but Mai knew that it wasn’t. Mai and Ty Lee had gone to the same boarding school as Azula since they were all seven years old, and Mai had watched Azula hone her skills over the years. Her dedication to her studies, to competition in sport, to _any_ competition, really, was unparalleled. But as they had aged, Azula’s prowess was tested — not by others, but by time itself. There simply weren’t enough hours in the day to be the top student in the class, _and_ the fastest sprinter in Caldera City, _and_ head of the student body, _and_ the other dozen commitments Azula prided herself on. Azula had recovered the best she could, dropping things she suddenly deemed childish or beneath her. The pressure did not relent. If Azula was doing fewer activities, it just meant she needed to be even better at them. 

The beginning of it all had been Azula’s insistence on seeing a nutritionist the year before.

“I need to build more lean muscle,” Azula had explained to them with the confidence of a professional athlete. “I can’t be carrying all this extra flab around.”

The so called ‘flab’ had been nonexistent, but Azula could not stop seeing it. She had radically narrowed her diet. Whatever the nutritionist had suggested, Azula tried to outdo by only eating half the amount. Ty Lee had tried to cajole Azula; Mai had tried to warn her. Everything fell of deaf ears. Azula wanted to be _perfect_ , which is how Ty Lee and Mai end up spending the first week of summer holidays making daily pilgrimages to the in-patient eating disorder wing of the hospital. 

“This is ridiculous,” Azula had spat during their first visit. “What an over-reaction.”

“Azula, you _fainted_ ,” Ty Lee replied. “In front of everyone!”

“It was nothing!” Azula had yelled. “They need to release me at once.”

“They said you had a heart arrhythmia,” Ty Lee whispered, eyes filling with tears.

“It’s _nothing_.”

Ty Lee had shot Mai a pleading look. Mai sighed.

“Just do what the doctors say, okay?” Mai asked.

Azula looked affronted.

“They don’t know what they’re talking about!”

“Pretty sure they do. More than you do, since they went to medical school and you’re seventeen.”

“This is fucking stupid!” Azula yelled. Azula rarely swore and Ty Lee gave a little gasp. “Oh, shut up, Ty Lee.”

“Hey,” Mai said coldly. “Don’t yell at her.”

“Just leave, then!” Azula shouted back.

“No.”

“Get out!”

“No.”

“What the hell are you even doing here? I don’t want you here!”

“We’re your friends, Azula!” Ty Lee pleaded. “We want to help.”

“Well, then you’re wasting your time, because I’m _fine_.”

“Yes, starving yourself until you faint is a totally normal thing to do,” Mai said flatly.

Azula shot her a contemptuous look, but said nothing.

“Look,” Mai said finally, trying to stave off another round of crying from Ty Lee. “We’ve been dancing around this for a year. You’re anorexic. You need help.”

Azula and Ty Lee stared at her, shocked to hear the words spoken aloud.

“You’re not happy like this, Azula.”

“Hah!” Azula scoffed. “Who says I’m not happy?”

“Literally anyone who looks at you,” Mai replied, rolling her eyes. “Ty Lee and I are your friends, and we can’t help you. You have to help yourself. Just listen to the doctors, and you’ll get out of here, okay?”

“A _real_ friend would help me break out,” Azula hissed.

“No.”

“God, Mai, you’re so _boring_.”

Mai shrugged. She’d heard worse before.

“We’ll come back tomorrow.”

Ty Lee and Mai had left without another word. They had come back every day since and there had been absolutely no change in Azula’s prognosis or attitude. If anything, she seemed increasingly determined to escape and to use the knowledge of the other patients to her advantage.

“Ty Lee, give me your bra.”

“What?”

“I need it.”

“What for?” Ty Lee had goggled.

“It’s bigger than mine. I can pad it with extra weight and then they’ll think I put weight on.”

Mai had not even let Ty Lee respond; she had grabbed her hand and they had left.

Now, it was day five, and Mai had no higher hopes than she had on the first day. She and Ty Lee join the short queue that has formed behind the front desk to receive visitor badges. There are a few middle-aged people — obviously parents of the patients — who are making polite chit-chat with each other. Standing directly in front of Ty Lee and Mai is a young man. Mai can’t see his face, but she can tell by his slouch that he feels supremely awkward under the fluorescent hospital lights. Ty Lee, who has been admiring various arts and crafts decorating the ward, turns back towards Mai and gives a gasp. 

“ _Zuko?!_ ”

Mai instant gets a stomachache. 

She’s not surprised she didn’t recognize Azula’s older brother. After all, his back is to her and she hasn’t even seen him in five years. She tells herself her stomachache is because she knows Zuko will only stir up trouble — his leaving home suddenly at age fourteen had been quite the scandal — but there’s another reason for her insides to squirm. Zuko had been her first real crush, and judging by the glee in Ty Lee’s expression, Mai was in for a world of teasing. 

“Oh, Zuko! It’s so nice to see you again!” Ty Lee gushes, throwing her arms around him. 

Zuko seems surprised and takes a step back, trodding on Mai’s foot.

“Oof! Ty Lee, stop it, you made me hit someone. I’m really sorry, I —“ 

Zuko turns around and freezes, his eyes widening as he takes in Mai. Her eyes widen, too.

She had heard rumors about Zuko’s sudden departure from the Sozin household. Azula had always been a bit blasé about the incident.

“He got in trouble with Dad again,” Azula had told Mai and Ty Lee with a snicker. “Now he’s going to go live with our weird old uncle, Iroh.”

“What did he do?” Mai had asked, doing her best to hide her trepidation.

“He just never knows how to keep his mouth shut,” Azula said, rolling her eyes. “This is _boring._ Let’s go do something else.”

That had been mostly it, although Mai had heard her parents discussing Zuko when they thought she was out of earshot. Mai had always grown up with the expectation that she be seen but not heard; she preferred to avoid detection altogether and eavesdrop in the hallway.

“There was some gossip going around today,” Mai’s mother had said as Mai lurked in the shadows.

“If it is gossip, you should not repeat it,” her father had chided.

“It was about Ozai Sozin’s son, Zuko.”

“Hmph.” Mai’s father frowned, stroking his mustache. “That boy was always trouble.”

“They said he was injured.”

“Probably a stupid stunt to get his father’s attention.”

“Most likely,” Mai’s mother agreed. “I can’t imagine what I would do with a boy like that. Mai never demands attention.”

“Yes,” Mai’s father agreed. “We did well there.”

Mai had waited for another half hour, but her parents did not speak again. She never did find out what had happened to Zuko.

Now, Zuko is standing in front of her, the same golden eyes she remembers from her childhood. But one eye is different — the skin around it is taut and warped, the eye slightly narrowed despite Zuko’s shocked expression. Mai’s stomachache gets worse. She had always imagined that Zuko’s injury had been a broken arm or something. She had never imagined a burn. She holds Zuko’s gaze, betraying no reaction.

“Oh,” Zuko says faintly. “Hi, Mai.”

“Zuko, what are you _doing_ here?” Ty Lee continues, bouncing slightly in excitement. “We haven’t seen you since you went to live with your uncle!”

A dark shadow flits across Zuko’s expression. His jaw clenches a bit before he speaks.

“I heard Azula was sick.”

“Who told you that?” Mai says, finding her voice.

“One of uncle’s friends. Doctor Pakku or something… he works in the hospital, I guess.”

“Isn’t that a violation of patient privacy?”

“Mai!” Ty Lee says, slightly taken aback. “Aren’t you happy to see Zuko?”

“Of course I am.” Mai curses the slight blush she can feel and avoids Zuko’s eyes. She notices his hands fidgeting slightly.

“Then why are you badgering him?” Ty Lee asks.

“It’s okay,” Zuko says quickly. “And I don’t think Uncle knew Azula was here. Pakku told him that my dad was being really… difficult. Pakku was asking for advice.”

“Difficult how?” Mai asks.

“Something about wanting special treatment — a private ward or something.” Zuko’s expression shifts, looking suddenly guilty. “My uncle… he doesn’t know I’m here.”

“You were eavesdropping,” Mai says.

Zuko nods uncomfortably.

“I thought it was my dad who was sick,” he admits. “I got to the front desk and said Sozin, but they sent me here…”

Zuko trails off, looking miserably at the sunshine-yellow walls. Ty Lee goes in for another hug, which only makes Zuko look more uncomfortable.

“Can I help you?” The nurse at the front desk peers at the three teenagers curiously.

“Yes!” Ty Lee bounces forward. “We’re here to see Azula Sozin.”

The nurse hands Ty Lee a clipboard to fill out their names. Zuko hesitates.

“Azula doesn’t know I’m here, either,” Zuko admits. “Maybe I should…”

“Oh, c’mon, Zuko! Azula would _love_ to see you!” Ty Lee says happily, handing over the clipboard.

Mai doubts this very much, but Ty Lee looks genuinely happy for the first time all week, so she stays silent.

“Azula!” Ty Lee says in a sing-song voice as they approach her room. “We’ve got a surprise for you!”

“Unless you’ve got the grappling hook I requested to escape, I —“

Mai can count on one hand the times she’s seen Azula caught off guard. Mai tenses, waiting for Azula’s reaction. Her expectation is anger, given how furious Azula has been all week. To her enormous surprise, Azula doesn’t yell.

Azula _laughs_.

“Zuzu!” she says with obvious delight. “Come to gloat?”

Zuko frowns, looking hurt.

“No,” he says sullenly. 

“Come, take a seat,” Azula says, gesturing to the one chair in the room. Ty Lee has already perched herself on the edge of Azula’s hospital bed. Mai stands in a corner, watching warily. 

“So, Zuzu,” Azula says breezily. “I hear you’re attending Ba Sing Se University now.”

“How did you —?”

“Please,” Azula laughs. “I know everything.”

They stare at each other. Mai and Ty Lee share a glance that clearly asks _what is going on here?_ but the Sozin siblings take no notice. 

Unsurprisingly, Zuko cracks first.

“Fine,” he glowers “I go to Ba Sing Se University. What of it?”

“Nothing!” Azula continues in the same cheerful tone. “It’s very impressive, brother. One of the top universities in the world. I had no idea you had it in you.”

Zuko flushes but stays silent.

“Certainly, Father was surprised to hear it,” Azula continues. Her voice is just as cheery, but Mai can hear the edge to it. She wants to warn Zuko that whatever is coming is a trap, but she doesn’t know how.

“You know,” Azula says with a thoughtful expression, “if you wanted, I’m sure I could talk Father into letting you stay for the summer.”

Zuko’s eyes widen. Mai can see hope dawning in his expression, the warmth in his eyes. She feels suddenly very cold.

 _Don’t!_ she wants to yell. But still, she does not move. Years of being seen and not heard are hard to undo in a single moment.

Azula carries on, arranging herself back onto her pillows with a would-be casual air.

“As you can imagine, Father has been under quite a bit of stress of late. You know how upset he can get when someone disappoints him.” There is an uncharacteristic pinch of worry on Azula’s face at these words, but it evaporates so quickly, Mai thinks she may have just imagined it. “You coming back to help during this… difficult period… well, Father would be very grateful to know you were here. Now that you’ve proven yourself, he would welcome you back with open arms.”

Unlike Azula, there is no mistaking the anxiety on Zuko’s face. 

“I didn’t tell Uncle I left,” Zuko blurts. “He’ll expect me back soon.”

“Uncle Iroh will understand,” Azula says in an sympathetic tone that does not match the glint in her eyes. “You need to be with your family, Zuko. _I_ need you.”

Zuko stares at her in astonishment for a long moment. Slowly, he nods.

“Whatever you need, Azula.”

Azula smiles. Mai’s heart drops.

For the rest of the visit, Azula is charm personified. When visiting hours end, Ty Lee is floating on air.

“Oh, _Zuko_ ,” she gushes, hanging on his arm. “Thank you _so_ much for helping Azula. I really, really think this is going to turn things around for her. You should’ve seen her yesterday — she was so angry! But with you here, she’s like a whole new person!”

Zuko looks uncomfortable, but doesn’t seem able to pry Ty Lee off tactfully. Mai takes pity on him and links arms with Ty Lee, who turns and gloms onto her instead. Zuko shoots Mai a grateful look and she fumes again that her stupid circulatory system keeps sending so much blood to her face. 

Zuko follows Ty Lee and Mai back to the Sozin estate. It’s one of the biggest private residences in all of Caldera City, and has been where Ty Lee and Mai have spent their summer holidays for the past several years. Mai’s parents had been thrilled about this; Mai’s father had great respect for Ozai Sozin’s business acumen and Mai’s mother had liked having a nice, quiet house without Mai in it for hosting their many important business functions. Of course, now there was Tom-Tom around the house, who was paraded about and cooed over at every possible moment. Mai knew that her mother found her difficult and it was easier to not have her around. She told herself it didn’t hurt; a lot of parents and children didn’t get along. One look at Zuko was proof enough of that.

As they push through the front gate, Mai senses Zuko stiffen. His face is expressionless, but his eyes dart around, trying to take in everything at once. There is a slight trembling to his hands even as he strides purposefully into the courtyard.

“Welcome home, Zuko!” Ty Lee says, skipping away from Mai. “Wow, it must look so different after all this time!”

“No,” Zuko says hoarsely. “It looks exactly the same.”

“I think your room is the same, actually,” Ty Lee says thoughtfully. “We used to play hide and seek in there after you left, but that was a long time ago. C’mon, let’s go see!”

She cartwheels down the hallway, Mai following at a more sedate pace. Zuko falters.

“My dad… is he…?”

“Your dad is out of town for the next two weeks on business,” Mai says. Zuko eyebrows furrow and Mai hastens to explain. “There’s a big calendar in the kitchen so the cooks know when he’s around to make his favorite foods. Otherwise, they make what we like to eat.”

Zuko’s expression doesn’t change.

“He’s out of town? But Azula is sick!”

Mai blinks at him.

“He really didn’t come back?” Zuko asks.

“No.”

“But…”

Zuko’s expression grows distant, as if he is trying to perform some complex mental arithmetic. Mai waits until his gaze settles back onto hers. She feels a rush of relief that this time she does not blush.

“Okay,” Zuko says finally, seeming resolved.

“Okay?”

“Okay,” Zuko confirms. He strides past her towards his old room.

Mai isn’t sure what Zuko has just convinced himself of, but she’s sure it can’t be good.


	2. Courting

In the week before Azula improves enough to be released, Mai spends an increasing amount of time with Zuko. Ty Lee, who usually hates being alone, invents excuse after excuse to disappear into the rest of the enormous house when the three of them are together. She waggles her eyebrows suggestively while Mai shoots her a death glare.

“Stop it,” Mai hisses when Zuko is out of earshot.

“Stop what?” Ty Lee says innocently.

Mai’s frown deepens. Ty Lee sighs.

“Oh, come on, Mai. I’m just trying to help you have some fun.”

“I don’t care about fun.”

“That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard!”

Mai flops down unceremoniously onto a couch. The best part about staying with the Sozins for the summer is that no one will tell her to “be a lady” and sit properly. Ty Lee arranges herself in a chair at such an odd angle that Mai could scarcely call it sitting at all.

“You can’t expect me believe you’re not a _little_ interested in Zuko,” Ty Lee continues in an excited whisper. “I mean, even with the scar, he’s still really cute.”

Mai scoffs.

“Plus, I think he likes you,” Ty Lee adds with a grin.

“No, he doesn’t,” Mai says quickly. “You’re just trying to invent drama where there isn’t any.”

“You had a crush on him when we were kids,” Ty Lee points out.

“That was ages ago.”

Ty Lee looks on the verge of countering this point, but she spots Zuko wandering towards them and springs up from her chair.

“Hi, Zuko!” she says brightly. “Mai was just telling me about how she’s thinking of applying to Ba Sing Se University next year! You should tell her all about it.” 

She punctuates her request by dragging Zuko towards her recently vacated chair. Zuko looks vaguely annoyed, but lets himself be pushed around anyway.

“Aren’t you going to apply too?” Zuko asks as Ty Lee saunters away.

“Nah, university isn’t for me,” Ty Lee says. “Bye!”

She launches herself down the hall, her feet skipping over carpeting that likely cost as much as a small car.

“She’s going to apply to circus school,” Mai says to Zuko’s confused expression.

“She’d be good at it,” he admits. “I think Cirque de Ba Sing Se has a good reputation. Then you guys could be in the same city.”

“Assuming I would get into Ba Sing Se University,” Mai points out.

Zuko shrugs.

“If I got in, you definitely can.”

An awkward silence falls between them. Mai curses Ty Lee for subjecting her to this.

“So,” she says at length. “How is it?”

“How is what?”

“University.”

“Oh,” Zuko says, looking slightly miserable. It’s hard to tell if he’s more miserable than usual; Mai hasn’t seen him smile the entire time he’s been back. He considers her question for a moment before responding flatly:

“It’s fine.”

Mai knows this tone well. She is a practiced student of “it’s fine.” It was practically the only thing she ever said to adults.

“It sucks, doesn’t it?” she asks.

Zuko’s unburned eye widens in surprise before he frowns again.

“I said it’s fine.”

“Yeah, it sure sounds that way.” Mai’s voice drips with sarcasm. “Seems like you love it almost as much as I love the Royal Fire Academy for Girls.”

Zuko pulls a face.

“Agni, are you still going there?”

“Where else would I go to school?”

“I don’t know. Don’t your parents live in Omashu now?”

Mai shudders.

“Living there would be worse.”

Zuko’s face suddenly grows serious. His eyes are so intently fixed upon her, she feels suddenly a little off-kilter.

“Are you not… _safe_ at home?”

“What?” Mai asks, confused. “No, it’s just boring.”

Zuko’s shoulders relax.

“Oh, okay. Good. That’s good.”

“Why would you —“

“Well, university really is _fine_ ,” Zuko interrupts hastily, looking slightly embarrassed. “But it’s still just school, you know?”

“Yeah,” Mai agrees, feeling a little down-hearted. She had hoped that going to university would offer a bit more freedom, but perhaps it had been just a silly dream. Life was destined to be dreary and stifling and _boring_ forever.

“The classes are interesting,” Zuko says in what seems to be an attempt at cheerfulness. “And lots of people make friends.”

“But not you?” Mai probes.

Zuko flushes, looking sullen again.

“Yeah, well, I don’t _need_ friends.”

Mai raises an eyebrow and waits. Zuko, like most people in Mai’s life, can’t stand the silence and rushes to fill it.

“It’s not like I have time for friends anyway,” Zuko says defensively. “I’m really busy with my work.”

“Of course,” Mai says dully. She isn’t interested in the direction this conversation is going. Listening to people justify their poor decisions isn’t her cup of tea.

“And most of the people at university are super annoying. They either only care about grades or parties. They’re all so self-absorbed.”

Mai nods, her face blank as Zuko grows more agitated.

“And they all hate me anyway, so what’s the point?”

Mai’s facade breaks.

“What?”

“They hate me,” Zuko grumbles, not meeting her eyes.

“Why would they hate you?”

“Because they do!” Zuko shouts suddenly. 

Mai gives him an unimpressed look. His anger seems to deflate under her judgmental gaze.

“Sorry,” he says quietly.

Mai does what she has always been trained to do and politely ignores his outburst.

“People wouldn’t just hate you for no reason,” she points out. “And it’s a university with thousands of students. They can’t _all_ hate you. They probably don’t even know you.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Zuko says darkly. “I know what people see when they look at me.”

“What do you mean?”

“This!” Zuko says savagely, pointing at his scar. 

Mai stares at him, slightly mystified.

“What are you talking about?”

Zuko bristles in anger, throwing his hands in the air.

“You can’t tell me it wasn’t the first thing you noticed,” he says. 

“Actually,” Mai replies, “I noticed you were a lot taller. And your hair is shorter.”

Zuko glares at her, crossing his arms against his chest.

“Yeah, right.”

“I did _notice_ the scar,” Mai says with a shrug. “But it wasn’t the first thing I noticed.”

“Yeah, well, everyone else seems to _notice_ it a lot more than you do,” Zuko grumbles. “And it gets old, being the freak that everyone stares at.”

“Are you sure that’s why they’re staring at you?” Mai asks, allowing one eyebrow to rise in question.

Zuko goggles at her.

“What _else_ would they be staring at?”

“The rest of your face. You might have a scar, but that doesn’t mean you’re not handsome.”

Mai can scarcely believe these words have left her mouth. This was all Ty Lee’s fault; she had been the one to mention just how cute Zuko was before he arrived. Now he was staring at Mai in shock, and she had to think quickly to extricate herself from this horrible faux pas.

“We better leave now if we want to visit Azula,” Mai says, standing abruptly. “She’ll be upset if we’re late.”

She can hear Zuko following her down the hallway, but neither of them speak to each other for the rest of the day. That suits Mai just fine. She’s not sure what on earth had possessed her to speak so freely.

Truth be told, Mai’s self control felt a bit shaky of late. She had always prided herself on keeping her cool — she didn’t get angry like Azula or teary like Ty Lee. Mai’s absence of emotion had made her invisible, which had plenty of upsides. When Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula were at school, it was Mai’s stoicism that got them out of any trouble. The teachers found it impossible to believe that quiet, calm Mai would ever have stolen food from the kitchens, or let a bunch of stray cats loose in the gymnasium. The three of them would be sent off without any punishment. Keeping quiet was Mai’s best skill, but she was only now realizing that it came at a price.

Mai was so good at hiding her emotions that for a long time, she assumed she didn’t really have any. This would have been worrying, except that worrying was also an emotion and, thus, Mai ignored it. But there were strange flashes of intense feeling that Mai could remember: hearing that Zuko Sozin had run away from home, seeing the excitement on her parent’s face when Tom-Tom screamed loudly in delight, waiting for the ambulance to come take Azula to the hospital. There was something roiling underneath the surface, something urgent. It would have to come out.

There were ways to express unpleasant feelings. Some people wrote poetry, or screamed into a pillow, or sobbed. Mai found all of these options even more repulsive than the feelings themselves. No, Mai had found a way to channel her feelings into one of the few activities her parents approved of, further solidifying their assessment that she was a well-behaved daughter. When they had sent her off to tennis camp so many years ago, they had had no idea that Mai would put the vicious anger and resentment boiling inside her to such use.

The Sozin estate has a tennis court, but Mai doesn’t like to use it much. For one thing, the only people around the play with her were usually Ty Lee and Azula. Ty Lee would play for only a few minutes before trying to add cartwheels to make it more interesting, and Azula had broken more than one racket when Mai had soundly beaten her. If she was craving some activity, Mai would usually go out by herself and set up the ball machine so she could work out her frustration alone.

After dinner, Ty Lee flits off to watch her favorite soap operas and Mai heads out with a racket slung over her shoulder. She spends half an hour working up a sweat, hitting each ball with a ferocity that she can barely contain. The machine finally runs out of balls to launch at her and she pauses to catch her breath.

“Impressive.”

Mai whirls around. Zuko is standing at the edge of the court, a curious expression on his face. Mai turns away, furious again. She tells herself her annoyance is aimed at Zuko for interrupting, but a part of her knows that she’s really angry with herself for liking the compliment.

“Can I play?” Zuko asks.

Mai turns to give him an evaluating stare.

“Whatever,” she says finally. “It’s your house.”

“I’ll be right back.”

Zuko disappears, presumably to get himself a racket, and Mai goes about sweeping up all the discarded balls.

 _Keep it together,_ she scolds herself. _Behave_.

Zuko returns looking a bit windswept from running. There is a hint of smile on his lips and it makes Mai’s heart hammer in her chest.

Mai smashes an ace so hard, Zuko doesn’t even have time to react. Belatedly, he turns his head to follow the ball as it skitters into the back corner of the court.

“You’re going to have to teach me how to do that,” he says with a smirk.

“You better pay attention, then.”

Mai is merciless. Zuko hits maybe half of her strikes, and only half of those are good enough to bother hitting back at him. Zuko is not a poor athlete by any stretch. Azula may have always been the one with the raw talent, but Zuko never gives up. He chases after every ball, extends his arms and legs as far as they will carry him. Mai doesn’t laugh when he ends up splayed out on the court. She waits patiently for him to reset himself and begins again.

Before long, the sun is well and truly set. Although there are lights they could turn on, they both take the darkness as an excuse to stop. Mai is exhausted. Even though she had outclassed Zuko in skill, his stamina was just as good as hers.

“Play again tomorrow?” Zuko asks. His tone is nonchalant, but Mai notices his tight grip on his racket.

“Sure.”

She meets him the next evening, and the evening after that. Ty Lee whispers excitedly to Mai about this, but Mai waves her off. She doesn’t want any distractions buzzing around. Out on the court, she needs to focus.

Zuko, for his part, is an excellent opponent. His backhand is laughably poor, and he has a tendency to flinch if the ball gets too close to his face, but his tenacity is unparalleled. Mai is always the one who calls it quits first. Even if Zuko had lost twenty straight sets, Mai was sure he’d still be out on the court, trying his hardest to win the twenty-first.

“Come here,” she says after one evening session. She has turned the lights on so they can stay out longer, even though they’re both already tired.

“Here,” she says, nudging him. “Your wrist position is all wrong. Like this,” she demonstrates.

Zuko copies her, brow furrowed in concentration.

“Passable,” she announces. “Now see if you can strike back.”

She lobs an easy shot at him. Zuko swings wildly, sending the ball over the net.

“That does feel better,” Zuko says, looking pleased.

“Yes, but you don’t need to whack it like that. You’ve got no control. You lack precision.”

“I’ve heard that before,” Zuko grumbles.

“You want to win. I get it,” Mai says with a shrug. “But sometimes, less is more. See?”

She demonstrates, tapping the ball with just enough force to clear the net. An opponent would have to race to the corner to hit it in time.

She expects Zuko to frown at this, or at least make fun of her. It was what Azula would always do when Mai was trying to stay collected.

But Zuko surprises her. He grabs a ball and, with surprising gentleness, repeats his earlier motion. This time it lacks enough force to go very far, but the motion is more controlled.

“Balance,” he mumbles to himself as he tries again.

Mai runs him through several more drills. She should stop; it’s late, and the next day would be Azula’s expected release from the hospital, which was sure to be an emotionally taxing event. However, Zuko seems reluctant to leave the court as well. When she runs out of ideas, he starts asking her to demonstrate more and more complex moves. 

Although it’s hardly ever cold in Caldera City, as their sweat dries, they are both shivering on the brightly lit court. They both finally acknowledge it’s time to head back.

“Thank you for doing all this,” Zuko says quietly.

“Doing what?”

“Distracting me.”

“What am I supposed to be distracting you from?”

Zuko looks forlornly up at the house.

“It hasn’t changed, has it? Time passes, and you hope things will be different, but…”

Mai isn’t quite sure what he means, so she plays it safe and stays quiet.

“You’re different though,” he says suddenly, turning to look at her.

Mai’s mask of placidity slips.

“Me?”

“Yeah,” Zuko says easily. “You used to be so shy. I almost never heard you talk.”

“Maybe I’m just not a good conversationalist,” Mai says, her expression stony again.

Zuko shrugs.

“I wouldn’t know. But it’s nice, hanging out with you. You’re pretty cool.”

“Why, because I can kick your ass?” Mai says sarcastically.

“Yeah,” Zuko says, and the honesty in his voice makes Mai blink in surprise. “But you’re not mean about it. It’s fun. Like a game.”

“Tennis _is_ a game, Zuko,” Mai points out.

“The way you play, it sort of feels like a duel.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she says flatly.

Zuko lets out a noise of frustration.

“I’m trying to be nice!” he says crossly. “Can’t I just pay you a compliment?”

“And what is the compliment, exactly?”

“That you’re nice to be around, okay?”

They reach the base of the steps up to the house. Mai turns to look at Zuko. There’s a flush on his face that probably isn’t from exertion. Mai considers his words and decides this is a good time for her allotted once-a-year impulse decision. 

Her lips press against Zuko’s for the briefest moment before she pulls away. It is too fast to really savor, and Mai regrets that she hadn’t held out for longer. If she was going to do something really stupid, like kiss her friend’s brother, she could have at least had the guts to make it worth her while.

She takes a step back, ready to turn towards the house, but Zuko stops her with a hand on her shoulder. He stares down at her, searching her face for something. She’s not sure what he’s looking for, but he must find it because a moment later, his lips are pressed against hers again.

It’s… nice, Mai supposes. It’s a chaste kiss by all accounts, but Mai can feel her heart hammering in her chest. She’s only ever kissed one boy, and it was on a dare from Azula when they were nine, so she’s pretty sure it doesn’t count. Zuko’s lips are warm and inviting, and he smells surprisingly good for having been running around on a tennis court for the past hour. He pulls away after a brief moment, but it’s enough to make Mai want more.

Zuko watches her reaction warily. Mai summons her daring, although her face is as neutral as ever.

“Want to play again tomorrow night?”

Zuko gives her an evaluating look.

“Azula will be back,” he points out.

“So?”

A beat passes. Zuko smiles.

“Okay.”

They head back into the house, barely meeting each other’s eyes as they part ways to go to bed. Mai tries to clear her head a bit with a shower before going back to her shared room with Ty Lee. Ty Lee perks up as Mai enters.

“Something happened,” Ty Lee says, a slight frown on her face. “Your aura is very strange.”

“For the millionth time,” Mai sighs, “auras are not a _thing_.”

Ty Lee ignores this and hums happily.

“It was something good, wasn’t it?” she says smugly. “You’re only annoyed at me when something good happens.”

“I’m not—“ Mai starts. She catches a glimpse of Ty Lee and the nest of blankets she has burrowed herself in while watching television. As much as Mai values her privacy, she can’t quite find it in her to brush off Ty Lee when she’s clearly been having a hard time with Azula’s hospitalization.

“Fine,” Mai says, flopping next to Ty Lee on the bed. “Something good happened. Happy?”

“Eee!” Ty Lee squeals excitedly. “It’s something to do with Zuko, isn’t it? Does he like you? Ooh, I hope he does! He’d be crazy not to, Mai. Your legs look insanely good in that skirt. And you’re so good at tennis — men like it when you’re good at stuff.”

Mai quirks up an eyebrow.

“I was under the impression that most men didn’t like getting their asses kicked.”

“ _Boys_ don’t like it,” Ty Lee corrects her. “But a real man admires a confident, self-possessed woman.”

“Ah,” Mai rolls her eyes. “Thank you for your sage wisdom.”

“You’re very welcome,” Ty Lee says primly, smiling at Mai’s sarcastic tone. “Now, tell me everything. Did you kiss?”

Mai feels herself flush. Ty Lee squeals again.

“You did! Oh my goodness! This is so exciting, Mai! Is he a good kisser?”

“I am _not_ going to dignify that with a response.”

“He _is_ , isn’t he? Oh, Mai, I’m so happy for you. Really, you’ll be a great match.”

“You don’t know that,” Mai says. “Zuko has been gone for a long time. We still barely know him.”

“I don’t think people really change that much,” Ty Lee says with a shrug.

“Really?” Mai sits up, surprised. “I would’ve thought you were all about people changing for the better and all that nonsense.”

“Sure, people can change for the better,” Ty Lee smiles. “But Zuko was already nice before. Remember when we were seven and Azula was throwing apples at your head and he tackled you so you wouldn’t get hurt?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. He knocked me into the pond and that frog got stuck in my dress,” Mai says with a shudder of revulsion.

“Well, it’s the thought that counts. Anyway, you can get to know him much better this summer, can’t you? Ooh, Mai, you have a boyfriend at university now — that’s so mature!”

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

“But you want him to be, don’t you?”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

“I’ll take that as a yes!”

“Whatever.”

As she tries to drift off later, Mai replays the kiss in her mind over and over again. She wonders if Zuko is thinking about it, too. She heaves a sigh and rolls over. Sleep will not come easily tonight.


	3. Shifting

Azula’s release from the hospital is overseen by Mai, Ty Lee, Zuko, and the head of the Sozin Estate housekeeping staff, Ping. Ping had been given medical authorization from Ozai so that Azula could be treated without Ozai having to return from his business trip. His absence looms large over the day, even if no one will say it out loud. The moment they step out of the hospital, Azula dismisses Ping.

“We’re going out,” Azula says with a wave of her hand. “Don’t wait up.”

Given that it is hardly mid-afternoon, Mai can’t quite imagine what shenanigans Azula is envisioning. Ty Lee suggests getting taiyaki ice cream to celebrate. Mai thinks this is a rather tactless choice for a recovering anorexic, but she’s surprised to find that Azula not only orders one, but eats almost half of it before declaring it ‘too sweet’ and tossing it in the trash. Ty Lee is so happy to see Azula eating that she is practically levitating.

The only person who doesn’t seemed relieved at Azula’s newfound freedom is Zuko. He makes a half-hearted attempt to eat his ice cream, but it melts down his hand and arm in the sweltering Caldera City heat. 

“It seems like being out of civilization so long has made you lose your table manners,” Azula says mockingly. She thrusts several napkins across the table. Zuko flushes.

“It’s good to have you home, brother,” Azula continues, her tone less teasing.

Zuko’s frown only deepens. His expression vacillates between confusion and anger.

“Why do you say that?” he says finally. 

Mai thinks that he, too, senses a trap. She only wishes she could tell what it was. She’s not normally one to stick her neck out for someone — especially if it meant confronting Azula — but the memory of the kiss makes her feel a bit weak-willed.

“Clearly, I need you around,” Azula says in a light tone that doesn’t quite match the intensity of her gaze. “I wasn’t well, and now I am.”

Ty Lee and Mai exchange a worried look. That is, Ty Lee looks worried. Mai looks bored, but she certainly doesn’t feel it.

“You’re _not_ well,” Zuko points out. “Just because you’re out the hospital —”

“I’m better now that you’re here,” Azula interrupts. “And Father will be very pleased to hear about what you did for me.”

“What I… what do you mean?”

“You came back to take care of me,” Azula explains, as if to a particularly dim-witted child. “You know, to be my big brother and support me through this difficult time. And you’re in a top university now, Zuzu. Father will be very proud to have you back home, being a good influence on me.”

_This is_ , Mai thinks, _the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard_. But, horrifyingly, she can see the look on Zuko’s face, and he appears to be buying it. The words _Father_ and _proud_ seem to have been the only things he had heard. 

“But… I…”

“It’s so good you’re home, brother,” Azula says firmly. “Father will bet very pleased to have you back.”

Zuko seems slightly dazed, and he nods. Azula grins.

“Well,” she says, springing up from her seat. “Shall we go home?”

The day is spent like any other summer day: doing whatever Azula wants to do. This system has worked perfectly for years. Ty Lee is happy that she’s with other people, Azula is happy that she is in charge, and Mai… well, Mai never makes a fuss about being happy or not, so it doesn’t really matter.

If Mai were to put a name to her feelings, chief among them would be trepidation. She wants to be happy Azula is home, but the precarious balance of their world has shifted. Azula has finally gotten into trouble that she couldn’t talk her way out of. Azula did not like to lose, and there was no doubt about it: she would lose her father’s respect for her illness. Mai, of course, knew that this was monumentally unfair, just as she knew that Ozai was an insufferable prick. Neither of the Sozin children seemed to know this, however, and had always chased after their father’s affection. Mai had known from the moment she met Ozai that the man was completely incapable of love. Ty Lee would say it was his aura, but Mai knew better. 

Mai was good at spotting a mask. Ozai’s mask was that of an upstanding citizen, a businessman and father of two gifted children. Underneath the facade, there was nothing. If he lost face, he risked everything.

It takes Mai a few hours, but she slowly figures out Azula’s game. Azula plays up Zuko’s involvement in her recovery, constantly praising him for ‘being there’ for her, and insisting to the cooks that she wanted to have a ‘real dinner’ now that her brother was home. Mai is no fool. She knows that Azula has no intention of changing her ways. If, and more likely _when_ , she should fall ill again, it will be on Zuko’s head for not being supportive enough. In one afternoon, Azula has unloaded her problem onto Zuko, who can’t seem to see any of the machinations of his sister. Perhaps his absence has left him out of practice, or perhaps Zuko really is a sentimental fool. 

Mai should warn him about her suspicions. When she meets him down on the tennis courts later — Ty Lee insists Azula watch soap operas with her to allow Mai some privacy — she is distracted by trying to think of a way to broach the topic. She misses a backhand and Zuko frowns at her. He strides across the court to meet her at the net.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Mai says flatly. “Just an off night.”

“Oh,” Zuko says, looking nervous. “Is it.. is it because of last night?”

Mai blinks at him. With all of Azula’s dramatics, she had almost forgotten about the kiss.

“If you don’t want to talk about it,” Zuko says quickly, “we can just play. It’s fine.”

Mai thinks fast. She can’t figure out a way to warn him about Azula, and she doesn’t want to talk about feelings. She does the only thing she can think of: she kisses him again.

Zuko doesn’t seem to mind that she’s slightly sweaty. He winds his arms around her and pulls her close, the net pressing awkwardly between them. She should feel gross — he’s a bit sweaty, too, and it’s humid and sticky out — but it feels… well, _wonderful_ is the best way to describe it, although Mai would rather cut out her tongue than say something so mushy out loud.

The upside of kissing is there’s no more talking. Mai’s silence is usually mistaken for rudeness, but the truth is usually she simply does not know what to say. Better to say nothing than to betray her ignorance or discomfort. Given his awkward behavior this afternoon, she thinks Zuko might be the same way. Kissing is better than uncomfortable silence.

Kissing is surprisingly _not_ silent. Mai supposes she’s never really thought about it before. In movies, there’s usually music playing over the kissing. Now, the sound of crickets fills the air, but she can still hear the huffs of Zuko’s breath as they shift against each other. Zuko’s tongue slides against Mai’s lips and, unbidden, a gasp escapes her.

She wants to flee in embarrassment, but Zuko’s hands are suddenly tight against her waist. He kisses her more fervently, groaning against her lips.

_Oh,_ she thinks faintly. _Oh._

She had not expected to feel like _this_ so quickly. _This_ feeling is one she’s only ever had alone. _This_ is how she feels when she’s secretly reading those romance books that Ty Lee likes. _This_ feels hot and out of control and Mai never, ever wants it to stop. The sound of crickets fades and the thrum of blood rushes in her ears, sweeping lower and lower towards where her body is pressed against the net and Zuko.

She takes a half step back and Zuko releases her immediately. They stare at each other, each looking slightly guilty.

“Do you, um…” Zuko stammers, looking around wildly, “want to go on a walk?”

Mai does not. Mai wants to kiss some more. Mai is terrified to kiss some more. 

She nods.

They leave the court without putting away any of the balls and wander aimlessly through the gardens. The silence is oppressive, and Zuko won’t quite meet her gaze. Or she won’t meet his — she can’t be sure, or she would risk making eye contact, and she suspects her usual calm face isn’t as composed as it should be.

They end up in front of a pond tucked in a far corner of the gardens, about as far as the house as possible. Mai frowns.

“I’ve never been here before,” she says. “How is that even possible?”

“Azula doesn’t like it,” Zuko says. There’s something in his voice that Mai can’t quite place, something sad. “It was my mom’s favorite spot.”

Mai stays quiet. It’s hard to offer sympathy about his deceased mother when she can’t stop thinking about the heat of his hands on her back.

“It’s my favorite spot, too,” Zuko continues. “Azula won’t come here, if you want to…”

Tentatively, Zuko takes a step towards her. Mai presses forward. 

She’s not sure how long they stay there, but her lips feel bruised and her hair is mussed when her watches buzzes. She pulls away from Zuko, who trails his thumb down the side of her face.

“It’s Ty Lee,” Mai says, reading the text displayed. “She wants to know where I am.”

“I can walk you back.”

“How chivalrous.”

Mai thinks for a moment that Zuko might take offense to her sarcasm, but he lets out a snort.

“That’s what you want, isn’t it? A knight in shining armor?”

“Oh, yes,” Mai agrees with the same dull tone. “I’m a damsel in distress.”

“Clearly.”

“I couldn’t possibly take care of myself.”

“It’s a big house,” Zuko nods. “You could get lost.”

“Or attacked by some bandits.”

“Or kidnapped for ransom.”

“Thank goodness you’re here. A big, strong man. What would I do without you?”

Zuko is grinning at her in a way that makes the same _feeling_ return with a vengeance. She is going to need a long time alone in the shower tonight.

Before she turns away to head to her room, Zuko darts in to kiss her cheek.

“Tomorrow?” he asks.

“Tomorrow,” she promises.

—

She had honestly expected much more fallout from Azula’s discovery of her tryst with Zuko. But then again, Azula was always full of surprises.

Three days after her release from the hospital, and after three evenings of extremely enjoyable kissing sessions, Azula confronts them at breakfast.

“Mai, you really have the worst taste in men.”

Zuko freezes. Mai was already frozen, as she usually is when Azula speaks to her. She waits for Azula to continue.

“Zuko, on the other hand, I must say I’m impressed. Mai is a real catch. I don’t know what you did to get her to go out with you, but well done.”

Ty Lee gives an excited gasp.

“Does this mean you two are dating? Officially?”

Zuko shoots Mai a panicked look. There had not been much talking to accompany the kissing, much less a discussion of their relationship status. Azula and Ty Lee, however, seem happy enough to draw their own conclusions.

“Just don’t fool around anywhere we could catch you,” Azula says, pulling a face. “Ugh, this is putting me off my breakfast.”

She pushes away a bowl of untouched jook. Ty Lee’s face falls briefly, but she turns back to Mai with a smile.

“Well, _I_ think it’s sweet.”

“Come on, Ty Lee,” Azula says with a wave of her hands. “I need you to time me while I practice sprints. Mai, enjoy your terrible life choices. Zuko, don’t screw things up like you usually do.”

Azula and Ty Lee saunter out of the dining room. Ty Lee shoots Mai one last excited glance and mouths _have fun_ before she springs out of sight.

Mai and Zuko keep their eyes fixed on the table, a heavy silence between them.

“Look, I know we didn’t talk about it, but if you want—“ Zuko begins.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Zuko looks confused. “Okay as in… you want to be my girlfriend?”

“Okay.”

Her tone is flat and uncaring, but Zuko smiles at her anyway. Mai feels herself blush and she looks away.

“Are you embarrassed?” Zuko asks, a hint of teasing in his voice.

“No,” Mai lies. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Poor Mai,” Zuko jokes. “It must be terrible for you, having to experience genuine emotion.”

This comment actually stings a little, but as usual, Mai hides it.

“What’s terrible is my taste in men, apparently. I’m you girlfriend for all of twenty seconds and the first thing you do is make fun of me.”

“Good point,” Zuko nods. “Clearly I should be reciting you poetry instead.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“ _She is the moon and the tide, the sun and the dawn_ ,” Zuko intones in his rasping voice. “ _The light on the water, the beacon of a new day_.”

Mai goggles at him, forgetting to hide her shock.

“From _Love Amongst the Dragons_?” Zuko says, looking a little embarrassed.

“I recognized it,” Mai admits. “I’m just surprised you have it _memorized_.”

Zuko flushes.

“It was my mom’s favorite play.”

Something tightens in Mai’s chest. She ignores it, but it’s hard.

“Well, I suppose it’s fine if you recite poetry to me,” she says turning up her nose. “But nothing too sappy, got it?”

“ _Oh, how my heart pines for thee!_ ” Zuko says dramatically clutching at his chest. “ _The fire that has been lit within my soul upon seeing thine face!_ ”

Mai throws a fork at Zuko’s head. He bats it away and laughs. It’s the first time she’s heard Zuko laugh since his return. It makes her heart race.

“Let’s go the pond,” she says in a casual tone.

Zuko’s eyes light up.

“So the poetry worked?”

“Shut up.”

Zuko laughs again. Mai fails to suppress a shiver. Fortunately, Zuko doesn’t seem to notice and they leave their breakfast behind.

—

There is only one day of tranquility before everything turns on its head again. Ozai returns home unexpectedly early, and the whole household tenses.

Ozai did not spend much time at the Sozin estate. At least, Mai had never seen him much in the previous summers. She and Ty Lee knew it was best to avoid him, although Azula would usually have a private dinner with her father when he was home. Mai and Ty Lee would eat in the kitchen, both relieved that Ozai hated children enough to send them away.

“Why does he even let us stay the summer?” Ty Lee asks Mai once.

“It’s good for business,” Mai tells her. “Your family has connections with all the restaurants they own, and my family has all the hotel stuff. My parents think he’s great for hosting us, so they keep doing business with him. It’s all about money.”

This summer, however, Zuko’s presence causes a stir. The first evening, he and Azula are summoned to dine with their father. Mai and Ty Lee go to the kitchen, but Mai barely touches her plate.

“It will be fine,” Ty Lee says, trying to goad Mai into eating her bok choy. “Ozai must be happy to see Zuko again, especially with everything he’s done for Azula.”

Mai gives Ty Lee a withering glare.

“You know perfectly well he hasn’t done anything for Azula.”

“How can you say that?” Ty Lee’s face pulls into a pout. “Azula has been so much better with him around.”

“No, Azula’s just been her usual self.”

“But isn’t that a good —”

“No,” Mai interrupts harshly. “She was sick before, and she’s still sick now. She’s just hiding behind Zuko. No good will come of this.”

“Give her some credit,” Ty Lee pleads. “She’s trying.”

“Is she? Or is she just pretending?”

Ty Lee pushes away her plate, eyes filling with tears. They sit in miserable silence. The poor cook, Tran, takes away their untouched plates looking slightly offended.

Mai goes to the tennis court as soon as she can. She waits an hour for Zuko to show up, but when he finally arrives, he is still dressed formally from dinner.

“Hi,” Mai says. She wants to ask _what happened_ and _are you okay_ and _do you need me to strangle your dad for being such a massive dick_. She stays quiet.

“Oh,” Zuko says, sounding slightly surprised to find her in front of him. “Hi.”

Mai waits. Zuko looks distractedly off into the night.

“Well?”

Zuko turns back to her.

“Well, what?”

Mai raises an eyebrow and waits.

“He said he was happy to see me,” Zuko says faintly, as if he can’t quite believe what he is saying. “He thanked me for helping Azula.”

_No!_ Mai wants to scream. _It’s a set up!_

“He invited me to stay the whole summer. You know, so I can keep an eye on Azula.”

Mai tries to find the words to tell him to run, to get out before it’s too late, but Zuko continues.

“It’s a good thing,” he says firmly. “It will be good to be home. I… I’ve wanted to come back for a long time.” 

He turns towards house, a painful look of longing on his face.

“And this means I get to spend the summer with you,” he adds.

Mai blinks. This had not factored into her calculations.

She should protest. She should stand firm and tell Zuko what she really thinks: that Azula is using him, and his father is eager for Zuko to take the fall for whatever mess is yet to come. But as Zuko presses his lips to hers, as he kisses her softly in the way he knows she likes best, her worries start to melt away.

Maybe it _would_ be fine. Maybe Ty Lee was right: Azula was trying to turn things around, and Zuko really _was_ helping her. It wasn’t impossible. Besides, she would be here all summer, too. She could look out for Zuko in case he needed it. And in the meantime…

Azula and Ty Lee don’t tease her when she returns to the house with her hair mussed and her clothes slightly askew. Her opinion is needed on who has the best posture — another weird competition that Azula has invented — and they seem uninterested to hear whatever is on her mind.

Mai stays quiet and lets Azula win. Maybe people can change, but Mai doesn’t think she can.


	4. Feeling

Ozai doesn’t linger around Sozin Estate. After less than a week, he’s off again and the teenagers are left to their own devices.

Unfortunately, the dynamic has already shifted in the house, and Mai doesn’t get to spend nearly as much time alone with Zuko as she wants. Despite the summer holidays, there is still course work to get done, and Ozai had given Zuko strict instructions to put his university learning to good use. Ostensibly, this meant Zuko was supposed to tutor Azula, but in reality it meant that Azula was forcing Zuko to do her work for her. Mai worked alongside him — might as well get her own assignments out of the way — but it wasn’t exactly quality time spent together.

One afternoon, Mai notices Zuko frowning over an enormous tome she doesn’t recognize.

“Please tell me you’re not using that for something Azula is supposed to be doing,” Mai groans. “I’ve already read enough books this summer.”

“No, it’s for me,” Zuko says, scarcely looking up from the page. Mai catches the faintest hint of a blush on his face.

“For you?”

“A research project.”

Zuko’s tone is curt. Mai should just leave it alone — clearly, it isn’t something he wants to talk about — but she suspects that whatever is embarrassing Zuko isn’t actually something to be embarrassed about.

“What’s the project?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Come on, Zuko. I’m bored. Tell me.”

Zuko sighs and closes the book.

“Fine. It’s for the classics department.”

Mai waits for the embarrassing part for a long time before she realizes that this _is_ what Zuko was embarrassed about.

“Are you a classics major?”

Zuko crosses his arms.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“What do you mean, ‘why not’? It’s a dumb major. I would never get a job.”

“Maybe,” Mai shrugs. “But it seems like you like it.”

“It doesn’t matter what I like.”

“Oh,” Mai says, understanding dawning. “Because your dad is paying for school?”

“No,” Zuko says, and he flushes even more. “Dad isn’t paying for school.”

“How are you paying for it then?”

Zuko shifts uncomfortably.

“Uncle Iroh is helping me.”

Mai isn’t sure how to proceed. Zuko didn’t talk about his uncle very often, and when he did, he seemed a bit distant. Mai didn’t remember Zuko’s uncle much; Azula spoke mockingly about him, but Azula’s standards for other people didn’t quite match up to Mai’s. She waits, hoping Zuko will say more.

“Uncle didn’t want me to stay here this summer.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know,” Zuko says, frustrated. “All I wanted for years was to come back home, and when I finally got the chance —“

“Wait,” Mai says suddenly. “What do you mean?”

“…that I wanted to come back home?”

“Yeah. You ran away. Why didn’t you just come back?”

“I…” Zuko looks astounded. “I didn’t _run away_. My dad kicked me out.”

Mai stares at him, unable to hide her horrified reaction.

“He _kicked you out_? You were fourteen!”

“You’re one to talk,” Zuko says viciously. “Haven’t your parents sent you to boarding school since you were seven? And you come here every summer instead of going home.”

“I don’t _want_ to go home,” Mai responds furiously. “And don’t pretend you know anything about my family.”

“Don’t pretend you know anything about mine!”

“I’ve spent more time with Azula and your dad than you have!” Mai fires back. “And honestly, I don’t know why anyone would be so desperate to come back here!”

Mai stands abruptly and storms out. It’s unlike her to shout and be so emotional, and she’s afraid of what will come out next if she stays.

She finds herself at the edge of Zuko’s favorite pond and sits there to stew for an hour. She’s not sure why she stays — maybe there’s a small part of her that hopes Zuko will eventually find her. By the time Zuko does arrive, Mai has regained her outward composure at least.

“I’m sorry I said that about your parents,” Zuko begins.

“It’s fine.”

“Mai, you don’t have to say something is fine when it’s not. You can be mad at me. You _should_ be mad at me.”

Mai says nothing. Zuko sighs and sits next to her, the two of them watching the koi fish gently glide through the water.

“Does your uncle care if you’re a classics major?” Mai asks finally.

Zuko seems surprised by this question.

“No. He keeps telling me to _find my own path_ , whatever that means.”

Mai tries to tamp down her jealousy. Her parents have made it clear her whole life that she would be expected to bring home a degree in hospitality, focused on hotel management. Mai could not imagine anything more dreary than a class studying how to be polite to strangers.

“Why don’t you do what you want?” Mai asks after a long beat. “It seems like your uncle just wants you to be happy.”

Zuko scoffs.

“Yeah, right. Like anyone is really _happy_ with their life.”

“Some people are.”

Zuko shoots her a doubtful look.

“I didn’t say _me_ ,” she adds. “But people who get to follow their dreams or whatever. They’re probably happy.”

“Happiness doesn’t last. Respect lasts. You should do something that brings you respect.”

Mai sneaks a peak at Zuko’s face. He usually takes care to sit with his ‘good’ side facing her, but today she has full view of his scar. Something twists in her stomach.

“Don’t you think it matters _whose_ respect you’re chasing?”

Zuko turns to face her head-on. He frowns.

“Respect is respect. If people respect you, they’ll do what you want.”

“That doesn’t sound like respect. That sounds like fear.”

Zuko shrugs.

“I mean, people have to fear you to respect you, don’t they?”

“No.”

Zuko waits for her to elaborate. Mai thinks carefully — she knows they are skating around dangerous Ozai-related territory here, and Mai doesn’t want to fight again. She doesn’t know where else go sulk privately.

“Look,” she says finally. “The problem with other people is that they’re all different. Some people will like you, and some will hate you. Some people will respect you without you needing to prove yourself, and some people will never respect you, no matter what you do. If you spend all your time trying to pick a path that will satisfy other people, you’re going to be miserable.”

Zuko’s mouth hangs slightly open.

“What?” Mai bristles.

“Pretty sure that’s the most I’ve ever heard you say at once.”

“Ugh,” Mai says, rolling her eyes. “Goodbye, Zuko.”

“Wait!”

Zuko jumps up and grabs her hand as she goes to leave.

“Sorry, I… that was the wrong thing to say. I was just surprised. You sounded a lot like my uncle, actually.”

“Well, then, he sounds pretty smart,” Mai says, crossing her arms against her chest.

“Yeah,” Zuko sighs. He stares at his shoes, looking suddenly sad. “I know he says that stuff to help me. I just… I don’t _get_ it.” Zuko’s expression clouds. “It’s so _easy_ for him to tell me just to follow my heart or whatever, but I don’t know what that _means_.”

“I think it means whatever you want it to mean.”

“But that doesn’t make any sense!” Zuko throws up his hands. “I just want to do the right thing, and I’m so bad at it!”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am!” Zuko’s voice starts to crack with anger and hurt. “You don’t understand. I’ve _tried_ to do what I thought was right, and it always blows up in my face. It’s why my dad kicked me out in the first place!”

Mai draws in a sharp breath. Zuko turns back towards the pond, and when he speaks again, it is in a voice so low she can barely hear it.

“My dad let Azula and I come to one of his business meetings,” Zuko begins. “I think he was trying to present a ‘family’ image or whatever. We were supposed to stay quiet but…”

Zuko flops down onto the grass, a resigned look on his face.

“I disagreed with my dad. They were acquiring some other company — I don’t even remember the details. But they were going to lay people off, and they wanted to keep costs down. They came up with this sneaky way to fire people without paying any severance, and it was one of those companies that’s basically the entire town’s industry. I said I thought it was a bad idea — it would ruin the people’s image of Sozin Industries and we would lose respect… I guess you’re right, Mai. You can’t make everyone respect you.”

Zuko trails off, his eyes closed in memory. Mai sits down carefully next to him.

“Your dad sent you to your uncle after that?”

“My uncle came to get me after the accident.”

Mai hugs her knees to her chest. She has a stomachache again. She sneaks a glance at Zuko, who frowns.

“It _was_ an accident,” he says stonily.

“Okay.”

“I wasn’t supposed to be standing there. It could have happened to anyone.”

“Okay.”

In truth, Mai doesn’t know what accident Zuko is talking about, but she assumes it’s about his scar. She doesn’t want to know the details, and Zuko appears unwilling to elaborate. A tense silence hangs over them.

“I’m sorry your dad sent you away,” Mai says finally. 

“I deserved it.”

Mai frowns.

“Zuko…”

“Please, Mai. Let’s just… talk about something else.”

A half hour passes in silence before they agree to go back to the house. For the first time in two weeks, they don’t meet up to kiss that evening.

—

Despite the awkwardness between them for the next few days, Mai and Zuko rekindle their budding romance quickly enough. They usually only get an hour or two alone together at the end of the day — Azula always seems to interrupt them during the day, claiming she needed Zuko to do something to ‘help’ her, or that she wanted Mai’s attention for one thing or another. They both went along with whatever Azula wanted, but by the end of the day, they were both so grumpy that Azula no longer wanted to see either of them.

They usually start off with a game of tennis. On the few evenings when they skipped playing, they were both awkward and taciturn with each other. Something about running around competing with one another loosens them up. On a whim, Mai decides to begin a match with some mild trash talk and Zuko doesn’t miss a beat. Soon, their matches are full of shouted taunts and profanities, things Mai would never normally allow herself to say. Zuko seems to find it funny, which is surprising given how angry he gets when Azula teases him.

As they step off the court, Mai feels flushed and a little giddy. She imagines this is how Ty Lee feels all the time. Perhaps she should stop making fun of her — Mai felt a sudden strange affinity for the color pink.

“You’re getting better,” she tells Zuko. “At this rate, it will only take you a year to win a match against me. I had you at five years initially.”

“Practice makes perfect.”

Zuko grins and pulls her towards him, kissing her soundly.

“You’re cute when you’re mean,” he adds fondly.

“What kind of weirdo wants their girlfriend to be mean to them?” Mai asks. She certainly enjoys the compliment, but if she’s honest, she’s a little worried about Zuko’s self-esteem.

Zuko, however, just shrugs and smiles.

“I know you don’t mean it,” he says. “Besides, you’re only nice to people you feel uncomfortable around. If you’re mean to me, it’s because you like me.”

“That’s some terrible logic.”

“Maybe you’re a terrible person.”

“No arguments there.”

They resume their kissing, pausing long enough to dash towards the privacy of the pond. They tumble onto the grass, pressed firmly against one another. Mai’s heart races in exhilaration and anticipation.

As enjoyable as kissing is, Mai knows they are edging towards the brink of something new. She can feel a physical ache now, a thirst that kissing alone can’t quench. She knows Zuko feels it, too — something warm and firm presses against her as she molds herself on top of Zuko. The problem is she is absolutely petrified to proceed. She wants to just _do it_ , to be bold and take the next ‘step,’ but she doesn’t know where it will lead. It will change things between them, and she still needs time to figure things out.

This particular evening, about a month after their first kiss, Zuko’s hands skim along the hem of her shirt. He has done this before, but Mai was rather distracted, and hadn’t thought much about it. Tonight, his fingers slip under the fabric, lightly pressing on her bare skin. Mai goes rigid.

“Sorry,” Zuko says quickly, removing his hands.

“It’s fine,” Mai says quickly, embarrassed by her reaction. “You can do it.”

Zuko frowns up at her.

“But you don’t want me to.”

“I said it’s fine.”

“But —”

“Just do it, okay?”

Zuko’s frown deepens.

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Zuko sits up, and Mai slides off to the side. She feels suddenly close to tears, but she clamps down hard on her feelings, making sure her face is void of expression. Zuko catches sight of her face and his posture softens.

“Mai, I really like you.”

“But you don’t want to touch me,” she points out, her voice flat.

“I do want to,” Zuko says earnestly. “I think you’re smart and beautiful and you can totally kick my ass on the tennis court. You’re… important to me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t.”

“What if it was reversed? What if I told I you I wasn’t comfortable… going further?”

“I’m _not_ uncomfortable,” Mai lies. “I said I’m fine.”

Zuko lets out a noise of frustration.

“Well, maybe _fine_ isn’t good enough for me!” he says testily. “Maybe I want to be with someone who thinks it’s _great_.”

“Excuse me for not being enthusiastic enough for you,” Mai spits. 

“That’s not… Mai, please, give me a minute to think.”

She wants to leave, but something in his voice makes her stay. She focuses all her attention on watching the ripples in the pond, trying to calm the anxiety in her chest.

“Okay, here it is,” Zuko says resolvedly. “I like you. I like kissing you. I thought maybe you wanted to do more than kiss, but maybe I misread things.”

“You didn’t.”

Zuko looks doubtful again, but he presses on.

“Can we take things slow?”

“You’re a guy,” Mai points out. “You don’t want to take things slow.”

“That’s a pretty sexist assumption.”

“It’s true, isn’t it?”

“No, it’s not. Ugh!” Zuko groans, hiding his face in his hands. “Look, this is super embarrassing, but I haven’t exactly… done any of this stuff before.”

Mai’s blank expression gives way to surprise.

“Really?”

“I mean, look at me Mai. People aren’t exactly lining up to go out with me.” 

“That’s stupid,” Mai says hotly. “Anyone would be lucky to date you.”

“Well, you’re the only one that thinks that way, and I really don’t want to screw things up between us, okay? So if you’re happy with what we’re doing, then I’m happy. And honestly, I _am_ really happy, okay? I just… want to hang out with you. That’s all.”

Mai turns back to the pond, her mind racing.

“Okay,” she says finally. “But if you want to do more, I —”

“We’ll talk about it first,” Zuko says firmly. “I won’t try to surprise you like that.”

Mai gives a quiet groan.

“That means we’ll never do _anything_. We’re not exactly expert communicators.”

Zuko huffs a laugh.

“Practice makes perfect?” he suggests.

Mai drops her head against Zuko’s shoulder and he wraps an arm around her.

“Give me a week,” she says finally. “Then you can try it again.”

“Mai…”

“I mean it,” she says more firmly. “And I promise, I’ll tell you if I don’t want to.”

Zuko nods. The rest of the evening is spent quietly holding hands. For once, the silence isn’t awkward.

Something shifts again between them after that night. They maintain their usual habits, but there’s a strange easiness to it now. The pressure Mai had started to feel evaporates, and they can spend their evenings together in the same comfortable silence. There is more kissing, but it is unhurried. By the end of the week, she sighs happily when Zuko slides his hands up the front of her shirt.

Mai isn’t one to kiss and tell, despite Ty Lee’s pleading. Azula, who Mai knows would normally be right there with Ty Lee trying to wheedle out all the details, refuses to participate in any discussion involving Mai’s romantic activities with Zuko. Mai is especially relieved by this; she suspects that Azula would tease her for her prudishness. She knows for a fact that Azula doesn’t have much experience with boys — it wasn’t like they were able to meet any at the Royal Fire Academy for Girls — but that wouldn’t stop Azula for judging Mai. Ty Lee, on the other hand, would be unphased to hear Mai and Zuko were taking things slowly. In fact, Ty Lee would probably gush that it was very _romantic_ , but Mai still refused to share any details. What she had with Zuko felt precious and fragile. Mai didn’t want to hold it up for the inspection of others. This was one rare thing in her life where it didn’t matter what other people thought; it only mattered how Mai felt about it. It was strange to allow herself to have feelings, but it was not as unpleasant as she would have expected.

—

The weeks melt by in the Caldera City heat. Ozai reappears here and there for a few days, but most of the time Mai and her friends are left to their own devices. Although Mai and Zuko are still rather quiet around each other, she tries testing the waters every so often. She had always been raised under the idea of _”if you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.”_ This of course meant that Mai said very little in her day-to-day life. She allowed herself to complain in front of Azula and Ty Lee — they would never rat out her boorish behavior to her parents — but they usually ignored her dreary attitude.

Zuko, on the other hand, seemed to find it amusing.

“Orange is such an awful color,” she says dully as she and Zuko watch a rather magnificent sunset. Mai knows that a normal girl might comment instead on how pretty the sky looked, or how nice it felt to be leaning back against her boyfriend’s warm and inviting chest. She _does_ like these things, but they seem so obvious that they’re hardly worth commenting on.

Zuko angles his head to smile down at her. Mai’s heart leaps.

“You’re so beautiful when you hate the world.”

His tone should be teasing, but there’s a fondness to his expression that makes Mai feel rather giddy all of a sudden.

“I don’t hate you,” she replies, the closest she can come to admitting her true feelings.

“I don’t hate you, too,” Zuko whispers. He leans in to kiss her, and Mai presses eagerly against him.

The moment is ruined by Azula making a noise of disgust. Zuko shoots her a nasty look. They start bickering about something, but Mai tunes them out. Their arguments have been growing steadily worse as the summer progresses, and Mai can’t understand why Zuko won’t just stay out of Azula’s way. Everything was much easier when Azula was happy.

Azula turns and the setting light throws her face into sharp relief. It looks more angular than a month ago, and Mai’s insides squirm. Letting Azula do whatever she wanted without oversight was what had landed her in the hospital two months ago, so perhaps Zuko was right to push back.

Azula finally leaves, but the moment is ruined. While Mai had been ignoring them, Zuko and Azula had traded barbs about their father’s affections — or lack thereof. Zuko sulks all night, and Mai stalks off to spend time with Ty Lee. 

Ty Lee sets up a slack line between two trees just next to the tennis court where the floodlights can illuminate her practice space.

“Shouldn’t you try to cheer him up?” Ty Lee asks.

“He’ll be fine tomorrow,” Mai says in a bored tone. “He’ll get over it. It’s all this stupid stuff about his dad.”

“Not everyone is like you, Mai.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Zuko and Azula are both passionate people,” Ty Lee explains as she tip-toes along the slack line. “They’re not just going to move past something they really care about.”

“Is that what you think of me?” Mai says, a faint trace of hurt tinging her otherwise apathetic tone. “That I don’t care about anything?”

“No, I think you really _do_ care,” Ty Lee says, jumping down to face her. “More than you want anyone to believe, actually. But you’re good at hiding it, and Zuko isn’t. Thinking that he can just stuff down his feelings like you can isn’t going to work. That’s just not who he is. It would be cruel to ask him to hide himself.”

“So now I’m a bad girlfriend?”

“You’re not _listening_ to me,” Ty Lee pleads. “Don’t you see? Zuko just wants someone who accepts him. So does Azula. The problem is they both want their dad to be the one to do it, so they’re both trying to change themselves to make their dad happy. But if _you_ can show Zuko you accept him the way he is, I think that would be really good for him. He could stop chasing after his dad’s approval.”

“That won’t work,” Mai sighs. “I mean, I think we proved that with Azula. She knows we’re her friends and she still won’t listen to us.”

Ty Lee’s face falls.

“You’re right,” she says finally, a hint of tears in her eyes. “I’m just being stupid.”

“No,” Mai says fiercely. A sudden protectiveness steals over her and she grabs Ty Lee’s arms. “You’re not stupid, Ty Lee. You have faith in people. Which I might argue _is_ stupid sometimes, but it’s… nice, usually. There’s nothing wrong with seeing the best in people.”

Ty Lee’s face splits in a grin.

“Mai, that’s so _nice!_ You’re my _best friend_ in the whole world!”

Ty Lee springs at Mai and wraps her in a tight hug. Mai struggles briefly, but it only makes Ty Lee cling tighter. With a long-suffering sigh, Mai returns the hug.

“I’ll talk to Zuko tomorrow,” Mai says finally. “You’re right — I should be more supportive.”

“I think you _have_ been really supportive,” Ty Lee says quickly. “I just think Zuko might need more support than most people, y’know? His aura just gets _so_ murky sometimes, especially when stuff comes up about his dad.”

“Ty Lee,” Mai groans. “Auras _aren’t real_.”

Ty Lee just smiles and links arms with Mai. They return to the house for the evening.

The next morning, Mai steels herself for a discussion about Feelings. There are three feelings in particular that are squirming uncomfortably in her chest.

_Feeling One: Zuko, I’m sorry I haven’t been sensitive about the stuff with your dad. I want to know how you really feel. I’m listening_.

_Feeling Two: Zuko, remember how we talked about maybe doing more physically? I want to do that with you_.

_Feeling Three: Zuko, I love you_.

She ranks these feelings in order of how much they terrify her. Admitting she has not been particularly kind is easy, so she plans to say this one first. The second is riskier — she was incredibly nervous about trying anything new for fear that she would make a fool of herself. However, her desire was starting to override the fear, so even though this has been on her mind for a week, the prospect of saying this to Zuko felt feasible now.

The third feeling… well, Mai wasn’t planning on letting that secret out just yet.

She had wrestled with it for a while. Surely, she could not be in love. She was only seventeen and she and Zuko had only been together for a little more than two months. Besides, love made people stupid and giggly and very un-Mai-like. 

And yet… Mai had found herself humming along to Ty Lee’s pop music more than once in the past few weeks. She had several times thought about what a beautiful day it was, and had even smiled at a stranger with a cute dog on the street. When she was with Zuko, she felt a strange lightness, and they held hands at almost every possible moment. He made her laugh, and he made her feel beautiful. He teased her by reciting poetry to make her blush and she had _liked_ it. The only thing Mai could find fault in is that all the stupid clichés she had ever heard about love now suddenly make sense, and Mai despises clichés.

She goes to find Zuko, and is surprised to see that his bed is already made. She knows Zuko is an early riser, but he never makes his bed. There are several household staff who make all their beds for them, but it is unusual that this task is completed so early.

She feels too nervous to eat breakfast, so she continues her search for Zuko around the house. He’s not in any of the usual spots, and it is only after twenty minutes of searching that Mai realizes she has forgotten the most obvious place.

The morning is already warm with the heat of the late summer, and the gardens are a riot of color with all the blooming flowers. Mai’s steps are unhurried as she makes her way towards the pond. She even stops to smell a rose — _Agni_ , she was such a cliché! — before arriving at what she now thinks of as _their_ spot.

Zuko is nowhere to be found, but Mai spies something unusual: an envelope wedged against the base of the tree where Mai and Zuko spend their evenings. Her stomach sinks when she realizes her name is on the letter.

She unfurls the paper, her hands trembling slightly.

_Dear Mai,_

_I’m sorry you had to find out like this, but I’m leaving. I can’t stay here any more. You were right all along — I was so busy trying to be respected that I didn’t think about whose respect I was chasing. My father made it clear a long time ago what kind of man he was, and what kind of man he wants me to be. I thought that if I could be that person, I would finally make him happy, and that I would finally be happy myself. I was wrong._

_Mai, you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met. You deserve to be with someone who can make you happy. I’m sorry I can’t be the person you need me to be. I have to find out who I am without my father’s shadow hanging over me. I’m sorry._

_Zuko_

Mai doesn’t remember walking back to her room. It feels like she blinks and suddenly it’s dark outside, the whole day gone in a second. She dimly remembers Azula and Ty Lee trying to get her to join them for lunch and dinner, but she had refused. She had spent all day staring at the wall, trying to feel nothing.

Ty Lee had been right — Mai _did_ care more than she liked to let on. The pain she feels now is crushing, and her mind reels as she tries to catalogue it all.

She understands why Zuko had to leave. There is a small, very distant part of her that is pleased that he was turning away from his father’s expectations. Everything else, however, was deeply confusing. Why had he left _her_? She wasn’t his father. She wasn’t expecting Zuko to be like Ozai. She had loved him, and even though she had never actually _said_ it, hadn’t he known? Hadn’t he felt it, too?

_I guess not,_ she thinks grimly as she finally pulls herself up from her prone position. _He’s a jerk, and he’s gone now. Get over it_.

Without any further reflection, Mai seals shut the part of herself that had loved Zuko. It had been a stupid feeling, and she was never, ever going to feel that way again.


	5. Blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some dark themes in this one - fair warning!

When Mai, Ty Lee, and Azula arrive back at the Royal Fire Academy for Girls in the fall, the three of them are in bad shape, although none of them look it. 

Azula receives glowing compliments for her svelte frame, having returned to the weight that had initially landed her in the hospital. She takes to wearing a heart rate monitor — _for my fitness regime_ she explains — and although the beat holds steady, Mai and Ty Lee know that Azula is walking a razor’s edge. Ty Lee is particularly affected, and Mai often finds her weeping at the end of the day. Mai seems to be the rock of the group, but she finds that the world has become strangely muted. She pats Ty Lee on the back and she cries, but she doesn’t really feel anything as she does it. It’s the right thing to do, but she she just doesn’t care enough to actually sympathize with Ty Lee’s worries. She doesn’t really care about anything anymore.

The school year marches forward, and there is plenty of work to be done. Mai completes it automatically, without joy or frustration. She writes essays and equations and whatever her teachers want her to do. She is praised for her obedience and her dedication to her studies. Mai isn’t sure what else to dedicate herself to, and she has to pass the time somehow. She plays tennis on the school team, but even that has become rote. She shows up, runs through her drills, and demolishes her opponents all without feeling a single thing.

As it is their final year before university, Azula declares that the three of them need to gain “life experiences.” By this, she means they should sneak out and attend parties. It’s fairly easy to do; Azula tells the school the three of them are going to her home for the weekend, and she tells the household staff they’re staying at school. Instead, they spend all Saturday evening out at some rich kid’s house party, or yacht party, or some other dreadful social gathering that Mai hates.

“Come on, Mai,” Azula sighs in frustration. “Don’t be so uptight. I can’t believe you’re still hung up on my stupid brother.”

“I’m not hung up on anyone,” Mai says. 

It’s true: Mai has banished any and all thought of Zuko. If he ever crosses her mind, she pointedly starts reciting her mother’s ten basic rules of being a good hostess in her head. The list is so painfully boring that Mai’s attention will wander off, and all traces of Zuko will be gone.

Azula, however, doesn’t seem to believe Mai and she shoves her in the direction of a group of boys.

“Prove it,” Azula taunts.

This is how Mai ends up spending the evening talking with some unbelievably pompous idiots. If Mai _were_ hung up on Zuko — and she is _definitely_ not — this interaction would only make her even more enamored of her ex-boyfriend. She can’t stand to listen to these pretentious jerks brag about their wealth and connections.

Still, Azula gives Mai a hard time at the next party, so she figures her best option is to find the least offensive boy and make out with him. That way, he can’t talk and Mai can at least do something slightly fun.

It’s not like kissing Zuko at all. She kisses a dozen different boys during the semester. While most of them are passable kissers, there’s something missing. Mai hates to think the word _spark_ — it’s cheesy and cliché — but it’s the most accurate feeling. Kissing these boys is just as dull and dreary as math homework: something she _has_ to do rather than something she wants to do.

Strangely, Azula does not badger Ty Lee into kissing strangers like she does Mai. At first, Mai thinks it’s a punishment for Mai having dated Azula’s brother, but she notices that Azula likes to keep Ty Lee close at parties. There are plenty of boys that want to steal Ty Lee away — and Ty Lee looks eager to follow — but Azula frowns and tugs Ty Lee back to her side. Mai notices that Azula doesn’t bother kissing random boys for the “life experience” she claims she wants. Mai, however, is too smart to point this out. She doesn’t want to get screamed at by an irate Azula.

Mai and Ty Lee go home for the winter holidays, their only time apart during the entire year. Mai is as miserable in Omashu as she was in Caldera City, but her parents don’t seem to notice. They briefly congratulate her on her good grades — second in the class, behind Azula, of course — and proceed to ask her nothing about herself or her life. She endeavors to avoid her parents and spend as much time with Tom-Tom as possible. She can admit to herself that she resents her parents for the amount of affection they show her brother, but it’s not his fault he’s the favorite child. She can’t bring herself to hate a little kid for getting what she never had. She takes Tom-Tom to the park, and plays hide and seek in the house with him. The sound of his delighted laughter when she finds him is the first time in four months that she feels even remotely happy.

Mai dreads going back to school, but on her final night at home, her parents sit her down for a big talk about Her Future and her role in This Family. Mai packs her bags as quickly as possible and leaves for the airport three hours early.

Something strange has happened to Azula in Mai’s absence. She walks around with the same easy confidence as before, but she seems a bit jumpier now. Ty Lee notices it too, and she and Mai share a lot of silent conversations involving raised eyebrows behind Azula’s back.

At the next house party, Mai wanders away from yet another disappointing make-out session to find Ty Lee giggling in a corner, three boys vying for her attention. Mai frowns.

“Where’s Azula?” Mai asks.

“Oh!” Ty Lee looks surprised. “She went to the bathroom, I think. She’s been gone for a while, though. Do you think we should…?”

“I’ll check on her,” Mai says quickly. “Don’t worry about it.”

Mai checks all the bathrooms on the ground floor — really, these houses were way too big — but there is no sign of Azula. She continues her search upstairs, opening doors and disturbing a few couples who had been looking for privacy. She is about to give up when she comes upon one last door. She throws it open and freezes in shock.

Azula is hunched over the bathroom counter, a small compact mirror set out on top. A thin line of white power bisects it perfectly, reflecting Azula’s honeyed eyes as they widen in surprise.

“Azula, what the _fuck_.”

Azula straightens, composing herself instantly.

“Chill out, Mai.”

“That better not be what I think it is,” Mai hisses.

“ _Agni_ , you’re such a wet blanket.”

“Seriously?” Mai can hear a slightly hysterical edge to her voice. “How could you do this, Azula?”

“I’m just having some _fun_ , Mai. Ever heard of it?”

“Where’s the rest of it?”

“What?”

“The rest of it,” Mai demands. “Where did you get it?”

“Mai, you’re being ridic—“

Mai’s hand darts out and grabs the mirror, swiping it towards the sink. She turns the faucet on and water washes the mirror clean.

“Are you done?” Azula says icily.

“No.”

Azula might be the fastest runner in all of Caldera City, but Mai’s reflexes are lightning-fast. She seizes Azula and swings her around, hands in and out of Azula’s jacket pockets before she can react. Mai opens her fist to show Azula the small bag of white powder she has confiscated.

“Azula, this isn’t a joke,” Mai says angrily, waving the bag in her face. “You can’t use this shit; it’ll give you a heart attack.”

“I’m eighteen,” Azula says breezily, although her eyes flash with rage. “Hardly a high risk —“

“You’re fucking anorexic!” Mai shouts. She’s not one to swear often, but she can’t remember ever being so angry. “You’re heart is already compromised from the fact that you literally don’t eat."

Azula’s eyes narrow, and Mai’s stomach sinks. She knows that look. Azula has somehow regained the upper hand, although Mai can’t see how yet.

“Interesting you think you know so much about hearts, Mai,” Azula says in a falsely sweet tone. “Most people think you don’t have one. Although there’s one person who would disagree with that. _Zuzu_ probably thinks you have a heart. He didn’t mind breaking it though, did he?”

“We’re not talking about Zuko,” Mai says through gritted teeth. “We’re talking about you.”

“Well, Zuko _was_ supposed to keep an eye on me,” Azula continues. “And he abandoned me… and look what’s happened! I’ve fallen on hard times, Mai.”

“This isn’t Zuko’s fault,” Mai says nervously. “He has nothing to do with this.”

“That’s not how my father will see it.” Azula’s voice is suddenly very cold. “Father told Zuko to keep an eye on me. One call to my father is all it will take. Zuko will be the one to —“

Mai moves before Azula can finish her sentence. She knows it’s not exactly the best for the environment to be flushing plastic bags down a toilet, but it’s her only option.

Azula lets out a shout of fury.

“You fucking _bitch_!” she screams, eyes bulging slightly. “Why would you—“

“You’re not going to hurt Zuko,” Mai interrupts firmly.

“You,” Azula hisses, pointing a finger in Mai’s face. She exudes a manic energy that makes Mai wish that she was not blocking the doorway; there’s no escape now. 

“This is why people _hate_ you, you know?” Azula begins. “I’ve only acted like your friend all these years because our parents made us. You’re _boring_. No, that’s probably a compliment to someone like you, calling you boring. You’re worse than that — you’re a _coward_. Defending Zuko now when you probably never even told him how you felt… you probably never even _did_ anything with him either, did you? Practically alone in a huge house and all you ever did was _hold hands_. That’s what you are: a frigid, stuck-up, _coward_.”

Azula looms closer and Mai can see that the whites of her eyes have gone bloodshot.

“You’re right though. Hurting Zuko at this point might not be worth the trouble. You, on the other hand… well, you’re the one who just had a bag of coke in her hands.” Azula whips her phone out of her back pocket. “I can tell the headmistress that you lured me out here, that you wanted me to do _drugs_ with you, that you’re the one who —“

_CRACK_.

Azula and Mai stare, frozen in surprise as Azula’s phone smacks hard into the floor. Ty Lee’s dainty foot smashes it down. Neither of them had heard her enter the bathroom.

“What are you _doing_?” Azula shouts.

Ty Lee trembles slightly, but the look on her face is defiant. 

“Stop it, Azula! This isn’t right.”

“You just broke —“

“I don’t _care_ ,” Ty Lee says vehemently. “You need to _stop_ Azula. Stop blaming your problems on us, on your brother. We’re your friends. We want to _help_ you.”

Azula glares for a moment before throwing back her head.

“You’re not my friends,” she says coldly. “And I never want to speak to you again. Get out.”

“This isn’t your house,” Mai points out. “You can’t just —“

“It’s fine,” Ty Lee says quickly. “Mai, I want to go back to school.”

Mai is torn. Part of her wants to stay and punch Azula in her smug face, but Mai takes one look at Ty Lee’s slowly crumbling facade and she sweeps past Azula into the hall. The two of them race back to school. There are a few questions asked about why they are returning so late on a Saturday when they are supposed to be at the Sozin estate, but Mai quickly explains there had been an argument between the three of them. These sorts of things happened at an all-girls boarding school all the time.

Mai half-expects Azula to show up Monday morning and pretend that nothing has happened. That was, after all, how most of their disagreements usually went. Surprisingly, Azula says nothing to Mai or Ty Lee the entire day. A week passes, and still, a stony silence remains. Mai is wary that Azula might be plotting some sort of revenge, but Ty Lee just shakes her head.

“We’ve done everything we can,” she says sadly. “All we can do now is hope that Azula sees the error of her ways.”

Mai turns to Ty Lee, stunned.

“I didn’t say I’m happy about it,” Ty Lee says, interpreting Mai’s look. “Or that I don’t want to be her friend anymore. I know it’s stupid, but I _do_ miss her. But I miss the old Azula, and it’s clear now that she needs to be the one who decides to change her ways. I wrote her a note, actually,” Ty Lee adds. “I told her we loved her and supported her and we would be here when she was ready.”

“What did she say?” Mai asks, curious.

“She laughed at me,” Ty Lee sighs. “But she heard me, and that’s the best we can hope for right now.”

Mai and Ty Lee do their best to keep their heads down, but it’s difficult. Azula is vindictive, and the loss of her two closest friends has created a power vacuum. Other girls vie for Azula’s attention, mostly because everyone wants a chance to visit the lavish Sozin Estate. To Mai’s knowledge, Azula never actually takes anyone there, but she lets her new lackeys hang around her and glare daggers at Mai and Ty Lee wherever they go.

Now that they are no longer friends, Mai realizes just how much her life had revolved around pleasing Azula. It’s a nasty shock, actually. Mai had thought she had left behind her ingrained acquiescence to authority by fleeing her parents, but she sees now that she had just replaced one power figure with another. In Azula’s absence, Mai can now do as she pleases. Of course, Mai still doesn’t really want to do _anything_ , but she stops second-guessing herself. She starts doing the extra-credit assignments for school, mostly out of boredom, and for the first time, she is the first in the class. Azula seems furious about this, and her new lackeys keep trying to trip Mai in the halls. Fortunately, Ty Lee chooses to act as a personal bodyguard and kicks them in the shins with a bright, shiny smile on her face.

Mai returns the favor a month later when Ty Lee is spotted kissing another girl in the year below them. Rumors spread like wildfire, and Azula’s lackeys find ways to slip Ty Lee all sorts of mean notes. Mai distracts Ty Lee each morning as they eat breakfast while she subtly checks through Ty Lee’s backpack to see if any notes have been slipped inside.

“I know what you’re doing, Mai,” Ty Lee says finally.

“You shouldn’t have to read this crap,” Mai argues, pulling one of the cruel notes out of Ty Lee’s hands.

“I don’t mind, really,” Ty Lee says with a shrug. “In fact…”

Ty Lee springs up and stands on the table. Several students stare in shock.

“Good morning, everyone!” Ty Lee says in a chipper tone. “I have an announcement to make!”

“Young lady!” A teacher blusters over, looking scandalized. “Come down at once.”

Ty Lee ignores her and gives a cheery little wave to make sure she has everyone’s attention.

“I know there are a lot of rumors going around that I’m a lesbian.” 

The teacher makes clucking noise and tries to reach for Ty Lee, but Mai stands up with her breakfast tray. The teacher tries to dodge right, and Mai follows, blocking her in a dance.

“I’m not a lesbian,” Ty Lee continues happily. “I’m bisexual. Thanks for your attention everyone. Have a great Tuesday!”

She hops down and smiles brightly at the teacher, who looks too startled to say anything. Mai sweeps Ty Lee out of the dining hall before they can get detention.

Some of the mean notes continue, but they seem half-hearted, and they stop all together when Ty Lee uses them to make a rather beautiful collage for art class. Several younger students confide to Ty Lee that her breakfast declaration had brought them their own realizations about their sexuality.

“Congratulations on becoming a bisexual icon,” Mai jokes after yet another student had come up to Ty Lee, gushing about how she had inspired them.

“Thanks!” Ty Lee chirps. “It’s funny, I thought Azula would say something about it.”

“She hasn’t spoken to us in weeks,” Mai points out.

“I know,” Ty Lee says, her smile fading a bit. “I just hoped… well, it doesn’t matter. We just have to be patient.”

Mai starts to worry that patience might not be the right strategy. Mai had easily displaced Azula at the top of the class, but Azula’s grades seemed to be slowly declining lower each week. Mai had heard that Azula had quit the track team to focus on her own fitness with private trainers. There were even rumblings that she might be ousted as student body president. Apparently, she had missed a few meetings, and when she had attended, she had been so irritable that nothing productive had gotten done at all.

They are given a week off in the spring, and Mai and Ty Lee join Azula on a very tense car ride to Sozin Estate. Neither of them had confided in their parents about the falling out, so Ty Lee and Mai were stuck with the usual schedule of spending the holidays with Azula. The second they arrive, Azula disappears into the house, while Ty Lee and Mai hole up in their shared room.

Mai isn’t exactly thrilled to be back at Sozin Estate, and not just because of the rift with Azula. She tries to play tennis to distract herself, but she keeps picturing Zuko’s smiling face across from her. She smashes the balls more forcefully than needed, her deadly aim striking exactly where she imagines Zuko’s stupid face would be. She avoids the pond entirely; nothing good can come of returning there.

Mai meets Ty Lee, who had spent the afternoon practicing backbends in the grass, for dinner in the dining room. A third plate is set out for Azula, but she never comes down to join them. Mai sighs.

“I’ll bring it to her,” she says, getting up abruptly.

“Should I —“

“I’ll be right back,” Mai says. If Azula is going to yell, Mai would rather it just be her who gets yelled at. She doesn’t feel up to consoling a weepy Ty Lee.

Mai knocks on Azula’s bedroom door to no response.

“I’m coming in,” Mai warns. “You’ve got to eat something.”

Silence.

Mai pushes on the door, but it is locked. Mai sets the plate on the floor and pulls a hairpin out of one of her buns. She had taken up lock-picking at the tender age of ten when Azula had wanted to sneak around school to cause mayhem. Mai had to admit, it had been rather fun at the time.

The lock releases with a click, and Mai pushes open the door. A scream rises and dies in her throat.

Azula is slumped over her desk, a puddle of vomit pooled around her mouth. There are some traces of powder on the desk and on the tip of Azula’s nose. Mai stays frozen for what feels like an eternity — _this can’t be happening, this is a bad dream, this can’t be real_ — before she hears footsteps on the stairs.

“Mai? Do you need help?”

Mai whirls around. Ty Lee is walking up the hall towards her. Mai springs into Azula’s room and pulls the door almost shut so only her head pokes out.

“Ty Lee,” she says hurriedly. “You need to call an ambulance right now.”

Ty Lee’s turns ghostly white.

“What?” she gasps. “What… Is Azula— ?”

She goes to grab the doorknob, but Mai holds it tight. The door doesn’t budge.

“Ambulance. Now.”

“I need to see —“

“No,” Mai insists firmly. “You don’t want to see this. Call an ambulance, and tell them it’s a possible drug overdose. You need to call _right now_. Use the house phone and go out front to guide them. This house is a maze.”

Ty Lee hesitates for a moment.

“ _Now_ , Ty Lee!”

Ty Lee turns and flees down the hallway. Mai knows there are household staff still around who could direct the paramedics, but Mai hopes that Ty Lee is the one to do it. The image of Azula lying in her own sick is an image too horrible for anyone else to see.

Mai turns quickly and rushes to Azula’s side. With shaking hands, she reaches out for Azula’s wrist to feel a pulse. Mai lets out a half-sob of relief. Azula’s heartbeat is racing like a hummingbird, but it’s there. Mai can see up close that Azula is laboring to breathe, but her chest is still rising and falling.

Mai is no expert, but they had had to take CPR a few years prior in school and she remembers being told of the risk of asphyxiation after vomiting. She takes a steadying breath.

“You can never accuse me of being a bad friend after this,” she says to Azula’s unconscious form.

Mai grabs a loose shirt off of Azula’s floor and wipes the vomit at the edge of her mouth. Suppressing the urge to gag, she reaches a finger wrapped in the shirt inside Azula’s mouth to scoop out any remaining vomit. The phrase ‘aspiration asphyxiation’ repeats in her head like a mantra; she is not going to let Azula die choking to death.

Once she is sure that she has done the limited amount that she can, Mai takes out her phone. She is still afraid Azula might die, but she has confidence that if the paramedics arrive in time, Azula will recover. Mai knows that it is more than likely that Azula will walk away from this like she had last summer, proclaiming everyone else was just over-reacting.

_Not this time,_ Mai thinks as she snaps a picture. _This time, you have to see what you’ve done._

It feels like hours, but only a few minutes pass before Mai can hear sirens out front. Footsteps thunder up the stairs and down the hallway. Mai, who had been quietly holding Azula’s hand while she waited, rises and greets them at the door. Ty Lee is front and center, and Mai slips out into the hall and drags her away from the door as the medics pour inside. Ty Lee strains to see, but her view is blocked.

“You don’t have to protect me!” Ty Lee says angrily, stomping her foot.

Mai feels her lip tremble. She tries to fight it, but it only gets worse. Her eyes sting, and Ty Lee goes blurry.

“Oh, _Mai_ ,” Ty Lee cries, throwing her arms around her.

Mai can’t help it. She sobs, shoulders heaving as she cries. Ty Lee hugs her so tightly, she feels a little dizzy.

The medics start to move, and Mai stops crying abruptly. Ty Lee grasps her hand in a tight grip.

“We need to take her in,” the medic closest to them says. “We should alert her legal guardian.”

“She’s eighteen,” Mai says, relieved that her voice is steady. “But we’ll call her dad,” she adds to the medic’s concerned look. “And Ping has medical authorization, but she is off tonight. I’ll call her too.”

“Can we go with her?” Ty Lee asks, peering around the medic to try to see Azula. “I don’t want her to be alone.”

“One of you can ride along in the back,” the medic says, looking at them sympathetically.

“You go,” Mai says quickly. “I’ll take care of everything.”

“Mai —“

“She needs you more than me right now,” Mai says. “Go.”

They both watch as Azula’s prone form is rolled out on a stretcher. An oxygen mask is fitted over her mouth and nose. Mai expects Ty Lee to cry at the sight, but instead Ty Lee looks resolved. For a moment, Mai is flooded with pride at the bravery of her friend. She nods at Ty Lee, who follows along.

The head medic asks Mai a few questions, radioing down to his crew as they wait with Azula at the ambulance. They finally take off, Ty Lee promising to send Mai updates as soon as she can. 

Most of the servants have gone home for the evenings, but the cook, Tran, stays to clean up their uneaten dinners and helps Mai clean up the vomit afterwards. He offers to give Mai a ride to the hospital, but she waves him off. 

Once she is alone in the house, she lets out the loudest and longest scream she has ever had in her life. Then, she gets to work.


	6. Impulse

Mai arrives at the hospital with her hair still damp. She had taken two showers: the first to get rid of the flecks of Azula’s vomit on her hands, and the second because she still felt dirty. She had walked three miles to the hospital to clear her head, but she still feels dazed as she walks through the front doors.

Ty Lee is waiting outside of Azula’s room when Mai arrives. She hugs Mai tightly and pulls away to scrutinize her.

“Your aura is very weak,” Ty Lee says, and for once Mai doesn’t argue with her. “But it’s the shock, I think. The paramedics say Azula is going to be fine.”

Mai’s shoulders sag in relief.

“They’re running a drug panel,” Ty Lee explains as she guides Mai into a chair.

“Why?” Mai asks. “It was cocaine, wasn’t it?”

“They weren’t sure. It could have been laced with something. I mean, we have no idea where she got it. Who knows what it was, really.”

Mai leans forward and buries her face in her hands.

“She was lucky you found her,” Ty Lee says quietly. “If you hadn’t gone up to check on her…”

“Don’t,” Mai says harshly.

They fall silent, listening to the hustle and bustle of the hospital around them.

“Did you call Azula’s dad?” Ty Lee asks in a quiet voice. “Ping got here before you did, but I wasn’t sure if…”

“Ozai isn’t coming.”

Ty Lee stares at Mai, flabbergasted.

“He’s not… he’s not coming?”

“No.”

“But Azula could have died!”

Mai lets out a cold, mirthless laugh.

“He doesn’t care. He _never_ cared.”

“Maybe he doesn’t realize how serious —“

“No,” Mai interjects. “He knows. Trust me.”

Ty Lee seems to shrink in on herself.

“What do we do now?”

“Wait, I guess.”

An hour slips by, and then another. Ping makes a brief appearance to sign some forms, but she has her own family and it’s getting late. She tries to cajole the girls into going back to Sozin Estate, but they both refuse.

Mai spends the worst night of her life in the waiting room, taking it in turns with Ty Lee to rest on one another’s shoulders. It’s six in the morning when Mai’s phone buzzes, and she bolts upright.

_Calling: Parents_

Mai’s stomach flips. She’s not sure what this is about, but it can’t be good.

“You should answer,” Ty Lee says sleepily from her shoulder. “Get it over with.”

Mai hesitates and a buzzing can be heard from Ty Lee’s purse. Ty Lee pulls out her phone and grimaces.

“Looks like our moms just finished talking to each other.”

“On the count of three?”

“One,” they count in unison, fingers poised to answer the calls. “Two, three.”

Mai lifts the phone to her ear. 

“Hello, mother.”

“Mai Takeda,” her mother says sternly. “I have just been speaking to Ty Lee Hagiwara’s mother and I have heard some disturbing news.”

Mai says nothing. She knows better than to speak when she hasn’t been asked a question.

“It has come to our attention,” Mai’s mother continues, “that Azula Sozin is involved with _drugs_.”

Mai stays quiet. She glances over at Ty Lee, who appears to be pleading with her own mother.

“You will come home at once,” Mai’s mother says. “I have booked a plane ticket for you. It leaves in an hour. You should go straight to the airport.”

“I can’t leave,” Mai says, trying to remain calm. “Azula is in the hospital. She needs —“

“What she _needs_ ,” her mother says icily, “is care from the competent professionals at the hospital. Her father will sort all this out.”

“Her father doesn’t give a damn.”

“Mai Takeda, I did not raise you to use such language! You will be on that plane in an hour — I have already emailed you the ticket.”

“Why do I have to come home?” Mai asks.

“The Sozin family needs _privacy_ ,” her mother replies delicately. “Take a cab straight to the airport at once.”

“I need to get my things.”

“You have things here.”

Mai knows for a fact that the only clothing she has left in Omashu is her winter coat and some formal dresses that she last wore when she was twelve. Still, it’s not worth arguing with her mother. It’s easiest just to give in, and Mai is so, so tired.

“Okay.”

She hangs up and turns to Ty Lee, who looks as exhausted as Mai.

“My sister is coming to pick me up,” she says wearily.

“Which one?”

“Does it matter? They’ll argue over who has to go get me all day. I bet no one will even show up until tomorrow afternoon.”

Mai says nothing. Ty Lee’s family lived a three hour drive outside of Caldera City. Ty Lee got along a little better with her family than Mai did, but that wasn’t saying very much.

“My mom is making me fly home,” Mai says finally. “I don’t want to go, but…”

“You should,” Ty Lee says resignedly. “At least for tonight so they know you’re okay.”

“They don’t care if I’m okay,” Mai frowns. “They just don’t want me associated with this mess.”

“Hmm.” Ty Lee ponders this for a moment. “Look, I’ll be here all day, and I’ll text you the minute Azula wakes up. You can go see your family — it’s only an hour and a half flight — and come back tomorrow.”

“They won’t want me to come back.”

“Then it’s a good thing you’re eighteen now and you’ve got a credit card,” Ty Lee says, perking up in her seat. “Go withdraw some money right now so you can pay for a flight in cash if you need.”

Mai stares at her for a moment, and then nods. Ty Lee gives her a tight hug as she stands to leave.

“If anything goes wrong, just text me. I’ll come bust you out myself if I have to.”

“Thanks, Ty Lee,” Mai says, and for once, she returns the hug as fiercely as she can.

It feels a bit like a dream, getting on a plane at seven in the morning with nothing but her purse. She does nothing on the plane. She just stares out the window and thinks of all the possible things she could say to her parents.

In the end, she says nothing. No one comes to pick her up.

Mai tries calling her mother, but it goes straight to voicemail. She receives a text back.

_Mother: Have you arrived?_

_Mai: Yes. Where are you?_

_Mother: We have an important play-date scheduled for Tom-Tom with the Watanabe family. Take a cab to the house — we will return this evening for dinner._

Mai stares at her phone, unseeing. She had just found one of her closest friends almost dead of a drug overdose and her parents couldn’t even be bothered to come pick her up from the airport? 

Mai’s exhaustion makes it difficult to squash down her emotions. She can feel anger and pain and confusion rattling around in her chest, begging to be set loose. She knows she’s legally an adult now, but she’s never felt in more need of guidance. Weren’t there _any_ adults in her life who would just _listen_ to her for once? 

Mai walks slowly outside of the airport, feeling like she is moving through molasses. She spots the taxi stand and, further down, a sign for the railway station attached to the airport.

It’s time for her once-a-year-impulse decision.

Mai texts Ty Lee a quick message — _I’m safe, but I’m not going home. I’ll text you later_ — before downloading a map that she scribbles onto a scrap of paper in her purse. She shuts off her phone and crams it back into her bag. She takes the sizable amount of cash stuffed in her purse and peels off a few bills to buy a train ticket. She boards, finds a comfortable window seat, and falls asleep.

The bullet train to Ba Sing Se isn’t cheap, but in less than two hours, she is blearily rubbing her eyes as she alights from the train. She pulls out her terrible map and wanders towards the center of town. She has to ask for directions once, but it’s hardly noon when she arrives at her destination.

_The Jasmine Dragon_.

For a moment, she reconsiders her impulsiveness. This was a stupendously stupid thing to do. If she got back to the train station now, she could be back home before dinner with her parents none the wiser. Her stomach, however, lets out an audible sound of protest. She hasn’t eaten anything in almost a full day now, and her exhaustion isn’t just from lack of sleep. The aroma of the tea shop calls to her like a siren. She steps inside.

She fully intends to just get some tea and get out, but the plan goes sideways almost immediately when a cheerful server asks her what she wants.

“Tea,” she says blankly.

“We serve over fifty different kinds of tea,” the server says jovially. “Perhaps I might interest you in our newest addition…”

“Whatever tea is fine,” she says. “And food, if you have some.”

The server gives her an evaluating look. Mai feels guilty; she should be nicer to this poor server just trying to do their job, but she doesn’t want anyone’s pity either.

“One moment,” the server says politely.

Mai thinks this means she has successfully ordered, but to her horror, the server returns with a short, squat man with a kind smile. Mai has not seen him since she was a small child, but she recognizes him instantly: Iroh Sozin. He looks much more at ease in an apron than she would have expected.

Iroh bows to her and says, “I believe you might like some tea today. Choosing an appropriate tea can be very tricky. If I might offer —“

Iroh trails off, finally getting a good look at her face. Mai tries not to scowl.

“Excuse us, would you Shinji?” Iroh says to the server. The server looks puzzled, but gives a little bow and walks away.

“Forgive me if I am mistaken,” Iroh continues, “but you are Mai Takeda, are you not?”

“Yes,” Mai says dully.

“My nephew has told me about you,” Iroh says slowly. “Are you here to see him?”

“No. He doesn’t know I’m here.”

“Hmm,” Iroh frowns. “Perhaps you are here about my niece, Azula?”

Mai nods tightly. Her whole body feels stiff with tension.

“Please wait here,” Iroh says firmly. “I will return shortly.”

This is Mai’s opportunity to flee, and yet she can’t bring herself to leave. She keeps thinking about what Iroh had just said: _my nephew has told me about you_. What had Zuko told him? Did he regret leaving her behind? Was he happy to be rid of her? And what was Zuko up to anyway? Before he had arrived at Sozin Estate the summer before, he had been living with his uncle. Did he still live with his uncle? Would he come here?

_Shut up!_ Mai scolds herself. _Don’t think about Zuko_.

While the debate rages in her head, her window to escape closes. Iroh returns with a steaming teapot and two cups.

“White tea,” he explains. “A very delicate flavor. Easy to over-steep and turn bitter. It must be treated with respect and attention.”

Mai cannot help but think this is a veiled metaphor and is slightly annoyed. She came here because Zuko had always quietly praised his uncle’s sound advice, even if he had rarely taken it. Mai can see why now; if all of Iroh’s advice was delivered in riddles, she would get fed up, too.

Iroh seems to sense that Mai is in no mood, and he quietly pours her tea.

“Please,” he says, waiting for Mai to take the first sip.

It is delicious, and the warmth of the cup in her hands does help her feel a bit more at ease. She stares down at the table, avoiding Iroh’s eyes.

“Thank you for the tea,” she says quietly. “I am sorry to have disturbed you.”

“Nonsense,” Iroh says breezily. “It is an honor to meet you in person.”

Mai looks up and sees that Iroh is smiling at her. He continues.

“My nephew is a very… complicated young man,” he explains. “He had a very difficult childhood in many ways, as I am sure you know. It was always difficult for him to trust others, to make friends. But I believe you helped him last summer, and he is much happier now.”

Mai’s eyes drop back to the table again.

“I didn’t do anything,” Mai says dully. “If he didn’t tell you, he broke up with me in a letter.”

“One of many poor decisions my nephew has made,” Iroh says. 

Mai is surprised at Iroh’s disapproving tone, and she opens her mouth to defend Zuko.

“However,” Iroh says quickly, “I know he regrets how he treated you, especially as you were so important in him changing his ways.”

“I was?”

“Oh, yes,” Iroh says happily. “My nephew can be quite shy, and he did not tell me for a long time that you had been his girlfriend. But when he did, he also told me that you had made him question why he was chasing after his father’s respect.”

“He said I sounded like you,” Mai admits. “If anything, you were the one who helped him.”

“Perhaps,” Iroh says, still smiling. “Either way, I must thank you. Anyone who has been kind to my nephew deserves my gratitude.”

Silence falls as they both sip their tea. Mai isn’t sure how to proceed, but Iroh speaks again.

“You said you were here on behalf of my niece, Azula.” Iroh’s voice is more serious now, and his smile fades. “I know she was unwell last summer. Zuko has not been in much contact with his sister, so I am afraid I do not know if —“

“She overdosed last night and almost died,” Mai blurts. She knows it’s rude to talk over Iroh, but she feels like she’s about to explode. “I called Ozai. He said he won’t come back from his trip to help her. And even when he _does_ come back, he won’t want her to go to rehab… it’ll be a bad mark on the family name. My parents made me come back home, but I know they’ll just do whatever Ozai wants, and I’ve got to do _something_ to help her. We’re not exactly friends anymore, but even Azula deserves help.”

Iroh blinks at her, looking a bit stunned by this outburst. He appears to be thinking slowly about each word individually, turning it over in his mind. It takes ages, but finally Iroh nods.

“You are very brave to have come here,” he says quietly. “And I know you have suffered to watch my niece go through this.”

Something in Mai cracks. Tears sting her eyes, and she lowers them. No one, she realizes, has ever acknowledged that she had a reason to be upset.

“This has gone much too far,” Iroh says sadly. “I intervened on Zuko’s behalf when he was young, but, to my shame, I did not help Azula. I did not think she needed it, not in the way Zuko did. I was wrong. It is time for me to take action.”

Mai stares at him, shocked.

“Really?”

“Yes,” Iroh says kindly. “Although I will need your help, if you are willing.”

“I am.”

“Good,” Iroh says, nodding. “Now, you seem to have suffered quite a shock. White tea will not be enough to sustain you for long. You must rest — we will return to Caldera City tomorrow morning. I will make arrangements.”

“I—“

“Please,” Iroh interrupts gently. “I have sat out too long. You do not need to worry. Come, you can stay upstairs in Zuko’s old room.”

“Old room?”

“Yes.” Iroh’s smile has returned to full force. “Zuko now lives with his friends.”

“Zuko has friends?”

“It was a pleasant surprise for me, too,” Iroh admits with a wink. “I did tell you that he has changed his ways. I do miss having him with me, but he usually comes for Sunday dinner.”

Mai is too tired to remember that _today_ is Sunday, and as soon as Iroh leaves her alone in Zuko’s room, she flops down onto the bed and falls asleep.

She wakes up disoriented a few hours later. The quiet makes her think the tea shop is closed, but she can hear two voices nearby. Two very familiar voices…

She bolts upright and makes for the door. She swings it open and and crashes directly into the person she feels least prepared to face.

“Oof,” Zuko says, wincing. “You stepped on my foot.”

Mai has never been so mortified in her life. As relieved as she is that Iroh had promised to help Azula, Mai curses herself for coming here. She had spent _months_ trying not to think about Zuko, and now she was in his arms and _blushing_ for Agni’s sake.

Mai springs backwards, muttering an apology for Zuko’s foot. She tries and fails to not think about how dashing he looks now that his hair is a little longer.

“Uncle made dinner,” Zuko says quietly. “You should come eat.”

Mai wants to refuse, but propriety forces her to accept the invitation. She follows Zuko silently down the hall, trying to compose herself.

Fortunately, Iroh seems to be well-versed in holding conversations with recalcitrant young people. Mai doesn’t say much, but Iroh keeps the discussion going with anecdotes about the customers in the tea shop. Zuko is quiet, too, but he answers his uncle’s questions about his schoolwork. He seems fairly at ease in this small, cozy kitchen.

“I have purchased us tickets back to Caldera City tomorrow,” Iroh says at the end of the meal. “Our flight is quite early, so I suggest we all get some rest. I will wake you so that we will leave on time.”

Mai and Zuko badger Iroh into letting them do the dishes, which they clean in silence. To their shared dismay, Iroh sets up an air mattress in Zuko’s room so the two of them can share the space.

“I can just drag it out to the living room and sleep there,” Zuko mumbles.

“I’ll sleep on it,” Mai says quickly. “I’m the one who showed up without notice.”

“You already slept in the bed,” Zuko points out. “You should take it.”

“I don’t need your pity.”

“I’m not offering it,” Zuko snaps. “I’m just… I’m trying to do the right thing, okay?”

“ _Pity_ ,” Mai repeats with a glower, but she sinks onto the bed anyway.

The silence in the room is deafening. Both of them remain in their clothes, each lying back on their own beds.

“So,” Zuko says finally. “How have you been?”

“How have I _been_?” Mai repeats, incredulous. “Well, let’s see. The last time I saw you, you were about to rip my heart out in a _letter_. Then, your sister started doing coke and called me a frigid, cowardly, bitch for trying to stop her. And _then_ she overdosed and _I_ had to clean up her vomit while she was rushed to the hospital. Now, I’ve made the incredibly stupid decision to come to my _ex-boyfriend’s apartment_ and I’m lying in his bed, regretting the fact that I was ever even born. How does that sound?”

Zuko winces.

“It was a stupid question,” he admits.

Mai says nothing. She glares at the ceiling, wishing Zuko would just go to sleep.

“I’m sorry about the letter,” he says softly.

“You should be.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Oh, well _that_ makes everything better,” Mai scoffs.

“I had to leave,” Zuko says forcefully, sitting up to face her. “Being there… being under my father’s thumb…”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it,” Mai says dismissively.

“No,” Zuko frowns. “I don’t think you do.”

“Look, I’m not mad you left, okay?” Mai sits up, turning towards Zuko. He looks surprised as she continues. “You’re right — you had to leave. I just don’t understand why you had to leave _me_. I would have understood.”

Zuko glances down. He rubs at his scar distractedly.

“I meant what I said in the letter,” he says slowly. “You deserve better than me.”

“No, I deserve to be _treated_ better than you treated me,” she corrects. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Zuko.”

“A lot of people would disagree with you on that.”

“Ugh, why do you care so much what other people think? Everyone else is garbage.”

To her surprise, Zuko laughs. 

“You know, nobody hates the world quite as much as you do,” he says with a slight grin.

“Most people would think that’s a bad thing,” she points out.

“Ah, but someone very wise once told me not to care what most people think. Most people are garbage.”

Mai flops back onto the bed. _He broke your heart_ , she tries to remind herself. Her heart, however, seems to be in perfect condition and races foolishly at Zuko’s words.

“Why did Azula call you a coward?” Zuko asks suddenly. “You’re not.”

“She called me a _frigid_ coward,” Mai corrects grimly.

“You’re not that either.”

“Aren’t I?”

Zuko eyes bore into Mai’s. She has to look away; it feels like staring into the sun.

“No,” Zuko says softly. “People might say you’re cold, but they don’t know you. I always felt like… like you really liked me. And I didn’t even like _myself_ , so that’s saying a lot.”

Mai’s heart lurches harder than ever. Thinking of no way to get out of this awkward corner, Mai tries to flip the tables.

“How have _you_ been?” she asks.

Zuko considers her for a moment before answering.

“Let’s see,” he echoes. “The last time I saw you, I was about to confront my father for being an abusive fuck.”

Mai turns and stares at Zuko, wide-eyed. He grimaces.

“It went about as well as you’d expect,” he sighs. “He told me to get out, which I was planning on doing anyway. I had already written you the letter. I thought about trying to get Azula out too, but… to be honest, I was worried she was just going to try to suck me back in.”

“She would have,” Mai agrees. “She was trying to set you up so the next time she got in trouble, she could blame it on you.”

“Yeah, I figured as much. Took me a while, but I finally got there in the end. Anyway, I came back here and things went back to normal.”

“Your uncle said you had friends now,” Mai says tentatively. “What are they like?”

Mai knows as well as anyone that someone you call a friend could hurt you just as much as an enemy.

“I made friends with Aang first,” Zuko says, oblivious to Mai’s line of thinking. “It’s weird — we’re opposites in a lot of ways. He’s the most positive person in the world. We actually really didn’t get along at first. Well, I was the one with a problem. I thought he was trying to show me up in class, but it turns out he’s just really smart and really enthusiastic. A few weeks ago, I told him a bit about my dad, actually. He was… he was really cool about it. Really listened, you know?”

Mai’s heart twists.

“That sounds nice.”

“It is. And then I made friends with Sokka. He’s an engineer, but he seems like a total jock. He also likes poetry and art and stuff. Girls are always falling all over him because he’s good-looking, but he’s way smarter than anyone gives him credit for.”

“Sounds like a guy version of Ty Lee,” Mai admits.

Zuko snorts.

“I can see that,” he agrees. “I moved in with Aang and Sokka after winter break. It’s nice — everyone else can come hang out at our place now.”

“Everyone else?”

“Yeah. Sokka is dating Suki, who is a total badass. We do judo together, and she kicks my ass every single time.” Zuko’s eyes flit towards Mai and she wonders if he’s thinking of all the times _she_ has kicked his ass on the tennis court. Zuko hurries on. “Sokka’s sister, Katara, is dating Aang now. She’s pred-med and actually kind of terrifying. She _hated_ me at first because I wasn’t very nice to Aang, but we get along well now.”

“Sounds like everyone is dating everyone,” Mai says, trying to keep everything straight.

“Yeah, it got a little complicated. But everyone is happy, and there isn’t as much pining going on anymore. That was getting annoying.”

“What about you? Are you the fifth wheel?”

“Co-fifth wheel,” Zuko corrects. “One more friend in the group: Toph. She’s blind and she is genuinely the ballsiest person I have ever met. At parties, she likes to arm wrestle guys three times her size and she literally made one of them cry last year.”

“Sounds like you two would make an interesting pair.”

Zuko pulls a face.

“I am not dating Toph.”

“Who are you dating then?”

“I—“ Zuko pauses, giving Mai a suspicious look. “No one.”

“Hmm,” Mai says, her calm expression masking her spike in heart rate. “It’s been nine months. You haven’t dated anyone?”

“Nothing serious.”

Mai raises an eyebrow. Zuko groans.

“Fine,” he relents. “Two people. Not for very long.”

“Did your poetry recitations work on them?”

“I guess Jin would have liked poetry, but we really only went on a few dates,” Zuko says distractedly. “Jet probably would’ve hated it. He never…”

Zuko’s eye bulge and he turns to stare at Mai.

“What?” she asks, confused by this reaction.

“Um,” Zuko stammers. “Uh, you don’t care?”

“Care about what?”

“That I… that I dated a guy.”

“Was he nice?”

“What?”

“Was he nice?” Mai repeats.

“Why are you asking?”

“Because,” Mai says with a hint of impatience, “you actually _like_ reciting poetry and it’s concerning that you would date someone who couldn’t stand it.”

Zuko blinks at her for a moment. He looks back down at his bed and picks at a loose thread.

“Jet wasn’t nice,” Zuko sighs. “He was a bad boyfriend, and I felt like I deserved it. I don’t feel that way anymore,” he adds quickly before Mai can offer a rebuttal. “I haven’t dated anyone since. Just felt like I needed to get my head right.”

“Okay,” Mai says. She lies back down on her bed, staring back up at the ceiling.

“Have you dated anyone?”

She hears a hint of jealousy in Zuko’s voice and she rolls her eyes.

“No,” she says. “Just made out with a few boring rich guys from the Boys Academy.”

“How many is ‘a few’?”

“None of your fucking business.”

Zuko lets out a noise of discontent, which Mai pointedly ignores.

“For tomorrow…” he starts slowly, “I’m not really sure what to do.”

“Neither am I,” Mai says honestly. “I think we just have to show up.”

“What did my uncle say he was going to do?”

“He didn’t. I have no idea what his plan is.”

“I guess we should get some sleep then.”

“I guess so.”

They both lie still for a long time. Mai can feel her eyelids start to droop when Zuko whispers again.

“Mai? Are you awake?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you,” Zuko says, so softly she can nearly hear him.

“For what?”

“For being here. For helping Azula. You’re a really good person, Mai.”

Mai closes her eyes. There is a sharp pain pressing into her chest.

“I just wanted you to know,” Zuko adds, his voice heavy with sleep, “that I really missed you. And I’m really glad you’re here.”

Mai says nothing, trying to focus on keeping steady, even breaths. She chances a glance at Zuko, but he appears to have fallen asleep.

Sleep eludes her for a long time as she listens to the echo of Zuko’s voice in her head.


	7. Moving

Mai stifles another yawn as she, Zuko, and Iroh exit the cab outside of Caldera City Hospital. Even Zuko and Iroh, usually early risers, look a little bleary-eyed after their flight. Still, they both walk with great purpose towards the front doors. Mai is amused to see that the cocky Sozin strut appears to be a familial trait. Mai thinks of how many times she’s followed Azula as she sashayed pridefully around town, the same purposeful set of her chin.

Mai’s stomach gives a horrible jolt as she remembers that Azula may still be unconscious.

“Wait,” Mai says abruptly, stopping dead in her tracks.

Iroh and Zuko turn to look at her, puzzled.

“I’ve had my phone off this whole time,” Mai explains. “Before we go in, we should probably check to see if anything is going on. Ty Lee said she would keep me updated.”

The men nod, stepping carefully out of the way so that other people can enter the hospital.

Mai’s phone slowly blinks back to life. There are a dozen missed calls from her parents, which she ignores, and a few texts from Ty Lee. Hurriedly, she reads them out loud to Iroh and Zuko.

“Doctors say Azula should be waking up soon… Azula is awake, but she’s pretty out of it. She’s asking to see her dad. Should I tell her he’s coming?… I was totally right, my sisters can’t decide who’s coming to get me, so I’m here until at least tonight. Ping is letting me go back to the house to rest a bit, but I think I should stay here… Just told Azula her dad isn’t here, she’s kind of freaking out… Your mom won’t stop calling me — oh, that must be after I got to Ba Sing Se,” Mai says, feeling slightly guilty that Ty Lee had to fend off her overbearing mother. “Okay, it looks like Ty Lee did spend the night at the house. She says she’ll be here in half an hour. I’ll tell her we’re here now.”

Zuko and Iroh nod again and pivot back towards the doors. Mai’s stomach ache, far from being quelled by Ty Lee’s information, is worse than ever. She wonders if Azula is awake now, and, if so, what sort of state she’s in.

Almost immediately, their trio runs into an obstacle: Azula is no longer in her room.

“Excuse me,” Mai asks the fatigued looking nurse manning the emergency room desk. “We’re looking for Azula Sozin. She was admitted two nights ago — she was in room 405, but I think she must have been transferred.”

The nurse types Azula’s name into the computer and hesitates.

“Are you family?”

“I am,” Zuko says from behind Mai. “I’m her brother.”

He pulls out his wallet and shows the nurse his identification. Iroh does the same. The nurse turns to look at Mai.

“I’m her friend, but I was here two nights ago.”

“Well, I’m afraid she’s in a restricted area now. You’ll have to be approved as visitors.”

“What?” Mai frowns. “Why?”

“She’s been placed on a 5150 hold.” 

Mai’s confusion deepens, but Zuko twitches and grips the edge of the counter.

“When?” Zuko demands, his eyes flashing.

“Last night.”

“There was a girl here last night,” Zuko says quickly. “Another friend of hers… brown hair, probably wearing pink?”

The nurse nods. 

“Yes, I was on shift last night. I remember seeing her.”

“Was she around when this happened?”

“I don’t know,” the nurse says, shrugging. “But if you would like to try to see your sister, you need to go up to the sixth floor.”

“Thank you,” Zuko says curtly. He spins on his heel and marches towards the stairs, Mai and Iroh hurrying to keep up.

“What’s going on?” Mai asks as Zuko hops up the stairs two at a time. “What’s a 5150 hold?”

“Psychiatric hold,” Zuko says, his face set in a deep scowl. “She probably threatened to kill herself.”

“Azula would _never_ …”

“I know,” Zuko says quickly. “But she would threaten to if she needed.”

“Why on _earth_ would she need to —“

“Ty Lee told her my dad wasn’t coming,” Zuko growls. “Azula almost dies and he doesn’t bother to show his face. She needed to escalate.”

Mai follows in stunned silence. They finally reach the main desk on the sixth floor, but there is a line of people waiting to be helped. Zuko lets out a groan of frustration.

“How did you know what it was?” Mai asks him quietly. “The 5150 thing.”

To her surprise, some of the tension melts from Zuko’s shoulders.

“Not from personal experience.” he says with a quirk of his lips. “I took a psych class last fall.”

“Oh,” Mai says, feeling suddenly foolish for worrying.

Zuko’s hand finds hers. She can’t decide what’s more shocking: that Zuko would know that she wanted the comfort of physical touch, or that he would offer it. She meets his gaze and finds his golden eyes on hers. Maybe it’s because Iroh had told her Zuko had changed, but he really did seem different in that instant. Some of his sharper edges seemed smoother, a more polished and calmer Zuko. She wonders if it’s really thanks to the new friends he had been praising so highly the night before.

The moment only lasts a few seconds. The line moves quickly, and soon Zuko and Iroh are negotiating with the man at the desk to see Azula. Mai hangs back, unsure of what to do next. However, Iroh quickly waves her up to the front.

“This,” he says in a friendly voice to the man at the desk, “is one of my niece’s closest friends. She would like to visit Azula, as would another friend who will be arriving shortly.”

“I understand,” the man says sympathetically. “But unfortunately, Ms. Sozin has requested a very restricted visiting list.”

“Ah,” Iroh says delicately. “Perhaps she is waiting for an Ozai Sozin, her father?”

“We have been trying to contact him,” the man explains. “Perhaps you have another number we can use to reach him…”

“He’s been reached,” Mai says flatly. “I told him Azula was admitted two days ago.”

“Have you been able to update him as to her current condition?”

“No.”

“Well, if you could get him on the phone…”

“I texted him.”

“And he responded?” Zuko asks, slightly incredulous.

“Yes.”

“Perhaps if we could see the conversation…” the man at the desk begins.

“No,” Mai insists. “You need to tell Azula we’re here, and if she wants to talk to her dad, she’s going to have to talk to me first.”

The man frowns.

“Miss,” he starts sternly. “Your friend is quite ill. You can’t —“

“Excuse me.”

A doctor pops her head out of the locked doorway behind the front desk. They all turn to look at her.

“Miss Sozin is asking that her list of visitors be expanded. Are you Zuko Sozin and Mai Takeda?”

Zuko and Mai nod.

“Please, follow me. Miss Takeda, if you could leave your bag…”

They turn to look at Iroh, who gives them a slight smile. He extends his hand to take Mai’s purse, but not before Mai subtly pockets her cell phone. She has a feeling that this item is strictly forbidden on the ward, but she needs it. It’s her ace in the hole for whatever mayhem Azula is planning.

“Go,” Iroh says gently. “I will deal with my brother’s absence. Please offer Azula my well wishes.”

Zuko and Mai follow the doctor through the doors. Privately, Mai feels like she is walking towards an execution. Zuko reaches out to hold her hand again.

“She’s had quite a difficult evening,” the doctor explains. “But she has asked to see you. If there are any problems, you can press the red button near the door or near the bed and someone will be with you to help.”

This sounds very ominous, but Mai nods anyway.

They both hesitate on the threshold. Zuko gives Mai’s hand one last squeeze and lets go as he steps inside. Mai follows, her whole body taut with tension.

The first thing Mai notices is Azula’s hair. It looks like a four year old took some creative licenses in giving her bangs, and there is an uneven layer on the side of her face. She appears to be wearing lipstick — Mai is certain that this was applied when Ty Lee was around, who was a strong believer in a makeover leading to an improved mood — but it’s smeared now. Azula’s eyes flash as Zuko and Mai approach, and, not for the first time, Mai is a little afraid of her.

Azula, however, seems to only have eyes for Zuko.

“Zuzu,” she purrs dangerously. “Come to gloat?”

Mai remembers this is what Azula had said to Zuko the summer before. This time, however, he doesn’t look hurt by these words.

“No,” he says firmly. “I’m here to take care of you.”

“I thought that’s what you were supposed to be doing last summer,” she hisses. “It seems you’ve failed.”

“Yes,” Zuko agrees. “And I’m sorry, Azula.”

“You’re _sorry_?” Azula’s eyes bulge with rage. “You’re _sorry_?”

“Yes,” Zuko repeats. “But I had to leave. You need to leave, too.”

“Not _this_ again.” Azula rolls her eyes, a cruel sneer on her face. “You pulled this on me last summer, too.”

For the first time, Mai speaks.

“You tried to get Azula to leave with you last summer?” she asks Zuko.

“Hah!” Azula scoffs. “You should have heard him. _Azula, you can’t stay here. Azula, Father will never change_. Well, not all of us are _weak_ like you, Zuzu. I can handle Father. He actually _cares_ about me, unlike you.”

“Then where is he?” Zuko demands. “Seriously, Azula. He didn’t lift a finger when you were in the hospital last time, and he isn’t here now.”

“He’ll be here,” Azula snarls. “Father loves me.”

Azula’s voice is strong, but her posture shrinks smaller and smaller. She looks like a cornered animal.

“He doesn’t love anyone but himself, Azula.”

“You’re wrong! He’s coming!”

Azula is shaking now, fury and fear radiating from her body. Mai has to revise her feelings about auras. She can practically feel a dark cloud wrapping around Azula, threatening to suffocate her. 

Mai finds her voice.

“Even if he does come, it won’t be because he loves you. It will be to sweep all this under the rug.”

Azula and Zuko both stare at her. Mai pulls out her phone and shoves it into Azula’s line of sight. Mai briefly worries that Azula might to grab the phone, but she notices that there are restraints around Azula’s hands. Azula’s eyes widen as she reads the text thread Mai presents her.

_Mai: Mr. Sozin, this is Azula’s friend, Mai. Azula has just been rushed to the hospital; she is unconscious from a drug overdose. I just left you a voicemail, but you need to come right away._

_Ozai Sozin: How did you get this number?_

_Mai: From the housekeeper. Please, Mr. Sozin. Azula is very unwell._

_Ozai Sozin: My daughter does not do drugs. You have no evidence of this and you are wasting my time._

_Mai: I do have evidence. You need to come right away._

_Mai: Mr. Sozin, she is in critical condition._

_Mai: Fine, if you need proof, here it is._

Azula’s eyes flick up to Mai and Mai scrolls down.

Azula appears to stop breathing. She stares at the image, the one Mai took after she had wiped the vomit from Azula’s face. Mai avoids looking down at the screen — she hasn’t been able to get the sight out of her head anyway — and scrolls just enough to show Ozai’s response.

_Ozai Sozin: Azula’s problems are her own. Delete this filth and never contact me again._

Mai slowly pulls the phone back towards herself. She can feel Zuko’s curious gaze on her, but, like with Ty Lee, Mai refuses to let him see what she has seen. They both watch as Azula twitches, her eyes darting around the room.

“No,” she whispers finally.

“Azula, he doesn’t care.”

“He’ll come,” she repeats again desperately. “He doesn’t know about this,” she adds, indicating the walls of the psychiatric ward. “Once he hears about this…”

“He’ll distance himself even more,” Zuko interrupts. “Please, Azula. I know it’s hard to accept, but he’s not… he’s not the father we want him to be.”

“You’re wrong,” Azula shouts as tears stream down her face. A manic laugh punctuates the crying. “Father loves me. He hates you. I’m his favorite. I’m the perfect child. I’m… I’m…”

Azula’s face cracks in two. She pulls against the restrains on her wrists, but they don’t budge. She wails in anguish, and an orderly rushes in.

“You should leave,” the orderly says quickly. “She needs to rest.”

Azula screams as Zuko and Mai turn to leave, but the orderly leading them out hesitates.

“What in Agni’s name…” he mutters.

It had been difficult to hear over Azula’s cries, but Mai recognizes loud voices in the hall. The shouting from outside intensifies, and Azula quiets, clearly curious as to the commotion despite her distress.

“How _dare_ you,” thunders an angry voice. “Don’t you know who I am?”

Out of the corner of Mai’s eye, she sees Zuko go rigid. She slips her hand in his without a second thought and squeezes tightly.

Ozai Sozin bursts into the room, followed by Iroh, an irate doctor, and a bawling Ty Lee.

“Sir!” the doctor shouts. “This is a closed ward! And you two…” 

The doctor turns to chastise Ty Lee and Iroh, but Ty Lee easily sidesteps him and runs straight to Azula. She sobs into Azula’s shoulder as she clings to her.

“Why?” Ty Lee cries. “Why would you say you were going to hurt yourself? Azula, _please_. If anything ever happened to you, I don’t know what I…”

“You all need to leave _immediately_ ,” the doctor thunders. 

The orderly grabs hold of Iroh, who is closest to the door, but despite Iroh’s placid expression, he is quite unmovable. More orderlies rush towards the door, but everyone freezes in place at the sound of Azula’s voice.

“Wait.”

The whole room turns towards her. Her eyes are fixed on Ozai.

“Why are you here?”

Ozai looks furious.

“Stupid girl,” he hisses. “Do you have _any_ idea at the trouble you have caused? I always assumed you were smarter than your _idiot_ brother.” 

He glares daggers at Zuko, but Mai steps in between them and glares right back. Ozai looks even more annoyed and turns back to Azula.

“You have brought shame onto the Sozin name,” he continues. 

The orderlies, obviously in agreement that this line of conversation is not in the best interest of their patient, surround Ozai and attempt to move him out.

“Wait, please,” Azula asks. Her voice is surprisingly steady, and the manic gleam in her eye seems dulled. Her composure gives everyone pause.

“Is that why you finally showed up?” Azula asks, cocking her head slightly. “To disown me?”

“Yes,” Ozai says fiercely. “You are an embarrassment, a disgrace —“

“Well done, Zuzu,” Azula interrupts her father. She grimaces at Zuko. “I suppose you were right after all. Very well,” she sighs, turning to the orderlies. “You can take them all away now. I would like to rest.”

“You ungrateful—“ Ozai starts, but the orderlies are on him like flies. Two seize each arm, and another pushes at his back. They hear him shouting as he’s escorted out of the hallway.

Iroh gracefully bows to Azula and to the doctor.

“I apologize for the intrusion,” he says as the doctor glares at him with a stony expression. “Azula, please know that I will be available for whatever assistance you need in this difficult time.”

Azula says nothing, and Iroh makes his exit.

The doctor gives Mai and Zuko a pointed look. Ty Lee is still clinging tightly to Azula and seems determined to stay by her side. Mai sighs.

“Come on, Ty Lee. We should let Azula rest.”

Gently, she goes to untangle Ty Lee from around Azula’s neck. As Mai straightens up, Azula’s expression sharpens.

“Doctor Yee,” Azula says quickly. “Please, could my brother stay a bit longer?”

No one looks more surprised than Zuko. The doctor frowns.

“Ms. Sozin, you need to rest. Your family —“

“I apologize for my father’s behavior,” Azula says, the picture of politeness. “But I believe he will only cause more trouble if my brother is around.”

“Azula, you don’t have to —“ Zuko starts.

“You came here to help me even though you knew it would put you back in his line of fire,” Azula says reasonably. “Besides, Doctor Yee said I needed a more supportive environment.”

The doctor in question does not seem to particularly buy this argument. Mai suspects that she has seen plenty of patients like Azula before: masters of manipulation with their own agenda. But even Doctor Yee can’t seem to argue that it is worth putting Zuko back into the same room as his unstable father, and sighs.

“Ladies, please follow me out.”

“We’ll come back as soon as we can,” Ty Lee whispers to Azula.

“Take your time,” Azula says, suddenly looking exhausted. 

Mai guides Ty Lee down the hall, both of their feet trudging slower and slower as they approach the sounds of Ozai’s wrath.

The doors to the ward have barely closed behind them when Mai’s phone buzzes.

_Zuko: Azula needs you to do something for her._

“Of course she does,” Mai sighs.

“What? What’s going on?” Ty Lee bounces at her side.

“Stand still. You’ll draw his attention,” Mai says with a wary glance at Ozai, who is now yelling so much at the poor man at the front desk that everyone in the waiting area is covering their ears.

Mai responds as quickly and covertly as she can.

_Mai: That’s why she kept you back, isn’t it? To use your phone?_

_Zuko: Yeah. And maybe to protect me from my dad? But that’s not important right now._

_Zuko: Azula wants to get her stuff out of Sozin Estate. Think you could make that happen?_

Mai angles her phone to show Ty Lee the message. Ty Lee hastily dries her tears.

“We should ask Azula’s uncle to distract her dad,” Ty Lee whispers. “Buy us some time.”

“Good idea,” Mai agrees. She must _really_ be sleep deprived, because she can swear that there’s the slightest hue of pink floating around Ty Lee now, who looks happy for the first time in days. 

Ty Lee tiptoes carefully over to Iroh while Mai texts Zuko back.

_Mai: On it. We’re getting Iroh to distract your dad. Text me if anything changes._

_Zuko: Thanks_.

Mai looks up to see Iroh and Ty Lee deep in conversation. When Mai approaches, Iroh winks. 

“I will stall Ozai, although it seems he will cause enough trouble all on his own…” 

Iroh catches sight of a stern-looking doctor with a long white beard. 

“Ah, Dr. Pakku is here. He is the head of the hospital administration and a dear friend. I can prevail upon him to delay my brothers demands. I must go now — good luck.”

He hustles towards the commotion with surprising speed. Ty Lee and Mai don’t wait to see what happens, and they race towards the elevators. Once they reach the ground floor, they break into a run to catch a cab.

It is strange to think that a mere two days ago, Mai was planning on spending the rest of a miserable spring holiday at the Sozin Estate. Now, she was probably seeing it for the last time. Mai knows she isn’t the most sentimental person in the world, but the thought of leaving Sozin Estate forever has absolutely no emotional weight to it. It’s time to leave, and that’s what they intend to do.

There are five staff members at the house that morning: Ping, Tran, a housecleaner, and two gardeners. All of them are waiting on the front steps when Ty Lee and Mai arrive.

“I texted Ping,” Ty Lee explains as they exit the cab. “I figured we would need more help.”

“You told them we’re moving Azula out?”

“Yes, and Ping actually had a lot of good suggestions.”

This is a bit of an understatement. Ping already has a clipboard in her hands and is allocating tasks when Mai and Ty Lee greet her.

“A moving truck will be here in an hour,” Ping tells them. “Tran will need to stay in the kitchen — Mr. Sozin will fire all of us if his supper isn’t ready. Everyone else will help pack and bring down boxes.”

“Won’t you get in trouble for helping us?” Ty Lee asks.

“Unfortunately, there was an electrical outage this morning that reset all of the security footage around the house,” Ping says calmly. “It won’t be rebooted for several hours, by which time you should be long gone.”

“Oh, that’s lucky!”

Mai exchanges a glance with Ping. Luck has nothing to do with it, of course, but neither of them has the heart to puncture Ty Lee’s enthusiasm.

The house is a flurry of activity. Ping and Mai focus on folding clothes from Azula’s expansive closet, while Ty Lee and the housekeeper flit around the house looking for any loose items. The housekeeper is particularly useful, as she is the one who knows where all of the important documents are kept and pulls out Azula’s passport and birth certificate. The gardeners use their strength to tote boxes out to the front of the house for the impending arrival of the moving truck. They all agree it is best to leave behind furniture and anything not tucked away in a closet.

“Mr. Sozin didn’t notice Zuko had gone for good until almost a month after he left,” Ping says. “All he took were some clothes, but his room looked the same, so Mr. Sozin didn’t question it.”

“A _month_?” Ty Lee gasps. “Where did he think Zuko was if he hadn’t seen him for a whole month?”

“Mr. Sozin was away on business,” Ping explains. “He assumed Zuko was here.”

“But didn’t he get mad when he came back and found out Zuko left?” Mai asks.

Ping gives a sad smile.

“No,” she says. “He assumed his brother had strong-armed the staff into turning Zuko over into his care. He never knew that we were the ones who notified Iroh in the first place.”

“How can you work for him?” Mai fumes. “Ozai. He’s a monster.”

“I have mouths to feed at home,” Ping says with a shrug. “It’s not my job to pass judgement.”

“But you should have protected them! Zuko and Azula were just children!” Mai shouts. 

Ty Lee stares; Mai is not usually one to raise her voice, but the day has gotten the better of her.

“I understand you feel that way,” Ping says, as unruffled as ever. “I did what I could, but I am not Zuko or Azula’s parent. Trust me, if I could have prevented this, I would have. The only one to blame is Ozai.”

Mai isn’t sure she agrees, but she doesn’t reply. She feels like every adult she knows is complicit in hurting someone, whether directly or not. Was that what adulthood was? Was this what Mai was going to become — someone who stood by and washed her hands of the sins of others?

By the time the moving truck arrives, most of Azula’s closets have been emptied and sorted. Ty Lee and Mai pack their own things — it wasn’t like they would be welcome at the Sozin Estate after this either — and walk down to make their exit. Mai passes a glance at Zuko’s room. She knows there is nothing in it that Zuko would want; he had taken his things the summer before and left all the bad memories behind. 

As they throw their bags into the trunk of another cab, Mai turns to Ty Lee.

“There’s one more thing I need to do. Wait here.”

Ty Lee looks puzzled, but nods. Mai runs back into the house across the main hallway. She races out onto the grounds, past the sprawling gardens and around the tennis court. She’s a little out of breath when she reaches her destination, but she is in luck.

The gentle morning rays of sun glitter on the surface of the pond. A family of ducks swims peacefully across the surface, and a cool breeze rustles the surrounding trees. Mai lifts her phone to take a few pictures and texts one to Zuko.

She takes one last long look at the pond before turning her back on it. Zuko reply buzzes in her hand.

_Zuko: ?_

_Mai: Are you still with Azula? We’re leaving now._

_Zuko: Okay, I’ll tell her._

_Mai: How is she?_

_Zuko: Hard to say. She put on a good show before you guys left, but there’s been a lot of screaming and crying since then. She asked for dad like five times and kept changing her mind._

Mai swallows heavily. She can only imagine the kind of vitriol that’s been spewing out of Azula’s mouth. Zuko was always her favorite punching bag.

_Mai: Are you okay?_

_Zuko: Yes_

_Zuko: I will be_

_Zuko: I’m going to go find Uncle Iroh now. Where are you guys?_

_Mai: We’re going to a storage unit place to put away Azula’s stuff. Then we’ll go back to school, I guess. They should be able to let us back — there are other students staying around for the holidays._

_Zuko: Oh, okay._

Mai can sense there’s something Zuko isn’t saying, but she doesn’t know how to prod it out of him. She gets into the cab with Ty Lee, who thankfully doesn’t ask Mai any questions. Instead, they ride across town in silence, Sozin Estate growing smaller and smaller behind them.

After several minutes, Mai’s phone buzzes again.

_Zuko: Why did you send that picture?_

Mai stares out the window, pondering the right thing to say.

_Mai: Thought you might miss the pond. You said it was your favorite place, and now you can’t go back._

They’ve almost reached their final destination before Zuko responds.

_Zuko: I do miss it. Thank you._

Mai squashes the question fluttering in her chest — _do you miss me?_ — and throws her phone back in her purse. She’s got a lot of work to do, and emotions just get in the way of things. 

“Hey,” Ty Lee says quietly as they go to grab the first set of boxes. “You know you can talk to me, right?”

“I know.”

“Mai, you’ve always been the strong one. You don’t have to —“

“It’s fine,” Mai lies.

Ty Lee looks skeptical and opens her mouth to speak.

“If you say anything about my aura, I will stab you,” Mai threatens.

Oddly, this makes Ty Lee smile.

“Okay,” she says. “But when you’re ready to talk —“

“I know,” Mai says, her bravado suddenly crumbling. “We’ll talk later, okay? Just… let’s just get through this right now.”

Ty Lee squeezes Mai in a tight hug.

“Yes, we’ll get through this,” she agrees. “But we’re not just doing this for Azula, right? This is about us, too. We’re helping her, but we’re not going back to the way things were before.”

Mai can’t hide her surprise at these words, but she agrees.

“Moving forward,” she says.

“Yes,” Ty Lee smiles. “Moving forward.”


	8. Vulnerable

Zuko had been right: university really was just _fine_. It wasn’t great, but wasn't not as terrible as the last few months of Mai’s life. She was satisfied with _fine_.

The fallout with Mai’s parents had been delayed. They had been itching to pull her out of school to punish her, but it would not have been good for their family image. They were happy enough that Mai continued to excel academically. In fact, she had ended up at the top of her class and had aced all the university entrance exams. Her parents had bragged endlessly about their daughter’s achievements, omitting the fact that they were barely on speaking terms any more. 

Her acceptance into Ba Sing Se University had been more like a court sentencing than a celebration. It was expected that she fulfill her four-year sentence without complaint and with continued good grades. Mai figured Ba Sing Se was as good as anywhere as long as it wasn’t Omashu.

She had spent a miserable summer in Omashu before her university courses began. Her parents, still furious at Mai for ignoring their orders after Azula’s hospitalization, had given her chore after chore to prevent her from leaving the house. They had generously sent Tom-Tom’s full-time nanny on a two month vacation and had placed Mai entirely in charge of his care. Mai actually thought that this ‘punishment’ was ill-judged; time spent with her exuberant little brother was quite enjoyable, even if it was exhausting. The misery came in the complete isolation. Mai was only allowed to take Tom-Tom on approved outings and had to stay within strict time limits. Her parents had confiscated her phone and given her one meant for children. The phone came pre-programed with only the numbers of her parents and emergency services. Her parents had warned Mai that they would read through any mail that came for her, so she had written to Ty Lee and Azula and asked them not to send her anything.

She had not, however, considered Zuko.

Before the start of the summer holidays, she and Zuko had stayed in intermittent contact. It was mostly Azula-related. Azula had been moved into a rehabilitation facility, and it was a rocky start to say the least. Azula was far too clever to be caged, and the final rejection by her father had seemed to untether her. Mai and Ty Lee had sent hand-written letters, but they were occasionally returned, unopened, or answered in long, rambling paragraphs that made little sense. Ty Lee was beside herself, but they had been forbidden to visit Azula by their parents. Zuko, however, was not bound to anyone, and frequently visited the facility in Ba Sing Se where Azula was being treated. He filled Ty Lee and Mai in on the gaps — Azula’s troubles seemed to wax and wane without much warning — but there were also occasions to slip in personal information, too. Mai learned that Zuko had finally switched to a classics major, and that he had planned to work in his uncle’s tea shop over the summer. He had congratulated Mai on her acceptance into Ba Sing Se University and promised to show her around. Mai had tried to demur — she didn’t need to be squired about — but Zuko brushed her off.

“The first few weeks at university aren’t as much fun as they look in the movies,” Zuko explained. “At least, it wasn’t for me. I would’ve liked to have a friend around.”

Mai’s heart tugged at the word _friend_. Logically, she knew she should want nothing more than that from Zuko; he had broken her heart, and once was more than enough. Yet there were still times when she would lose herself in a daydream, imagining what it would be like to be with him at university. There would be no one there to tell them who to be or what to do. They could just be themselves.

When she had returned to Omashu, she had not thought to warn Zuko about her impending punishment. She had assumed he would call Ty Lee about Azula and the two of them could brainstorm how best to proceed. Ty Lee was better at this sort of thing, anyway. Mai was lonely with just Tom-Tom for company, but it was a bit of a relief not to spend all her time worrying about Azula anymore.

One Saturday afternoon, Mai and Tom-Tom had come home from the library to the sound of shouting. Both of them were more perplexed than afraid. Raised voices were so unusual in their house, they did not quite know what to make of it.

“Is it bad guys?” Tom-Tom asked, tugging on Mai’s sleeve.

“I don’t think so,” Mai said, although her mind whirled with possibilities. “Why don’t you go wash your hands and I’ll meet you in your room to read stories?”

“Okay!”

Tom-Tom dashed away from the noise towards the back of the house. Mai turned and made her way towards the living room. As she stepped across the threshold, she froze.

Zuko was standing in the center of the room, tall and proud. The expression on his face was deadly, enhanced by the shadow of his scar. Her parents looked positively scandalized. Her mother clutched a hand to her chest and her father’s mustache was twitching in annoyance. Both of them caught sight of Mai and glared. Zuko turned and his angry facade fell away.

“Mai, I’m sorry,” Zuko said quickly. 

“What’s going on?”

“You didn’t answer any of my calls,” Zuko said hastily. “Not for weeks. I just called Ty Lee this morning and she said _they_ ,” he turned to glare at Mai’s parents, “were basically keeping you under house arrest.”

“Young man!” Mai’s father interrupted. “How we discipline our daughter is none of your concern!”

“You’re reading her mail!” Zuko shouted. “That’s a crime! And what are you even disciplining her _for_? She graduated at the top of her class, for Agni’s sake.”

“You know perfectly well why Mai is in trouble,” Mai’s mother said frostily. Her expression was puckered, like she had swallowed a lemon. “She ran off to Ba Sing Se last spring, and we can’t have a repeat of that sort of behavior.”

Zuko’s mouth fell open, incredulous.

“So you’re just going to trap her here until she leaves for Ba Sing Se anyway? This is ridiculous!”

“Zuko,” Mai said sharply. “Can I have a word?”

“Oh, no you don’t,” Mai’s father blustered. “Anything you have to say to him, you can say in front of us.”

“You —“ Zuko snarled.

“Fine,” Mai interjected, trying to remain calm. “Zuko, I appreciate your concern. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to contact you. I’m fine.”

Zuko looked, if possible, even angrier.

“You only say you’re fine when you’re lying.”

“I’m not lying,” Mai lied. “Everything is fine.”

“Mai…”

“I’ll be at school with you in a few weeks,” she said as neutrally as possible. “It will be all right.”

“You will _not_ associate with _him_ when you are at school,” Mai’s mother said hotly. “Nor will you contact Azula Sozin. Both of them have brought shame onto their family.”

“Poor Mr. Sozin,” Mai’s father agreed. “Sometimes you try your best but —“

Mai saw red.

“Ozai Sozin abused his children their entire lives. _He_ is the one who should be ashamed, not them.” Her voice was barely a whisper, but is was as sharp as a knife.

“Mai Takeda!” her father roared. “You have said quite enough!”

“ _Stop!_ ”

Everyone turn to look at the source of the sound. Tom-Tom ran full-tilt at Mai and buried his face against her skirt. 

“Don’t yell at Mai!” Tom-Tom said, his tiny voice close to a sob.

“Look what you have done,” her mother tutted. “You’ve upset your brother!”

Mai scooped Tom-Tom up and held him on her hip so that he was eye-level with her. She brushed away an errant strand of hair.

“It’s okay,” she said quietly to Tom-Tom. “They’re not going to yell anymore.”

Her parents shared an uneasy glance. Mai fought a smirk. She had been friends with Azula for over a decade; she knew when a little manipulation was needed.

“Mother and Father were upset because they don’t want me to see my friend, Zuko. This is Zuko,” she added, rotating herself so Tom-Tom could take a look. 

Zuko, looking supremely out of place, gave a little wave and Tom-Tom smiled.

“He’s your friend?”

“Yes,” Mai said evenly. “We play tennis together.”

“Why do Mommy and Daddy not want you to see your friend?” Tom-Tom asked, his face the picture of curious innocence.

“Let’s ask them.”

Mai’s parents both went slightly purple. Mai kept her gaze steady, daring them to answer. They shared another glance and seemed to admit defeat.

“Of course Mai can see her friend,” Mai’s father started slowly. “But Mai has been so busy taking care of you…”

“Mai’s friend can come play with us!” Tom-Tom said excitedly. “ _Please_?”

Mai’s parent’s looked even more uncomfortable but, as Mai had suspected, could not resist their favorite child’s request.

“ _One_ play-date,” her mother said. “And then he goes back to Ba Sing Se.”

“But you can telephone us!” Tom-Tom added eagerly. “I know how to use it all by myself!”

“Your parents won’t let me call,” Zuko said slowly, staring at Mai.

“Why not?”

Another awkward silence fell until Mai’s mother spoke:

“Oh, of _course_ he can call,” she said, sounding slightly strangled. “But only on the home phone.”

Zuko seemed less than satisfied with this, but he nodded.

“Come on, Tom-Tom,” Mai had said, fighting off the urge to smugly stick out her tongue. “Let’s go see if Zuko remembers how to play tennis.”

Tom-Tom had wriggled from Mai’s grasp and excitedly led Zuko outside. He seemed ecstatic to have someone else to play with — Mai realized that her life was not the only one tightly controlled for propriety’s sake — and Zuko, for his part, tried to follow along with Tom-Tom’s requests. 

As the afternoon faded, Zuko turned to Mai.

“I have to catch the train back home in an hour,” he said slowly. “But I could stay if you wanted. Or… or you could come with me.”

Mai shook her head.

“I can’t,” she sighed. “I really do have to watch Tom-Tom until the end of the summer.”

“It’s so unfair, what they’re doing,” Zuko growled, staring up at the house with dislike.

Mai shrugged.

“I’ll be out soon enough.”

“You don’t have to live like a prisoner in your own house. I mean it, Mai. Come with me. I can get you out of here.”

“I’m not a damsel in distress,” Mai said firmly. “I can handle myself.”

“I know that,” Zuko said, his face falling. “I just… I don’t like knowing that you’re probably really lonely here.”

For a long beat, neither of them spoke. Tom-Tom was busily gathering sticks; Mai wasn’t sure what for, but he seemed happy about it.

“It was nice of you to come here,” Mai said finally.

“I feel like I made everything worse,” Zuko lamented.

“Oh, I’m sure there will be some sort of retribution,” Mai shrugged. “But Tom-Tom really likes you, and if you don’t call, he’ll freak out. My parents won’t stand for that.”

“The way they treat you —“ Zuko started.

“I know. But I’m going to stay here until the summer is over. I’m not asking you to understand it, but I need you to accept it.”

Zuko looked ready to argue, but a delighted laugh from Tom-Tom pulled his attention. Finally, Zuko nodded.

“Tom-Tom is really lucky he has you,” Zuko said quietly. “I wish —“

But whatever Zuko wished for, Mai never found out. He was interrupted by the arrival of Mai’s mother.

“Dinner will be served shortly,” she had said pointedly to Mai. It was clear the invitation did not extend to Zuko.

Zuko had left for the train station and had called once a week for the rest of the summer. The conversations had been highly supervised — on speakerphone with Mai’s mother in the room — but it had been nice to hear Zuko’s voice, her one connection to the outside world.

Now, three weeks into the start of her first semester at university, she is still trying to work up the nerve to actually see Zuko. She had seen Ty Lee and Azula — Ty Lee had been accepted into Ba Sing Se Circus Academy, and Azula, fresh out of her rehabilitation stay, had gotten an internship at a local advertising company. Mai was genuinely pleased about both of these things; it meant that Ty Lee was close and Azula was back on a good path. Mai had no doubt that Azula would rapidly rise up the ranks. In fact, Azula had already been promoted to the head of the interns. Mai was slightly concerned that this power would go to Azula’s head, but she couldn’t deny Azula had the skills. She was supposed to be working on a campaign to increase sales at the local zoo, and her pitches made even Mai consider taking a trip.

Thus far, Mai had spent every Friday evening with Ty Lee and Azula, catching up on their respective weeks. Azula and Ty Lee carried the conversation — they were the ones learning new and fascinating crafts — and Mai fell silent. What could she say, that her calculus class was interesting? She genuinely _did_ like it, but she knew that it was an odd choice to discuss at the dinner table. Perhaps it was because it was forbidden that she enjoyed it. Her parents wanted her to study hospitality administration, so Mai had loaded up her first semester with physics and mathematics instead. Either way, it felt silly to tell her friends about derivatives and integrals, so she just sat with her usual bored expression and listened as they gabbed.

“Mai, you have to get us into a college party,” Azula says at the end of their meal that evening. 

Mai starts. She had been thinking about a recent text from Zuko: _when am I going to see you? I want you to meet my friends_.

“I can’t take you to a college party,” Mai says, sighing. “I don’t go to any.”

“No parties?” Ty Lee asks, scandalized. “My circus friends throw parties four nights a week!”

“Even the people at my work have happy hours,” Azula points out. “You must know about _some_ parties.”

Mai knows her next statement will likely get her in trouble, so she endeavors to say it as neutrally as possible.

“I’m not sure a party is a good idea for all of us.”

Azula rolls her eyes.

“No need to be coy, Mai. I can handle myself. Six months sober, remember?”

“Five and a half,” Mai corrects.

“I’m not saying ‘and a half’ like a five year old,” Azula scowls. “The point is, I’m doing much better now, and it will be fine. We just want to go for the experience anyway.”

Mai is slightly relieved to hear Azula only claim to be doing ‘better’ rather than insisting on being cured. Mai turns to look at Ty Lee, whose expression is brimming with excitement.

“It will be just like in the movies!” she insists. “Oh, _please_ , Mai, it will be so much fun!”

“Fine,” Mai sighs. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Mai procrastinates on this task for a few days — she has problem sets for calculus and introductory physics, after all — but Azula and Ty Lee badger her relentlessly. Mai finally caves.

_Mai: Hey Zuko — do you know about any parties happening this weekend? Azula and Ty Lee are insisting on having a ‘college experience’_

She doesn’t wait long for Zuko’s reply.

_Zuko: I can ask Aang. He usually gets invited to stuff._

_Zuko: You’ll come too, right?_

_Mai: It’s not like I have anything else to do_

_Zuko: Cool. I’ll send you the details in a bit._

Mai breaks the good news to Azula and Ty Lee the next Friday night.

“Here’s the address,” she says, holding up her phone. “We can all meet there at ten.”

“Shouldn’t we get ready together first?” Ty Lee asks. “Like in your dorm room?”

“Hanging out in a dorm room isn’t fun,” Mai informs her. “Unless you like communal bathrooms and sitting on a twin bed that’s older than you are.”

Azula turns up her nose.

“We’ll just meet there,” she agrees. “No need to experience bed bugs first hand.”

Mai feels a flash of annoyance — it was one thing for Mai to make fun of her own surroundings, but it was less funny when Azula did it — but she sits quietly and sips her tea.

“So who is going to be at this party?” Ty Lee seems unflustered by having her idea shot down; her excitement is uncontainable.

“I don’t know,” Mai shrugs. “Zuko’s roommate was the one who knew about it.”

“Zuzu will be there?” A slow grin spreads across Azula’s face. “Oh, I would _love_ to see Zuzu at a party. He probably stands in a corner the whole time and scowls at everyone.”

“If you don’t want to go,” Mai warns, an edge to her tone, “you don’t have to. Don’t be a dick, Azula.”

Azula looks surprised, but laughs.

“Mai, you’re funny when you’re mean,” Azula says as she leans back in her chair. “Fine, I’ll behave myself. Ty Lee, you better behave, too.”

“I wouldn’t be rude to Zuko!” Ty Lee frowns.

“That’s not what I meant.” Azula waves her hand dismissively. “I meant you being _friendly_ to everyone.”

“What’s wrong with being friendly? I like making friends!”

“You know what I mean,” Azula rolls her eyes. “There’s friendly and then there’s _friendly_.”

Ty Lee’s face clouds. Mai thinks that perhaps Ty Lee will change the subject to brighten the mood but, to her great surprise, Ty Lee points an accusing finger in Azula’s face.

“There’s nothing wrong with a little flirting!” Ty Lee says hotly. 

Azula blinks at her, taken aback. Ty Lee continues, looking furious. 

“And if you don’t like it, maybe you should just ask me out yourself!”

Mai and Azula stare in shock as Ty Lee springs up from her seat. She grabs her purse and stalks out of the restaurant. The two of them keep their eyes fixed on the front door, waiting for her to return. 

Nothing happens. 

Finally, Mai’s phone buzzes: Ty Lee has wired Mai money to cover her share of the meal. Uncomfortably, Mai shifts in her seat.

“She’s not wrong,” Mai says slowly.

“What do you mean?” 

Azula’s response is quick and sharp. Mai will have to tread carefully here.

“You like her, don’t you?”

“We’ve been friends for eleven years!” Azula protests. “Of course I like Ty Lee.”

“No,” Mai shakes her head. “You like her more than that. All those parties we used to go to… you always got mad if she was talking to boys.”

“Those boys were all superficial idiots.”

“You didn’t mind them talking to me.”

“That’s because you were hung up on Zuzu,” Azula says, exasperated. “I was trying to help you.”

“How noble of you.”

“Mai, you’re being ridiculous.”

“No, I’m not,” Mai says, her voice firm. “If you like Ty Lee, why don’t you just tell her?”

Azula scowls at Mai for a long moment before sighing.

“Well, she’s mad at me now, so it’s hardly the right time.”

“When have you _ever_ let anything as inconvenient as other people’s feelings stop you from getting what you want?” Mai asks with a smirk.

Azula’s expression brightens. Rather, her eyes narrow like a lioness who has caught sight of her prey, which Mai recognizes as Azula’s happiest form.

“What do you suggest?” Azula asks in a purr.

“You have to start with an apology first.”

“Obviously,” Azula agrees with a nod. “And flowers?”

“Only after you’ve apologized.”

“Yes, she can’t think I’m trying to bribe her…” Azula says thoughtfully. “You’re the expert on flowers, Mai. What would she like? Something pink?”

Mai had an aunt who ran a flower shop, but she was hardly an expert herself. Still, Azula had killed every plant that had ever been entrusted to her, so Mai supposes the word ‘expert’ is relative.

“Not pink,” Mai says.

“Hm, I suppose you’re right. It’s a little ‘first thought,’ isn’t it? How about yellow?”

“You’re telling her you like her, not that you’re proud of her for graduating kindergarten.”

“Orange?”

“Do you actually hate her?”

“Who makes these rules!” Azula snarls, frustrated. “Red? No, don’t tell me — that’s not right either, is it?”

“It could be,” Mai says with a shrug. “But it’s a little forward if you’re not going to follow it up with ‘I love you.’”

Azula pales slightly. Mai guesses that, like herself, Azula has not told anyone she loves them in a very, very long time. Mai decides to take pity on Azula and help her out.

“A bouquet of wildflowers. Pinks and purples with some greenery thrown in there. Make it unique.”

“Right… unique means that she’s special,” Azula says, looking impressed. “Mai, I think you might be wasted on physics. Clearly, you have a knack for emotional manipulation through flower arrangements.”

“Don’t tell my mother,” Mai grouses. “She would be thrilled.”

Azula gives her an evaluating look.

“On second thought, I think you _should_ pursue mathematics. Become a strict professors. Wield a red pen like a blade. You’d be good at it.”

“Is that a compliment?”

“Well, you are helping me finally unburden myself of a secret I’ve had for several years, so, yes, I can pay you _one_ compliment.”

“I’m flattered.”

“You should be,” Azula says smugly. “Now, we should go before we bond too much. It will only make Ty Lee mad that we discussed feelings without her present.”

Mai wonders idly what will happen between Azula and Ty Lee, but she doesn’t have to wait too long to find out. The following evening, she arrives at the party at ten on the dot. The house is huge — one of the cooperative houses on campus where all the hippie students live communally — and it takes her a while to orient herself. She looks for Ty Lee and Azula, but finds no sign of them until, at last, she makes her way to the industrial-sized kitchen. The kitchen counter is covered in cans of crappy beer and mixers for drinks, but Mai doesn’t really feel like partaking. She wanders towards what she assumes is a pantry to look for something to snack on — she knows people will hound her if she doesn’t have something in her hands — and swings open the door.

“Occupied!”

Mai blinks. She had, indeed, found the pantry, which was large enough to accommodate two people inside. Ty Lee and Azula, however, are molded so tightly to each other that they may as well be one entity.

“Oh, hi, Mai!” Ty Lee says brightly. “Guess what? Azula asked me out!”

“I can see that.”

“If you don’t mind,” Azula says, looking a bit put out not to have Ty Lee’s full attention on her, “we were busy.”

“Oh, but we don’t want Mai to be all by herself —“ Ty Lee starts.

“It’s fine,” Mai says quickly, going to shut the door. “But you should maybe find a better hiding spot if you don’t want people to walk in on you.”

“That’s part of the fun!” Ty Lee giggles.

Mai, feeling herself go slightly red, shuts the door quickly and exits the kitchen.

Something churns uncomfortably in her gut. She _was_ happy for her friends, wasn’t she? Ty Lee and Azula may have been an unlikely romantic pair, but they wouldn’t be a bad one. Ty Lee had gotten tougher over the years; she wouldn’t stand for Azula’s shit anymore. And Azula, for her part, was actually working on her shit this time. Perhaps it would all work out for the best.

But Mai recognizes the ache in her chest: loneliness. She may have been happy for her friends, but she knew that she was on the outside now. They had each other, and she had… well, nothing sprang to mind.

For a brief second, Zuko appears in her thoughts. Maybe this was a chance for her to reconnect with him. She knew it was foolish to want anything more than friendship — he would break her heart again, she just knew it — but it would be nice to have a friend.

She goes in search of him, wandering into the back yard where there seem to be more people. Finally, she spots a cluster in the deepest corner of the yard; Zuko’s topknot gives him away. Azula had been right to assume Zuko would be found in the corner, but he is smiling, not scowling. The group around him seem to be in the middle of an amusing conversation, because Zuko laughs and claps one of them on the back. 

Mai watches as Zuko is handed something and brings it to his lips. There is a brief glow and smoke curls upwards. Zuko seems to hold his breath for a long moment before sighing, a swirl of vapor encasing his face. Even from a distance, the faint smell of weed reaches Mai’s nose. 

Mai turns on her heel and leaves.

She’s halfway back to her dorm before she can start to interrogate her reaction to Zuko and his friends. At first, she blames the smoking. She didn’t want to be around recreational drug use, not after what had happened to Azula the previous spring. But she passes several other groups of students on the street, each sharing their own joints, and she feels nothing but a mild disinterest.

She replays the moment in her mind, trying to pinpoint when the urge to flee had become unbearable. It hadn’t been watching Zuko exhale — she had actually rather liked seeing the soft look on his face. No, it had been before that: the clap on the back.

Zuko had real, actual friends here. Mai could see now that Zuko was happy, _really_ happy, when he was with them. He had not been that happy when he had been with her two summers before. She couldn’t compete with them. She would always be a reminder of his past, of someone he didn’t want to be anymore.

She trudges through the front doors of her dorm. She doesn’t like feeling sorry for herself, but it’s hard to shake off the gloom surrounding her. No one needed her. No one wanted her around. She was just going to go back to her room and stare at the ceiling and try not to cry.

“Hey!” a voice calls as she passes the common room. “It’s Mai, right?”

Mai turns. A quartet of shy-looking students is huddled around a rickety old table, a deck of cards displayed in front of them.

“Yeah, that’s me,” Mai says dully.

“Do you want to play with us?”

Mai hesitates. She feels dangerously close to expressing genuine emotion, and she doesn’t want to be around other people when it happens. On the other hand, the last person who wanted to play with her was Tom-Tom, and it makes her heart sink to imagine telling him she didn’t play with someone who wanted to.

“Fine.”

As it turns out, the four students playing cards are quite as lonely as Mai is. This isn’t some amazing intuition on her part: they tell her right off the bat.

“Thanks for playing with us. I’m Kao,” the tiniest girl says, smiling at Mai. “We thought it would be fun to get to know people on our floor.”

“Yeah,” agrees a boy Mai thinks is called Hiro. “Plus we’re all losers with nowhere else to go on a Saturday night.”

“We’re not losers!” Kao protests. “We’re just… a league of introverts.”

“Wouldn’t introverts be alone in their own rooms?” Mai asks with a skeptical look.

“We’re introverts, not robots,” Hiro responds. “We like people, just not most people.”

This is a philosophy Mai can get on board with. In fact, the more they play, the more Mai finds in common with the group. Most of them also have demanding, distant parents, or friends who seem to be moving in different directions with their lives. The group seems to actually appreciate Mai’s dark humor and sighs, and they are deeply impressed when she trounces them all at poker.

“You are totally unreadable!” a boy called Qi exclaims.

“Do you want to play again tomorrow night?” Kao asks. “A different game, maybe?”

The group looks at her nervously. She realizes belatedly that being ‘unreadable’ has a downside. None of them have any idea that she had actually rather enjoyed herself.

“I’d like that,” she admits.

Everyone beams at her. Mai feels suddenly a bit off-kilter. She quickly bids them goodnight and goes to her room to analyze the new feeling roiling inside her.

She had, for one of the first times in recent memory, openly told people she liked spending time with them. Sure, she liked spending time with Ty Lee and Azula, but it was implied and never said outright. Saying something like that, that you enjoyed someone’s company, that you _liked_ them… it was risky. Mai had resented Azula for calling her a coward once, but maybe Azula was right after all. Mai had never been brave enough to be vulnerable.

It seemed rather counterintuitive that showing weakness could be courageous. Mai had always bottled up her fears and worries. It was unseemly to share them with others, too emotional and too personal. She knew this was her parent’s training, the real reason she had always acted this way. Yet despite her anger with them, a part of her had always followed these rules anyway. It had felt safer to keep herself quiet rather than risk others knowing her true self. Had this been cowardice all along? 

Mai feels like she is being pummeled with thoughts. A new realization hits: perhaps being vulnerable could lead to real, genuine happiness. Mai thought about Zuko, about the conversation he said he had with his friend about his abusive father. His friend had still accepted Zuko, and that had made him happy. Was that the secret? If you unburdened yourself of your feelings instead of hiding them, could you really be fine? Not just ‘fine’ in the way that Mai used it, but actually content?

As she lies in the darkness, mind spinning with thoughts, her phone buzzes. After a few minutes of collecting herself, she picks it up. She is surprised to see several dozen text messages. She slides open a thread with Ty Lee and Azula.

_Ty Lee: Hey! Where are you?_

_Ty Lee: We want to hang out with you! I promise we won’t make out._

_Azula: I will make no such promises_

_Ty Lee: She’s kidding. Come on, we’re going to explore a bit! We’ll come find you._

_Ty Lee: Seriously, where are you? It’s been like an hour._

_Ty Lee: Okay, it’s been two hours. Are you mad at us?_

_Ty Lee: Mai, we’re getting worried. Please let us know you’re okay._

_Azula: My brother is losing his mind. I’m trying to buy you time here, but I can’t stall him forever._

Mai writes back a quick _I’m fine. I went back to my dorm. I’m not mad - sorry to worry you._. As an afterthought she adds _lunch tomorrow?_ because she knows the only way to placate Ty Lee’s anxiety will be to make plans for something fun. They both quickly respond in the affirmative, and Mai opens the second text thread from Zuko. It’s much shorter, but escalates quickly.

_Zuko: Hey, I thought I saw you in the back yard earlier. Are you around?_

_Zuko: Ty Lee said she hasn’t seen you in a while. Are you okay?_

_Zuko: Please let me know you’re okay. I’ve looked all over the house._

_Zuko: Someone said they saw you leave. Did you make it home okay?_

_Zuko: Which floor are you on?_

Mai notices that this message is from only two minutes prior. She rises from her bed and shoves open her window.

Below, she can see a figure pacing back and forth, a lit phone screen illuminating his face. Even from a distance, she recognizes Zuko’s distinctive walk.

_Mai: Look up._

The figure below freezes, his head snapping up. In the dim of the street lights, Mai can see the large scar on Zuko’s face, five floors below.

_Mai: What exactly was your plan here? Were you going to scale up to check my room?_

She can practically see Zuko tense as she reads the text. She watches as text bubbles appear and disappear over and over. She decides to put Zuko out of his misery and takes the elevator down.

The night has cooled off considerably, and Mai hugs her arms against herself. Zuko stands huddled as well, looking more embarrassed than cold.

“I wasn’t going to scale the building,” he says moodily. “But the people at the front desk said they couldn’t give out information about you. I said I just wanted to make sure you were okay, but I think they thought I was some crazy stalker.”

“Well, you _did_ show up at my dorm past midnight unasked.”

Zuko looks hurt.

“I’ll leave,” he says, turning to go.

Mai shoots out a hand to stop him. Zuko looks uneasy, as if waiting for a punishment.

“I’m sorry I didn’t text you,” Mai says softly. “I was playing cards with some people on my floor.”

Zuko’s expression shifts. He tilts his head.

“You made friends with the people on your floor?”

“I guess,” Mai shrugs. “It’s new.”

“That’s great, Mai.”

Mai stares down at her shoes. She wishes she could meet Zuko’s eyes, but it feels like a magnet is pulling her head downwards.

“I’m sorry I left,” she says, her hands starting to sweat slightly. “I was… I was feeling insecure.”

“Insecure?”

“Yeah. It’s stupid.”

“No, it’s not.”

Zuko leans down, clearly trying to catch her eye. Mai turns to look off into the darkness. Zuko seems to get the message and gives up.

“Why were you feeling insecure?” Zuko asks gently.

“You were with your friends,” Mai says, avoiding the question. “It would have been rude to interrupt.”

“I wanted you to meet them. And they want to meet you, too.”

Mai finally faces Zuko, puzzled.

“Me?”

“Yeah, I told them about you.” 

There is a slight flush on Zuko’s face, and it makes Mai’s heart pound with interest. She wonders what he had said about her and, more importantly, why he blushes to mention it.

“Maybe a party was a bad time to introduce you,” Zuko says quickly, shifting a bit. “How about tomorrow night? You can come over to our apartment.”

“I can’t,” Mai says. “I promised to play cards with people again.”

Far from looking annoyed by this obstacle, Zuko smiles.

“Oh, sure. How about next weekend?”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” Zuko says, looking much happier. “Well, uh.. I guess I should go. Goodnight, Mai.”

“Bye, Zuko.”

He waits for her to get back inside the building before she turns to leave. She wants to tease him for being chivalrous — it’s the easier, safer option — but she decides to be brave instead.

_Mai: Thanks for looking out for me, Zuko_

The text dots appear and disappear again. Mai leaves her phone in her room while she brushes her teeth and turns it over to check it before bed.

_Zuko: Always_.


	9. Friends

As luck would have it, Mai meets most of Zuko’s friends before he can introduce them to her.

The first run-in occurs on Tuesday afternoon. Mai is stumped on the last problem on her physics homework and decides it’s worth asking someone for help. She’s still in the infancy of her new ‘being vulnerable’ kick, so she settles for attending the teaching assistant’s office hours instead of seeing the professor.

The teaching assistant doesn’t quite look how Mai expected. In class, she had noticed his ponytail with the buzzed sides, but the lecture hall was cold, and he had always been wearing a sweater. Office hours are held in a sunny corner of the library, and as Mai approaches, she can see that the teaching assistant’s arms are wrapped in tribal tattoos. She smirks to think of her mother’s reaction to this young man, and she decides to like him on principle.

“Hey!” he greets her excitedly. “You’re the first person to come to office hours all semester.”

“Oh.”

Mai shrinks in mortification. It seemed asking for help was a bigger weakness than she had thought. The teaching assistant, sensing her unease, hastens to correct himself.

“That’s not a bad thing,” he says quickly. “A lot of people _should_ come get help. You should see some of these quiz scores… I’m Sokka, by the way.”

Mai eyes him with curiosity. Sokka is a rather rare name in a place like Ba Sing Se.

“Do you know Zuko Sozin?”

“Yeah!” Sokka says excitedly. “He’s my roommate! He’s a good dude. How do you know Zuko? Oh wait…” An idea dawns on Sokka’s face. “You must be Mai!”

“How did you know that?”

“Well, even though Zuko is awesome, he’s awkward as fuck and he’s only got like six friends. You’re the only one I’ve never met before. Plus, he told us you were a first year here, and this is an introductory physics course with mostly first years. Ergo, you must be Mai.”

“An excellent deduction.”

Sokka grins.

“He mentioned you were sarcastic. Good, someone who will appreciate my humor. Now, let’s see how I can help you. I’m guessing it’s the last problem on the homework, right? That one is just evil. Let’s do it together.”

Sokka is, in fact, a very likable person. He seems rather keen to get Mai to laugh, so she purposefully remains stone-faced to annoy him. This seems to both delight and frustrate him, and by the time they have solved the problem together, Sokka is beaming at her.

“I’ll have to tell Zuko I ran into you. You’re coming over to our place this weekend to hang out, right?”

Mai nods.

“Good. I’ll brainstorm some more jokes for you. There’s gotta be _something_ that makes you laugh.”

“If there is, I doubt you’ll find it.”

“Challenge accepted.”

Mai gives the hint of a smile. Sokka whoops with glee.

“A smile! I’m halfway there!”

A stern looking librarian rushes over. Sokka is instantly cowed into silence, and grabs his books to leave. 

“See you!” Sokka whispers as he runs down the library steps. 

Mai gives a little wave, glad to already have the approval of at least one of Zuko’s friends. It helps soothe some of the anxiety she feels about meeting everyone else.

—

It turns out she doesn’t have to wait long to meet another of Zuko’s friends. Not an hour later, she is waiting to cross the street when someone nudges her. Mai frowns and looks around, freezing when she spots a short young woman with a white cane.

“Sorry,” the woman says with a grin. “Didn’t see you there.”

Mai goggles at her for a minute.

“Geez, some people can’t take a joke,” the woman grumbles. It’s hard to tell behind the sunglasses, but Mai is sure the woman is rolling her eyes.

“I was going to tell you to watch where you’re going,” Mai admits.

The woman grins.

“Most people go for ‘what are you, blind?’”

“It’s too bad you can’t see their faces when they realize what they’ve said.”

“That’s what I always say!” the woman laughs. “I’m Toph.”

“Mai.”

The woman frowns.

“Do you know Zuko?”

“Yeah. How does everyone figure that out?”

“Because he talks about you a _lot_ ,” Toph says as the walk signal beeps for them to cross the street. “All semester, it’s been ‘Mai, Mai, Mai.’ _‘Mai is starting Ba Sing Se this fall.’ ‘Toph, you’re going to _love_ Mai — she’s just as mean as you are_.’ You’d think the guy was in love with you.”

Mai blushes bright red, enormously relieved that Toph cannot see her face. Still, Toph smirks knowingly.

“You guys dated, right?”

“A long time ago.”

Toph snorts.

“That just makes it _more_ romantic.”

“You don’t seem like someone who sets much stock in romance,” Mai tells her.

“Neither do you. But Zuko is _very_ romantic, even if he denies it. Didn’t he go chasing after you last weekend to make sure you were okay?”

“…Yes.”

“See? Romantic.”

“Some people might think it’s overbearing,” Mai points out.

“Nah. Romance and creepiness is a fine line,” Toph says with a grin. “And if you don’t think it’s creepy, then it’s romantic. Anyway, I’ve got to get to class. It was nice to meet you.”

Toph speeds off at an impressive rate. She walks with such confidence that people spring out of her way, looking slightly alarmed at the speed-walking blind girl. 

Mai is slightly apprehensive after meeting Toph. Although Toph was blind, it felt like she could see right through Mai’s facade. She hopes that Toph doesn’t feel the need to tell Zuko about their discussion. Mai is very aware she did not dispute that Zuko’s actions were, indeed, quite romantic in her eyes.

–

The rest of Mai’s week proceeds as it usually does, albeit with a bit more cheer now that she spends some of her evenings with the other students who live on her floor. She arrives for her Friday evening engagement with Ty Lee and Azula with a slight smile on her face.

Azula, however, is frowning. They meet outside the movie theater. Ty Lee had insisted on them all watching a new romantic comedy together, even though she was the only one who would openly admit to liking them. Ty Lee arrives last, giggling and walking with another woman their age. Azula seems none too pleased about this.

“Guys, this is my friend, Suki!” Ty Lee announces happily. “Suki, this is my friend, Mai, and my girlfriend, Azula.”

Azula looks mollified by this, and even turns a little pink when Ty Lee plants a kiss on her cheek.

“Nice to meet you,” Suki says.

“Suki is teaching my makeup class!”

“Makeup class?” Mai questions, arching a brow.

“All the circus performers have to do their own makeup before shows,” Ty Lee explains. “Suki goes to school with you, Mai, but she teaches our class, too.”

“It’s a fun way to make a little extra money,” Suki shrugs.

“Suki is a _genius_ ,” Ty Lee gushes. “Azula, I have _so_ many ideas for our next date night.”

Azula flushes. Mai tries not to smirk too much.

“Our movie starts soon,” Ty Lee grins. “Suki, do you want to join us?”

“That’s okay. Sokka will be here any minute.”

Mai cocks her head.

“Sokka? Does he TA physics?”

Suki brightens in recognition.

“Oh, you’re _that_ Mai,” she says happily. “Sokka was so excited he had a student come to office hours, and even more excited that he got to bug Zuko about it.”

Azula’s powers of speech seem to have returned to her.

“You know Zuko?”

“Yeah, he’s my friend and Sokka’s roommate,” Suki says easily. “Oh, I see Sokka over there… Mai, I’ll see you on Saturday. Ty Lee, I’ll see you next class!”

Suki strides off with purpose. Mai spots Sokka across the way and he waves at her. Ty Lee and Azula turn to Mai.

“What did she mean, _‘see you Saturday_?’” Ty Lee asks.

“Mai, are you going to meet Zuzu’s famous friends?” Azula smirks. “He barely introduced us to them at that party. We talked to some bald guy for all of two minutes before Zuzu whisked us away. I think he was worried we’d make a bad impression.”

“That’s not true, Azula,” Ty Lee asserts. “He was worried about Mai and he wanted our help looking for her. I’m sure Zuko would be happy for us to meet his friends.”

“Perhaps,” Azula says doubtfully. “But he didn’t invite _us_ to meet his friends tomorrow night, did he?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Mai says quickly.

“But it _is_ a big deal!” Ty Lee proclaims. “Him wanting you to meet his friends has to mean something, right Azula?”

“Zuzu is very protective about the people he cares about,” Azula says, linking arms with Ty Lee as they head into the theater. “The stakes are much higher than you might think.”

Mai says nothing, but Ty Lee frowns at Azula.

“Don’t make her nervous! Mai, it’s going to be fine. I’m sure this means that Zuko likes you a lot.”

“I don’t care.”

“That’s a lie,” Azula says breezily. “Don’t lie to us, Mai. We know you too well.”

Mai opens her mouth to protest, but Ty Lee swoops in.

“It’s okay if you don’t like Zuko like that, but if you _did_ we would support you. Wouldn’t we, Azula?”

“You’re honestly the best my brother could ever hope for,” Azula says dryly. “And he wasn’t such a miserable idiot when he was with you. I guess I support it. _Don’t_ make out in front of me.”

“We’re just friends,” Mai protests.

“That’s fine,” Ty Lee says serenely. “But if it’s meant to be, it will happen.”

Mai suppresses an eye roll and Azula smirks at her. 

“I know it sounds cheesy, but we both know Ty Lee is usually right about these sorts of things.”

“Let’s just watch this stupid movie and get it over with,” Mai grumbles.

—

Mai is as punctual as ever, arriving at Zuko’s place at precisely six-thirty. It’s a split house with Zuko and his friends occupying the southern half. Like most buildings near campus, it appears to have been cheaply made and only half-heartedly kept up over the years. The walls are so thin that Mai can hear the occupants inside as she steps up to knock on the door.

“Calm down, Zuko, it’s going to be fine.”

“Yeah, we’re on our best behavior!”

Mai can’t quite make out Zuko’s response, but the tone seems to indicate he doesn’t believe these assurances. Mai decides that it’s best not to linger for fear that she might hear something she isn’t supposed to, and she presses the doorbell.

A bellowing bark answers, and there is the sound of paws scrabbling across a hardwood floor. A solid thump hits the door, followed by the voice of a man.

“Appa, it’s okay, buddy. It’s a new friend!”

The door swings open, and a huge, shaggy dog tries to lunge at Mai. She freezes, but the dog is held back by a tall, wiry man with tattoos running down his arms. A similar tattoo slides up his neck and over his bald forehead. Mai wonders if tattoos were a requirement to live in this house. The image of a tattooed Zuko flashes in her mind. She tries not to blush, but fails. To cover it up, she bends down to extend a hand to the giant canine, who takes a curious sniff before eagerly licking her palm.

“Eurgh,” Mai says in disgust. The man looks elated.

“This is Appa,” he explains. “And that means he likes you. He’s got a great nose for good people. I’m Aang — it’s nice to meet you!”

Mai holds up her slobbery palm in greeting. Aang laughs and shouts over his shoulder.

“Katara, Appa drooled all over Mai. Could you grab —“

But before he can finish his sentence, a woman with glowing, tanned skin appears, her blue eyes alight with interest. She hands a towel to Mai.

“Sorry about that. Appa gets excited. I’m Katara.”

Mai nods, but her attention is drawn away by Zuko, who has managed to wrangle Appa from Aang, nudging him back from the door.

“Hey,” he says, slightly out of breath. “Sorry. Forgot to warn you about the dog.”

“He seems nice.”

“Anyone who likes Appa is cool with me,” Aang says happily. “Come on in!”

Mai squeezes into the narrow hallway and is led into the kitchen. Katara hurriedly offers Mai a beverage.

“Sokka and Suki are picking up the pizza,” Katara explains. “And Toph never shows up on time.”

“She’s not always late!” Aang protests.

“Yeah, sometimes she’s two hours early,” Katara says, although the fondness in her voice softens her annoyance. “Toph does whatever she wants.”

“C’mon, Mai, let’s give you the tour!”

Mai has only met two people as energetic as Aang before: Ty Lee and Tom-Tom. Given that they are two of her favorite people in the world, it is no surprise that she likes Aang right away. Mai doesn’t dislike enthusiasm; it is false cheeriness that she cannot abide. Aang, like Ty Lee and Tom-Tom, is as genuine as they come. He really _is_ eager to learn about Mai and to show her around the apartment. Mai herself could care less about the state of their home but she can’t resist Aang’s excitable nature.

“And this is where we store all our bikes,” Aang says to Mai. “I’m thinking about getting a new mountain bike, but I can’t decide whether to go full suspension or not. Do you mountain bike?”

“No.”

“It’s really fun! I keep telling Zuko to come out with me. Anyway, let me show you the back yard!”

“Aang,” Katara says with a smile. “Perhaps our guest would like to sit down?”

“That’s okay,” Mai shrugs. “I don’t mind.”

Aang and Appa are already out the door, romping around the tiny backyard. Zuko appears at Mai’s shoulder.

“Thanks for humoring him,” Zuko rasps.

“He seems really nice.”

Katara, who is within earshot, gives Mai a wide smile.

“Zuko tells us you play tennis,” Katara says. “Are you on the school team?”

“No.”

“Oh.” Katara’s smile falters for a second before returning. “Well, I’m sure you’ll find loads of people who want to play here. It’s such a fun sport.”

“Do you play?”

“Well, no…” Katara looks a little embarrassed. “But it seems nice.”

Unlike her initial reaction to Aang, Mai is less sure about Katara. Katara seems equally eager to get to know Mai, but there’s something strange about it. Mai remembers Zuko’s description of Katara as ‘slightly terrifying,’ and this overly-sweet version seems false to her. Katara is also a pre-med student, and every pre-med student Mai has ever met had a particular undercurrent of ruthlessness in their nature. She doesn’t quite buy Katara’s kindly hostess vibe.

It becomes clear, however, that she had been wrong about Katara, too. When Toph arrives a few minutes later, the blind woman’s voice carries from the front of the house.

“I’m here!”

“We’re in the back!” Aang shouts in return.

Toph appears a moment later with a grin on her face.

“Is Mai already here? Should I start sucking up to her yet?”

“Toph!” Katara chides. “That’s not what we’re doing.”

“Isn’t it?” Toph says, lowering herself into a plastic lawn chair so Appa will stop trying to knock her over in his excitement.

Katara shoots Zuko an anxious look and goes to whisper to Toph. Unfortunately for her, Mai is still close enough to hear every word.

“This is really important to Zuko, so just be nice, okay?”

Katara gives Toph a stern look, but Toph is entirely unphased. Mai’s wariness of Katara fades. She hadn’t trusted Katara’s sweet exterior, but she can see now that it had been to try to help Zuko. Mai couldn’t fault anyone who cared about Zuko enough to be nice to her.

“Hi, Toph,” Mai says, pretending she had not heard the end of her exchange with Katara.

“What’s up?” Toph nods at her with a grin.

Just then, another shout comes from the front door.

“Pizza’s here!”

Appa bolts back into the house, and Mai can hear Sokka and Suki laughing inside. She follows everyone, lingering behind so she can speak to Zuko.

“Your friends are nice,” she says evenly.

Zuko shifts nervously.

“Yeah, they, uh… they’re really cool.”

“I’m glad you met them,” she says, failing to hide a smile.

Zuko’s eyes grow soft. Mai can swear that time slows down for an instant, her heartbeat loud in her head, until Aang’s head appears in the doorway.

“Hey, if you guys want pepperoni, you’re gonna have to get in here quick before Sokka eats all of it.”

Their meal is the loudest and most boisterous Mai has ever had. Sokka is a particularly gifted storyteller — he makes the trip to pick up the pizza sound like an epic quest — although he is interrupted by teasing from Toph and Suki. Aang shares a number of bizarre factoids he has picked up here and there. Katara floats around the kitchen; she seems to have a preternatural ability to sense when someone will want a refill of water and swoops in with a pitcher without being asked. Zuko, who is seated next to Mai, laughs more than Mai has ever heard. She worries for a moment that she is being too boring — everyone else is exuberant and funny — but she realizes that most people seem eager for her to be a new audience member. She is not expected to participate, but the few barbs she manages to get in — it’s really easy to tease Sokka — are met with uproarious laughter. Sokka is offended that Mai’s first real laugh is from a joke Aang tells her.

“I’ve been working on my physics puns all week!” Sokka pouts.

“That was your first mistake,” Mai says, grabbing another slice. “Who laughs at puns?”

“Hey! I’ll have you know they are an _art_. Not just anyone can make a good pun.”

“Including you!” Toph hoots in delight.

There is quite a lot of bickering, but it all seems in good fun. It reminds Mai of when things were good with Zuko, how they would tease each other when they played tennis. She is hyperaware of him by her side, each laugh causing gooseflesh to break out all up her back. She tries to keep her feelings in check, but it’s hard with this crowd. Everyone here is is so emotional — all the couples cooing over each other, the affection between siblings. Toph and Zuko are not as demonstrative as everyone else, but even Toph seems happy to give a friendly slap on the back when someone makes her laugh.

They transition to playing board games, which seems to be a tradition with the group. It takes a few rounds for Mai to realize what had felt strange about this group of friends. With Ty Lee and Azula, it had always been clear that Azula was in charge. The dynamic had shifted of late, but it was hard-wired into their group: Azula was the boss. Mai had always assumed that was how all friends were, that one was the decision maker and everyone else appeased them. 

Yet Zuko and his friends seem different. At first, Mai had picked Aang as the ringleader. It seemed that special accommodations were made for him: the tolerance of his cute but slobbery dog, the special vegetarian pizza. But it quickly became clear that Aang had no interest in power, so Mai thought perhaps Sokka was the true leader. He was very vocal about his opinions, and he had picked the first board game. However, it seemed equally likely that Toph was the boss with her brash and bold manners. By the end of the evening, Mai concedes that Katara and Suki seem like the only impulse control over the three collective brain cells in this group of friends, so perhaps they were the true leaders. Mai doubts that it’s Zuko only because he of all people knows what it’s like to be manipulated, and she doesn’t think he would do it to his friends.

In the end, she has to concede that there is no one leader in this group. Everyone had seemed happy, and Mai, ever watchful, had not detected any bitterness or resentment stewing under the surface. Perhaps this was how friendships _should_ be. Mai wonders how many revelations about adult relationships she can have in one week.

At the end of the night, Zuko insists on walking Mai home. She tries to tell him she doesn’t need an escort.

“I don’t mind,” Zuko says quietly. “Besides, I hardly got to talk to you all night.”

Mai gives a hint of a smile.

“Okay then.”

Everyone gives Mai a rather exuberant goodbye, except for Appa, who gives a sad whine that Zuko is leaving. Zuko gives Appa a reassuring pat and sneaks a treat out of his pocket.

“Do you always carry those?” Mai asks and Zuko closes the door behind them.

“I want Appa to like me,” Zuko explains, a little sheepish.

“He clearly does.”

“Well, if I stop giving him treats, he probably won’t like me anymore.”

“I really don’t think that’s how dogs work.”

“I’m not taking any chances.”

Mai wants to say something to this, but she’s not sure how to phrase it. There should be some way to reassure Zuko that people — and dogs — like him for who he is, not just what they can get out of them. She mulls this over for a minute, but the opportunity to say something is lost when Zuko speaks again.

“So, how are your classes going?”

This is safer territory, although it’s a bit mundane. Still, Mai answers him and repeats his question back to him. It’s not the most exciting conversation, but it’s nice to hear Zuko’s soft, rasping voice so close to her.

They arrive at her dorm after a few minutes. Zuko stands awkwardly with his hands in his pockets.

“Do you want to come over again some time?” he asks.

“Sure.”

“Cool.”

Mai hesitates for a moment before speaking.

“I’m having dinner with my dorm mates this week. You can join us if you’d like.”

Zuko smiles softly, and Mai’s stomach flips at the sight.

“I’d like that.”

“Okay. I’ll text you.”

“Sure.”

She holds up a hand before walking through the front door. She curses herself for being so awkward, but when she looks back over her shoulder, she can see Zuko still standing there, the same soft smile on his face. He flushes and turns away when he catches her looking. 

Mai goes to bed feeling more hopeful than she has in a long time.


	10. Confession

Mai doesn’t plan on seeing Zuko again so soon, but she runs into him in the library the following afternoon. She is seated at a table with her friends when she spots Zuko, who is clearly looking for an empty place to sit. He catches her eye and makes his way over.

“Can I join you?”

Mai’s friends look up with interest, their eyes darting between her and Zuko.

“Sure. Zuko, these are my friends from my floor. Everyone, this is Zuko.”

They all wave hello, staying as quiet as possible to not disturb the other students in the library. Zuko drops his messenger bag onto the table and starts pulling out his books. Mai notices how her friends not-so-subtly check him out while he is absorbed in his task. Qi’s eyes are fixed on the lone decoration on Zuko’s bag: a small enamel pin with blue, pink, and purple stripes. Qi turns to Mai and waggles his eyebrows before going back to his own textbook.

Mai is too distracted to keep working on her calculus homework. She had been mulling over her feelings for Zuko lately but it had not entered her calculations that other people would be interested in him, too. Qi was probably the tip of the iceberg — surely other people also found Zuko as attractive as Mai did. Zuko wasn’t going to wait around forever for Mai to sort out all her complicated feelings, was he? Mai was going to lose before she even really tried.

Miserably, Mai stares at the series of differential equations she is supposed to be solving. Her friends wrap up their own homework assignments and peel off in pairs until only Mai and Zuko are left. After a few minutes, Zuko frowns at her.

“What’s wrong?”

Mai doesn’t bother looking up from her book.

“Nothing.”

“Mai…”

“We shouldn’t talk in the library.”

“Then let’s go on a walk.”

Mai does look up this time.

“You’re not done with your reading.”

“I’ve done enough,” Zuko says with a shrug. “And I’m not going to focus if I know something is bothering you, so let’s just go on a walk.”

They leave the library together. Mai’s eyes remain trained on the ground. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Zuko asks.

“No.”

“Okay.”

They walk for a few minutes before Mai turns to Zuko.

“Doesn’t it bother you?”

“What?”

“Me. Not talking. Doesn’t it bother you?”

“It does when I think you’re mad at me,” Zuko admits. “You’re not, are you?” he adds, suddenly sounding worried.

“No.”

“Oh, good… Well, if you don’t want to talk about it, I’m not going to force you. But I’ll listen if you want me to.”

“I’ll talk eventually,” Mai says in a guarded tone. “But not yet.”

“Okay.”

Mai can’t help a slight smirk at this reaction.

“It used to drive you crazy if you thought people were keeping things from you,” she says.

“It still does,” Zuko shrugs. “But it’s different with you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. “But it doesn’t feel personal with you. Besides, I keep things from you, too, and you don’t get mad.”

“What are you keeping from me?”

Zuko flushes slightly.

“Well, not now,” he says quickly without meeting her eyes. “But before. You know, when I was a jerk and left without telling you.”

“I _did_ get mad about that.”

“Okay, that was a bad example,” Zuko says quickly.

“I’m not mad anymore, though.”

“You can be, if you want.”

“I know. But I’m not mad.”

Zuko nods to himself. Without either of them realizing, they had made it almost all the way back to Mai’s dorm.

“Do you want to join us for dinner?” Mai asks. “My friends and I were going to cook.”

“Oh,” Zuko says, looking surprised. “I’m a terrible cook.”

“I don’t know how to cook either,” Mai admits. “I’m just in charge of chopping.”

“Uncle only ever let me chop stuff,” Zuko says with a smile. “I burned everything I tried to cook.”

“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Mai teases.

“It doesn’t make any sense!” Zuko complains. “Heating stuff should cook it, so if you heat it more, it should cook faster. Why does it burn?”

“Sounds like you need to take some chemistry classes.”

“Ugh, too much math,” Zuko pulls a face. “I’ll leave that to you.”

Mai laughs. The smirk on Zuko’s face makes her flush. She leads him inside the building and down to the small kitchen that her friends have commandeered.

The kitchen is stocked with some tools, but they are shoddy at best. The knife Mai uses is dull to the point of uselessness. Zuko tries to protest that Mai shouldn’t use it, but it’s the only available option. He disappears for a half hour and reappears with a small box.

“Where were you?” Mai asks, trying not to sniffle too much as she attempts to chop onions. The dull knife is smashing them to pieces, making the eye-watering effect even worse.

“Here.”

Mai takes the box and opens it. Inside is a beautiful chef’s knife, sharpened to perfection.

“Where did you get this?” she asks, incredulous.

“There’s a kitchen supply store three blocks away,” Zuko explains. “Uncle gets all his tea cups there. They’ve got good knives, too.”

“This is too nice,” Mai protests. “I can’t accept —“

“Please,” Zuko says quickly, looking embarrassed. “Consider it a late birthday present.”

“My birthday is in January.”

“ _Really_ late then.”

Mai evaluates Zuko for a moment. His posture is rigid, as if steeling himself for rejection. Mai wraps a hand around the knife and turns back to her onions. The blade cuts through them like butter.

“Thank you, Zuko.”

“You’re welcome.”

The knife is put to good use the rest of the evening. Even though Mai can’t cook, she starts mulling over learning some more knife skills. It was so satisfying to cleanly slice her materials, almost meditative. She makes sure to praise the knife as much as possible, mostly because it makes Zuko turn slightly pink each time.

Her friends divide the preparation of the meal amongst themselves, and dinner is ready in no time. Everyone is eager to get to know Zuko. Mai’s stomach knots itself when Qi purposefully chooses to sit next to him, but her anxiety abates when Qi’s flirting fails to make an impression. Zuko is polite, but he seems confused as to why Qi asks him so many questions. When he excuses himself to use the restroom, Qi leans over to Mai.

“He’s bi, right? I saw the pin on his bag and I thought…”

“He is,” Mai confirms begrudgingly.

“Oh, wait,” Qi says, looking stricken. “Do you like him? Mai, I’m sorry, I didn’t even think…”

“It’s okay,” Mai says quickly. “You can do whatever you want."

“I’m not hitting on someone you like,” Qi insists. “Besides, he seems _really_ uninterested in me. I would be offended if I didn’t have such high self esteem.”

Qi gives her a winning smile. Mai’s lips quirk up.

“If it makes you feel better, I don’t think he realizes you’re flirting with him.”

“How?” Qi asks, thunderstruck. “I literally just told him he seemed _good with his hands_ based on all that chopping you guys were doing.”

Mai shrugs. Before she can say anything, Zuko returns. He gives Mai a slight smile and goes to take a sip of his tea.

“Zuko, did you realize I was hitting on you?” Qi demands.

Zuko chokes.

“What? No… I…” Zuko’s brow furrows. “Oh, I guess that explains the hands thing.”

Qi bursts into laughter.

“I’m guessing that means you’re not interested in me, are you?” Qi says with a smile.

Zuko ’s mouth opens and closes soundlessly. Qi seems unperturbed.

“It’s all good,” he says breezily. “Well, if my charms aren’t going to work on you, then I’m going to talk to Kao. She said she had some cute guys in her rhetoric class she thought I would like.”

Zuko turns to Mai, flabbergasted.

“Why was he flirting with me?” Zuko asks.

“Because he thinks you’re cute, obviously,” Mai says, failing to hide her annoyance.

“But he doesn’t even know me.”

“He has eyes, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah, but…”

“I know you’re not fishing for compliments, but I’m going to say this once and then we’re going to drop it immediately and forever, okay?” Mai takes a deep breath. “You’re very handsome, and you’re also clearly a good person. You helped prepare this meal even though you barely know these people. People like you, Zuko.”

A short silence falls.

“Do you really think —?“

“Immediately and forever, remember?”

Zuko rolls his eyes, but he smiles.

“Fine, some people like me.”

“Most people.”

“I don’t care about most people.”

Mai raises an eyebrow. Zuko shrugs.

“You were right. Most people are garbage.”

“I thought you were the optimist between the two of us.”

“Yeah, but you set the bar for optimism pretty damn low.”

Mai nudges Zuko with her shoulder and he chuckles. A thrill runs through her; she has missed their trash talk.

“Hey, Aang mentioned a party on Friday night,” Zuko says, seeming slightly nervous. “Do you want to go with me?”

Mai knows she should be brave and ask if he means this to be a date, but instead she just nods.

“Sure.”

“You can invite Azula and Ty Lee if you want.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Their conversation is ended by the rest of Mai’s friends, who require their attention to settle a debate about the best vegetable. Apparently, the discussion has gotten heated while Zuko and Mai were distracted.

—

Mai passes the rest of the week replaying her recent interactions with Zuko. She tries to figure out if he likes her, but she keeps talking herself into circles. Finally, she arranges a three-way call between her, Ty Lee, and Azula.

“Don’t laugh.”

“Oh, Mai,” Azula laughs. “That is the worst way to start a call.”

“Azula, she told you not to laugh!”

“I’m hanging up now,” Mai says dully, regretting that she had ever considered this idea.

“Fine, I’ll behave myself,” Azula sighs. “But I think I know what this is about.”

“I doubt it.”

“It’s about Zuzu, isn’t it?

“…Damn it.”

Ty Lee lets out a squeal.

“Oh, how exciting!”

“So, what’s the problem?” Azula says breezily. “If you want to plan how to ask him out, I suppose I owe you one.”

“Wait, _Mai_ told you how to ask me out?” Ty Lee asks, sounding dumbfounded.

“Yes, the bouquet was all her idea.”

“Oh, _Mai!_ It was so perfect, you really —“

“I don’t even know if Zuko likes me,” Mai interrupts quickly. “That’s the problem.”

“Well, first off, do _you_ like _him_?” Azula asks. “You’ve been denying it for a while.”

“If he doesn’t like me, then what's the point—“

“The point,” Azula says sternly, “is that you should ask for what you want. So, what do you want? Regardless of whether he likes you or not, you shouldn’t go into this discussion trying to mask what you really feel.”

“That is… a really good point, actually,” Mai says, surprised.

“Therapy sessions three times a week,” Azula says sarcastically. “Some of it comes in handy every now and then.”

“Azula is right,” Ty Lee agrees. “Maybe he doesn’t like you, but pretending that you don’t feel the way you do will only make things worse. Your aura has been much clearer since you started university — you don’t want to gunk it up with repressed stuff.”

Mai, out of an abundance of love for Ty Lee, presses her lips together to avoid saying anything negative about auras. Ty Lee continues.

“I _do_ think he cares about you a lot. Even if he’s not ready for a relationship, it would hurt your friendship to keep your feelings a secret. If he doesn’t reciprocate, then Azula and I will take you out for as much ice cream as you want, but I think that’s getting too far ahead of ourselves.”

“What we need,” Azula swoops in, “is a plan of _attack_. You’re a private person, so this should be a private conversation. Not at a party or anything like that.”

“Oh, I forgot,” Mai says. “Zuko invited us to a party on Friday.”

Ty Lee squeals again, but Azula carries on.

“Well, we can go, but that’s not the ideal time for feelings discussion. You should do it one on one. You two always liked to hang out by that pond in the back of the house. There’s a botanical garden near the university, isn’t there? That’s basically the same thing. There’s probably a pond, too.”

“Oooh, how romantic!” 

“How can I ask him to go to a botanical garden with me without it being a dead giveaway?” Mai asks doubtfully.

“Say it’s for biology class or something.”

“I’m not taking biology.”

“Ugh, Mai! Don’t be so obtuse.”

“Azula, be nice,” Ty Lee chastises.

Azula lets out a deep sigh.

“My point is, I’m sure Zuko will go along with whatever flimsy excuse you give because that’s just how he is. Now, for what you should actually say —“

“I can figure that out on my own,” Mai says quickly.

“Do you already know what you’re going to tell him?” Ty Lee asks breathlessly.

“Not exactly,” Mai admits. “But I’ll think about it.”

“We can help,” Azula offers.

“You already did. Thank you. I should get back to work now.”

“Aww,” Ty Lee pouts. “Already? But we never get to talk about boys! It’s fun!”

“Ty Lee, do remember that we’re talking about my _brother_ here. As much as I want Mai to be happy, I really don’t want any details.”

“Sorry, Ty Lee,” Mai adds.

“It’s okay,” Ty Lee says, brightening. “I’m really happy you called us, Mai. It was really mature of you!”

“Aw, our little Mai is all grown up,” Azula teases. “Off on her own at university, having big adventures and —”

“Okay, okay,” Mai cuts in, rolling her eyes. “I get it. I love you guys, too.”

There is a brief pause on the line before Mai realizes what she has said.

“Oh, I love you both so much!” Ty Lee exclaims, sounding a little weepy. “You’re my best friends, and it means so much to have you both in my life after everything we’ve been through…”

“Fine, I love you both, I guess,” Azula says begrudgingly. “Ty Lee, let’s let Mai get back to her studies. I, however, work a nine to five and am free if you want to come over…”

“ _Please_ don’t elaborate,” Mai groans.

“Hanging up now!” Ty Lee says cheerily. “Azula, I’ll come over soon.”

“Oh, you’ll come soon —”

“ _Goodbye_ ” Mai says, mortified.

She hangs up the phone and settles back onto her bed. She has a lot to think about, but her head does feel clearer now that she’s talked to her friends.

She will _not_ think about what her aura is like right now.

—

Mai cannot find her friends at this stupid party. She wanders around the house, frustration mounting. She’s passing through the kitchen when she finally spots Aang’s bald head through a window. She starts to make her way towards the door outside, but a man blocks her path.

“Can I freshen your drink?”

Mai has been holding a large glass of water to avoid this exact question. She raises an eyebrow.

“Name’s Jet,” the man says, cool and collected. “What’s yours?”

“Mai,” she responds curtly. 

She just wants to move past him to see her friends, but Jet leans casually against the wall, blocking her way. He rolls a toothpick around with his lips, passing his free hand through his tousled hair. There is a slim messenger bag slung over one shoulder, and his jeans are artfully ripped. His posture is relaxed, but Mai is no fool. She watches Jet’s eyes dart around the room, landing on Mai just enough so he doesn’t look entirely distracted, but not enough that she actually buys it.

“So, Mai,” Jet continues with a smirk. “Tell me about yourself.”

“No thanks.”

“Oh, you’re _funny_ ,” Jet says. “I like funny.”

“You’re in my way.”

“Why would you want to go anywhere when you’re talking to me, beautiful?”

Mai barely resists rolling her eyes. She wishes she had her kitchen knife to ward him off.

“Move.”

“Hang on,” Jet frowns. “I’m just being friendly.”

“I’m not interested.”

“I think you’re playing hard to get.”

“I don’t play games. Move.”

“Or what?”

Mai’s gaze hardens.

“Whoever you’re trying to make jealous,” Mai says cooly, “I’m not going to be a part of it.”

For the first time, Jet looks caught off guard.

“Who says I’m trying to make someone jealous?” he says angrily.

Mai lifts a hand and counts on her fingers.

“For one thing, you’ve spent half of this conversation watching someone over my shoulder,” she says evenly. “For another, you won’t stop playing with your hair, which looks like someone put a stick of dynamite in it at this point.”

Jet opens his mouth to respond, but another voice cuts in.

“Is he bothering you?”

Mai turns. Zuko is standing behind her, looking furious.

“Hey, Zuko,” Jet says with a cocky smirk. “Funny running into you here.”

Realization dawns. Jet is the ex that Zuko had mentioned before. Mai remembers Zuko saying that Jet had not been a nice boyfriend and the urge to stab him intensifies.

“Leave her alone, Jet,” Zuko says warningly. His fists are balled in anger.

“I’m just talking to her,” Jet says, still looking smug. “No crime in that.”

“You’re blocking my way,” Mai says. “I’ve asked you to move twice already.”

“C’mon,” Zuko mutters darkly. “We can go out through the side door.”

“Wait a minute,” Jet says with a smile. “Do you two know each other?”

“Leave it,” Zuko says angrily.

“Hah!” Jet laughs. The smile doesn’t reach his eyes as he leans in towards Mai. “You know he and I used to fuck, right?”

“Shut up!” Zuko shouts.

Mai puts a hand on Zuko’s arm. He looks surprised at the movement, but he goes quiet. Mai turns back to Jet.

“I know,” Mai says calmly. “And you’re going to leave Zuko alone from now on.”

“Or what?” Jet sneers.

Mai cocks her head slightly. She has just spotted Azula and Ty Lee entering the kitchen. One arch of her eyebrow towards them causes them both to make a beeline towards her.

“Who’s this?” Azula says dismissively, her eyes raking over Jet with a disapproving look.

“Who’re you?” Jet fires back without missing a beat.

“Azula Sozin. Pleasure,” she says, her voice dripping with contempt.

Jet’s eyes flash.

“Your _sister_ , Zuko? Seriously, are you —“

“I asked you a question,” Azula interrupts. “Who are you?”

“I’m Jet,” he spits. “Your brother’s ex-boyfriend.”

This news makes Azula blink. She shoots Zuko a curious look. Jet laughs darkly.

“Didn’t tell your sister you like men, did you?” he taunts.

“You shouldn’t out people!” Ty Lee says indignantly. “That’s so rude!"

“Calm down,” Jet says, rolling his eyes.

Azula steps forward. Jet looks more annoyed that concerned by her proximity, but Mai knows that Azula’s movements are calculated and precise. There is a psychological mind game afoot, and Jet has no idea who he is up against.

“Is that why you’re bothering Zuko and Mai? Are you trying to win my brother back?”

“Hey, _I_ broke up with _him_ ,” Jet protests.

“No, you didn’t! I was the one who —”

Azula holds up a hand and Zuko falls silent.

“Regardless of however your… _relationship_ ended, you’re going to leave my brother and his friends alone from now on.”

Jet scoffs, folding his arms over his chest.

“That’s what _she_ tried to tell me,” he says, jerking his head towards Mai. “But I can do whatever I want. You can’t stop me.”

“Oh, that’s perfectly true,” Azula says in slightly bemused tone. “I have absolutely no authority over you. I _do_ , however, happen to be very well versed in spotting people with something to hide. Judging by the fact that you brought a bag to this party—” Azula’s eyes narrow at the mild panic on Jet’s face — “you’ve got something in there you’d rather people didn’t know about. Since this _is_ a party, I’m going to guess drugs. Are you a dealer, Jet?”

Jet flushes. Azula straightens. Victory is at hand.

“You’re going to leave my brother and his friends alone, and you’re going to stop dealing.”

“What are you, a fucking narc?”

“Oh good, I knew you weren’t as stupid as you looked. What the hell is wrong with your hair, by the way? Did your hair dryer explode?”

Jet glowers and takes a menacing step towards Azula. Ty Lee springs forward.

“Go away!” she says angrily.

Jet moves an arm, presumably to push Ty Lee aside, but the second his hand brushes against her, he yowls in pain.

“What the fuck?” he shouts, jumping back.

Ty Lee glares and stomps her foot.

“Go away!” she repeats.

“What the fuck did you do to my hand?”

“Maybe you should put some ice on it,” Mai says with a bored sigh. “There’s a whole chest out back with the beer.”

Jet shoots them all a look of utmost loathing. He locks eyes with Zuko.

“You really need all these stupid _girls_ to defend you?”

Mai expects Zuko to bristle with anger, but to her surprise, Zuko just sighs.

“Go to therapy, Jet.”

“You —“

But Jet is cut off by the dangerous expression on Azula’s face. Defeated, he gives them all one last disdainful _fuck you guys_ before he saunters off, clutching his injured hand.

There is a beat of silence before Azula and Ty Lee turn to face Mai and Zuko.

“Zuko, did you have a head injury last year?” Azula asks.

“What?” he says, bewildered. “No.”

“Then what on Earth possessed you to date _him_?”

Zuko scowls, but Ty Lee looks thoughtful.

“I don’t know, Azula. He was pretty cute.”

Azula looks scandalized.

“I’m not saying he’s boyfriend material,” Ty Lee says with a shrug. “I hope you didn’t date him very long, Zuko.”

“I didn’t,” Zuko grumbles, looking peeved by the discussion of his personal life.

“You’d think after one date —“

“Drop it, Azula,” Zuko says coldly.

“Well, you’re welcome for getting rid of him,” Azula sniffs, affronted.

“I didn’t ask you to —“

“Thank you,” Mai interrupts. “Sorry, Zuko, but I thought Azula would be best suited for getting him to fuck off. And I sort of assumed it would be fun for you,” she adds to Azula with a shrug.

Azula grins.

“It was.”

Zuko frowns and sighs, but his expression slowly clears.

“I’m sorry you all had to deal with him,” he says finally.

“It’s okay,” Ty Lee says cheerfully. “I did want to try out that self defense move. And it gave Azula someone to threaten, so that’s fun for both of us.”

Mai can’t quite hide her amusement. Zuko shoots her a worried look.

“I’m fine,” Mai assures him. “Let’s go find your friends.”

“Are _we_ worthy to meet these friends?” Azula says to Zuko, indicating herself and Ty Lee.

Zuko hesitates for a moment before gesturing them all outside. They’ve barely made it out the door before Katara rushes to Zuko.

“We just saw Jet walk by,” she says, shooting a dark look towards the backyard. “If he’s going to bother you again…”

“We can murder him quietly if you’d like,” Toph offers. “Or loudly. I’m not picky.”

“No need,” Zuko says, his lips quirking upwards. “He’s already been threatened enough this evening.”

Mai cannot imagine a better introduction for Azula, who looks like queen greeting her subjects as Zuko introduces her. Ty Lee, who is already giving Suki an enthusiastic hug, makes fast friends with everyone else, too. 

It is an enjoyable evening after that. They mostly forget about Jet and play silly games. There’s quite a lot of trash talking, and Mai’s cutting words surprise everyone except Zuko. Even Azula and Ty Lee look impressed; she had rarely ever exchanged barbs with them because Azula had always wanted the last word, so Mai never really saw the point in trying. It escalates into a full-blown competition to see who can create the most inventive comebacks. Zuko and Mai sustain a rally for the longest; Toph and Sokka and crying with laughter by the end.The group cheers and Aang and Ty Lee spend the next twenty minutes weaving them crowns out of some dandelions they find growing along the yard’s fence.

“To the king and queen of roasting!” Toph cackles.

“I dub you the Fire Lord and the Fire Lady!” Aang adds cheerily, laying the flowers on their heads.

Mai catches Zuko’s eye. He grins proudly at her and she blushes. She pointedly avoids looking at Azula and Ty Lee, who she is sure will tease her about it.

At the end of the night, Zuko insists again on walking Mai home. She offers no resistance.

Mai walks a bit closer to Zuko than she normally would, and when they have to press to one side of the sidewalk to let another group pass them, she subtly slips her hand into his. His fingers tightens around hers. When she sneaks a glance at him, he is smiling, staring forward with a pleased expression. They don’t speak until they reach her dorm.

“Do you want to go on a walk tomorrow?” she asks, not quite meeting his eye.

“Sure. When?”

“In the morning.”

“Okay. I’ll text you when I’m awake.”

“You get up crazy early,” she points out.

“I’ll text you when normal people are awake.”

“Good.”

Zuko takes a step back to leave, but before he releases her hand, Mai steps in quickly and rises up on her toes, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“Goodnight, Fire Lord Zuko,” she says with a smirk.

Zuko looks slightly dazed.

“Oh,” he says finally. “Goodnight.”

Mai smiles and turns away. Her chest feels tight with nerves and excitement. When she reaches her room, she looks down into the courtyard and is surprised to find that Zuko is still there, pacing around. She watches him for a minute before he looks up. He spots her in the window and gives an embarrassed nod before stalking off.

Mai goes to bed, but it’s hard to fall asleep. She has a good feeling about tomorrow.

—

Mai wakes earlier than usual. She is usually a deep sleeper, but she had slept fitfully, her dreams punctuated by anxiety. She gives up on sleep and goes to her desk. She attempts to write a short script for her conversation with Zuko, but ends up striking out most of her sentences. How was she supposed to tell her ex-boyfriend she still had feelings for him without sounding totally pathetic? She settles on the barest of scripts: _I like you. Do you want to go out sometime?_. She doesn’t get much further than that, despite having spent the better part of an hour mulling it over. Zuko texts her and she agrees to meet him as soon as possible. She may as well get this over with.

Although Azula had suggested the botanical gardens, Mai can’t bring herself to mention the idea to Zuko. Instead, they meander around the neighborhood in silence. Zuko keeps shooting Mai nervous glances, which only amplifies her anxiety. Just when she thinks she is ready to speak, Zuko looks at her askance again, and she swallows her words.

They are passing by a coffee shop when Zuko stops.

“Let’s go in here,” he says, sounding uneasy.

Mai nods. She’s too nervous to eat or drink anything, but she gets tea anyway, mostly so she has something to hold in her hands.

“I’m not sure your uncle would be happy that we’re having tea that’s not from his shop,” Mai says as they sit down on a bench out front.

“What?” Zuko says distractedly. “Oh. No, he would probably be happy we were drinking tea. He always tells me I should drink more of it. Says it calms the mind.”

“Does your mind need calming?”

Zuko raises a hand to his face and rubs at his scar.

“Yes.”

“Oh,” Mai says, feeling wrong-footed. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

Mai waits, staring down into her tea.

“I have something I need to tell you,” Zuko says finally.

Mai knows it’s a risk, but she can’t help it. She removes one of her hands from her mug of tea and wraps it around Zuko’s hand.

“Okay,” she says quietly.

Zuko bites his lip for a moment, his knee bouncing a bit against their hands.

“I know I was a bad boyfriend,” he starts.

“You weren’t.”

“Please,” Zuko pleads. “I just… I want to say it.”

Mai nods, feeling sick to her stomach.

“I was a bad boyfriend,” Zuko repeats, drawing in a deep breath. “I wasn’t in a very good place mentally, but that’s no excuse. I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

“I already forgave you,” Mai can’t resist reminding him.

Zuko nods, looking down at their intertwined hands.

“I know… I know I don’t deserve a second chance with you,” he says slowly. “But I like you. As more than a friend, I mean. If you don’t feel the same way, I understand. I —”

Mai lets go of Zuko’s hand and brings her palm upwards to cup his face. Zuko falls silent, staring at her.

“I like you, too,” she whispers.

Zuko exhales shakily, bringing his hand up to cover hers.

“Really?”

“Of course,” Mai says, rolling her eyes fondly. “Would I keep hanging out with you if I didn’t like you?”

“Oh,” Zuko’s expression drops. “If you want to be just friends…”

“I don’t,” Mai says firmly. “I was going to tell you I liked you today, actually.”

“Oh,” Zuko repeats.

“So, are you going to kiss me now, or —“

Zuko swoops in before she can finish, but Mai doesn’t mind. It’s a bit awkward given that they are both still holding mugs of tea, and neither of them can stop smiling. It’s still better than any kiss Mai has had in months.

When they pull apart, Zuko smiles.

“ _It is an unexpected thing, to be happy in this world_.”

Mai has to think for a moment.

“ _Love Amongst the Dragons_?” she guesses.

Zuko beams at her.

“Yeah.”

“It’s the only play I know,” she warns. “If you start quoting obscure poetry at me, I’m not going to recognize it.”

“That’s okay,” Zuko says with a shrug. “As long as you don’t mind me saying it. It’s easier, sometimes… quoting something.”

Mai nods.

“I get it. I can’t exactly reciprocate though.”

“Hm, is there an equation you could use to express yourself?” he teases.

Mai gives Zuko a dirty look, but he just laughs.

“You’ll just have to settle for me telling you I like you without any flourishes,” Mai huffs as she buries herself into Zuko’s side.

“I’m fine with that,” Zuko says softly, wrapping an arm around her. “More than fine.”

“Good.”

Their kiss is sweet. Mai’s heart aches to feel Zuko’s warmth against her. Every muscle in her body relaxes, like stepping into a warm bath. Zuko deepens the kiss, and Mai feels her insides melt. She would have thought her body would warn her to go slow, to be careful with her tender heart. On the contrary, pleasure floods through her, insisting that she go further, that she press herself against him as close as she can get. She’s annoyed she wore such a bulky coat this morning, and she wishes they were somewhere less public so Zuko could get his hands under it.

She pull away breathlessly. Zuko’s eyes bore into hers. The intensity of his expression only heightens the rush of lust she feels.

“Do you want to go somewhere more… private?” she suggests, trying not to turn red.

Zuko seems to be choosing his reply carefully.

“Yes,” he says finally. “But we don’t have to rush into things.”

Mai shrugs.

“I want to though.”

Zuko stands abruptly, grabbing Mai’s hand. Mai dumps her cold tea into a nearby bush and Zuko copies her. They leave their mugs and walk briskly back towards Zuko’s apartment. Mai feels almost giddy with excitement — a foreign, but not unwelcome, feeling.

The excitement wears off as Zuko rummages in his pocket for his keys. Voices can be heard through the thin walls; it is clear that they won’t find the privacy they desire here.

Zuko turns to look at Mai.

“I forgot,” he says uncomfortably. “Katara promised to come over and make pancakes today, so everyone is around.”

“Do you want to join them?” Mai asks.

“I want to be with you.”

Mai shrugs.

“I could go for some pancakes. I was too nervous to eat breakfast.”

Zuko looks surprised.

“You were nervous? About seeing me?”

Mai crosses her arms, annoyed.

“I do have feelings, you know.”

“I know,” Zuko says quickly. “I just don’t see why you’d be nervous around me.”

“I told you I liked you, didn’t I? Don’t you get nervous around me?”

Mai’s stomach clenches uncomfortably. What if Zuko _didn’t_ feel the same butterflies she did?

“I was a mess all last night,” Zuko confesses. “I just kept debating if I should ask you out or not.”

“Have you eaten breakfast?” Mai asks.

“No. I was nervous, too.”

Mai nods her head towards the door. Zuko still hesitates.

“I don’t want you to think pancakes are more important than you are,” he says seriously.

Mai’s lips quirk up in amusement.

“I don’t think that,” she confirms. “How about we eat pancakes and then go make out in your room?”

Zuko fumbles with his keys and throws open the door as if any delay will cause Mai to change her mind. She rolls her eyes at him, but she smiles so he knows she’s only teasing him. They share a brief moment together in the hall before Appa rounds the corner, barreling straight at them.

“Appa!” Aang’s voice drifts over from the kitchen. “Come here, boy!”

Mai follows Appa and Zuko into the kitchen. It’s packed with the usual crowd, and they all greet Mai warmly. Everyone except Toph seems to be shooting Zuko curious looks. Mai wants to ask about it, but she feels self-conscious drawing attention to herself, especially since she has shown up last minute and empty-handed.

Toph, however, also seems to notice the strange mood and has no qualms about discussing it.

“Is it just me, or there a weird vibe in here?” she asks, frowning into her coffee cup.

Uneasy looks are exchanged around the room. Toph’s scowl deepens.

“Seriously, what’s going on?”

“Zuko,” Katara says brightly, purposefully avoiding Toph’s question. “How was your walk?”

“Uh,” Zuko says, his eyes darting over to Mai. “It was nice.”

Katara gives him an expectant look. Sokka, Aang, and Suki mirror her expression. Mai turns to Zuko, an eyebrow raised in question.

“Did they know you were going to ask me out?” she asks Zuko.

There are several gasps. Before Zuko can respond, Toph cuts in.

“Oh, that!” Toph laughs. “We were just talking about that before you guys got here. So,” she says to Mai, “did you say yes?”

“You were all talking about it?” Zuko asks, sounding a bit hurt.

“Not in a bad way!” Aang says quickly. “Just that we hoped it went well.”

“Yeah, buddy,” Sokka says through a mouthful of pancakes. “You were a nervous wreck last night.”

Zuko flushes, but looks less upset when Mai reaches under the table to take his hand.

“You don’t have to tell us anything,” Suki says with a reproving look around the table. “It’s your private business.”

“Did you all give Zuko advice?” Mai asks in a bemused voice.

“Yeah,” Sokka says, despite the glare he gets from Katara and Suki. “Did it work?”

“Yes,” Mai says simply.

The group cheers. Mai hides her blush by bending down to pet Appa. Zuko seems to have the same idea, and they grin sheepishly at each other under the table.

There are only a few minutes of teasing before the group mercifully turns their attention to something else. Mai only manages to eat a single pancake — she’s still feeling a bit fluttery and unsettled being so close to Zuko — but she manages to sit through the meal politely. 

Abruptly, the group splinters off. Suki and Sokka head out to the gym, Aang and Katara go to the library to study, and Toph decides to take Appa on a walk — a _long_ walk, she is careful to specify to Zuko. Zuko and Mai wait patiently in the kitchen for everyone to leave. 

The moment the door locks, Mai pounces, pressing Zuko back into the kitchen wall. She worries for a moment that she’s being too forward when Zuko goes rigid, but then he groans in approval and pulls her tightly to him. They don’t even make it out of the kitchen before Zuko’s hands are up the front of her shirt. She grinds against him with tortuous friction, the two of them gasping against each other.

Eventually, they stumble towards Zuko’s room. Mai hesitates for a moment when they move towards the bed.

“We don’t have to do anything,” Zuko says quickly. “It’s just the most comfortable place to sit.”

“Okay,” Mai says, drawing a deep breath. “Look, I’m not as experienced as you. I know you and Jet…”

“That was different,” Zuko says quickly. “I mean, we did… we did do stuff, but it wasn’t…”

Mai lets Zuko gather his thoughts. He addresses a spot on the wall behind her rather than meet her eyes directly, but Mai knows firsthand how hard it can be to say anything emotional. She doesn’t fault him for his discomfort.

“I really like you,” Zuko says finally. “With Jet, it was sort of an escape. I didn’t like who I was, so… so I didn’t always act like myself. I don’t want it to be like that with you.”

Mai nods.

“Okay.”

“And I don’t want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable,” Zuko says quickly. “I know it’s not very… uh, romantic to double check everything, but —”

“I think it’s nice,” Mai says, reaching up to cup his face. “It makes me feel like you care about me.”

“I _do_ care about you,” Zuko says with great conviction. His eyes are on hers again, that same intense look on his face that makes her feel warm inside. “I care about you a lot.”

“I care about you,” she says, leaning up for another kiss.

They move back to lie on the bed. Slowly, their kisses grow heated again. The sensation is heightened now as Mai presses Zuko down into the bed. She can feel how hard he is against her, and a thrill unlike anything she has felt before shoots through her, urging her on. Zuko is still careful and pauses to catch her eye, silently offering her an out if she wants. Mai doesn’t take it and twists against him as he teases her breasts.

Honestly, Mai had expected to be more embarrassed about all this. After all, she had spent her whole life hiding any unseemly feelings, which had of course included anything even remotely sexual. She had always assumed that she would feel self-conscious, trying something like this. She had been self-conscious when she and Zuko had first dated, after all. Now, though… now, she knew what she wanted. She wanted Zuko, and the lust she feels is powerful enough to override any shame.

She is, however, still a bit nervous about trying new things. A part of her wants to reach down to feel Zuko in her hands, but her anxiety holds her back. What if she did something wrong and made a fool of herself?

Fortunately, she is distracted from this line of thought when Zuko wriggles underneath her. For the most part, he had been trying to stay still — some sort of weird chivalry, Mai assumed — but the second he moves, Mai gasps. Zuko opens his mouth to speak, but Mai cuts him off.

“Do that again.”

Zuko’s eyes go wide, but he repeats the motion. Mai drops her head and moans against Zuko’s neck. She’s never felt anything so good in her life. Zuko is pressed against her right _there_. She had certainly touched that part of herself before — and she had often thought about Zuko while she had done it — but this was different. Now, she could feel just how excited Zuko was. The thought that he was just as aroused as she was made her blood pound even harder.

In Mai’s fantasies, she had always imagined that Zuko would be very attentive in bed. After all, she had seen him on the tennis court. His determination, his drive to improve, his need to impress her — all of these are on display now. He keeps the same motion Mai likes, but he adjusts the rhythm, listening for her gasps of pleasure. His finger tease her as she lets out moans far more wanton than she ever could have imagined making. The sensation of pleasure mounts higher and higher until it reaches the familiar crest she has felt before. Her body goes taut. The moment seems to last forever before she drops limply against his chest. Zuko’s hands move from her breasts to her back, rubbing warm, soothing patterns against her. 

After several unsteady breaths, the blissful haze evaporates. Mai’s body tenses and she buries her head into Zuko’s neck.

“You okay?” he asks, sounding slightly worried.

“That was embarrassing,” Mai replies, her voice muffled against his skin.

“Oh.” Zuko’s hands move away from her like he has been burned. “Sorry. I thought you liked it.”

“I did,” Mai says, unmoving. “That’s what all the moaning was about.”

“Oh,” Zuko says again, still sounding worried. “Uh, is that what you were embarrassed about?”

“Obviously.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean ‘why’?” she grouses. “I sounded ridiculous.”

“No, you didn’t,” Zuko asserts. “It was amazing.”

“Zuko…”

“I’m serious.”

Zuko sits up and Mai slides off of him. She wants to go bury her head into a pillow, but Zuko lifts his hand to her face. Mai frowns at him and he removes his hand.

“Sorry,” he winces. “I like it when you do it to me, so I thought…”

Mai, without hesitation, grabs Zuko’s hand and lifts it back to her cheek. Zuko brightens a bit.

“Mai, I think you’re beautiful,” Zuko starts. Mai feels herself go bright red, but Zuko’s hand holds her head so she can’t look away from him. He continues. “I really, _really_ liked hearing you. I honestly thought I was going to totally lose it. _That_ would have been embarrassing.”

Mai imagines this scenario and it feels like part of her brain short-circuits. 

“I think that sounds hot,” she blurts out.

Zuko’s eyes widen again. She should feel mortified, but Zuko’s reaction is strangely satisfying. There is color high in his cheeks and he shifts his legs slightly. Mai glances down and can see a prominent bulge in his jeans. When she meets his eyes again, the lust on his face is unmistakable. She grabs his shoulders and pulls him towards her. Zuko follows as if in a trance, and Mai settles herself down on the bed, this time with Zuko on top of her. They exchange heated, open-mouthed kisses for a long time before Zuko pulls away with a ragged gasp.

“I didn’t finish what I was saying,” he mumbles belatedly.

“Hm, is talking really better than kissing though?” Mai says, trying to tug him back to her.

“It’s important.”

Mai pauses and lifts her eyes to meet his.

“I like doing this with you,” Zuko says, still a bit out breath. “I don’t want you to feel embarrassed. I think you’re really… sexy.”

Mai snorts.

“I know,” Zuko groans. “It’s a terrible word. But it’s true.”

Mai sighs, feigning annoyance.

“If I tell you I think you’re sexy, will you stop talking so we can make out more?”

Zuko rolls his eyes.

“I’m trying to compliment you,” he says.

“And I’m returning it,” Mai replies. “But as nice as words are, I think actions speak louder, so if you want to _show_ me that you think I’m sexy…”

Zuko lets out a low growl before capturing her lips again. Mai sighs happily.

It is far and away the best morning of Mai’s life. They pass most of the time kissing until their lips are bruised and swollen, pulling away occasionally to stare at each other in awe. Eventually, Mai summons her courage to trace her hands down Zuko’s body and under his jeans. With a lot of blushing and stammering on both their parts, Mai finds just the right pressure and angle to make Zuko writhe and moan. He had been right — it _was_ amazing, and not at all embarrassing to hear his groans of ecstasy. It is a bit messier in the end than she expected, and there is a lot of blushing again, but Mai feels too content to worry. It is a new feeling, and she likes it.

The only thing that pulls them apart in the end is the growling of their stomachs.

“Maybe we should go on a date,” Mai proposes in a casual tone. “Lunch?”

Zuko gives her a look of such fondness that Mai feels rather giddy again.

“Let’s go.”

As they set off, Zuko takes Mai’s hand. She grins openly. For the first time, she doesn’t want to hide herself anymore.

Mai is happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, everyone! I hope you enjoyed it :)


End file.
